Can you live with the devil ? Yes , provided he/she adjusts the temperature to low when you sleep and make it high when you eat the chicken tandoori ( we all like it well done right ) even devil can make a good wife/husband.
Hope you have read my earlier blogs on marriage most of them book reviews (if not please read them ) .
And though partly my interest in this field is obvious cos i am a foxy bachelor (meaning a bachelor who has never registered in Himalaya Inc ) another reason is i get inputs on this field wherever i turn
1. I read a lot on personality tests and theory due to my pet interest in psychology and in that the key thing discussed after friendship is marriage and dating .
2. Confessions of the sinners ....I have lost count of the number of people who have pounced on me asking me why i am not getting married ..But the greatest paradox is many of them turning 180 degrees and after a talk to them for an hour telling about what went wrong in their marriage . No , its not the , silly little fights which go on in every human relationship but deep ideological differences which has made their marriage an empty shell .
3. Lastly my little observations which has taught me a lot that smokes usually but not always indicate a fire ..
Now dont think i am a pessimist in this . I am not .
According to me the key to a successful marriage is flexibility and understanding . Marriage advertisements are full of terms like "wanted fair , understanding .... " etc but practically whats the proportion of marriages that have "mutual " understanding . The word mutual is very important because i know lot of marriages which survive (thats the term ) because one of the partners is so understanding that she (usually its a she ) gives in to every whim and fancy of the other partner . But the end result is a marriage which is relatively loveless and not intimate .. Now whats the problem in having a loveless marriage ? Nothing unless true love is a key priority in your life ..
Another thing which is not as important but has some role is shared values . Can you be happy being the husband or wife of a headhunter in a remote island ? Yes you can if you also relish the practice . In short i have seen couples who have shared values even in things like high degree of materialism who are happy with each other . But suppose such a highly materialistic person is mated with a person who values affection and love etc . Its an area of potential conflict unless both partners consciously realise this and work on it ..If you dont know what is ENFJ and ISTP that doesnt mean you are ignorant but that you havent been reading my blogs on personality .. I know most of you have more than expected interest in star signs and hand reading ( i do the latter just for fun ) but though a little more serious personality tests give more understanding about yourself and even the type of potential partners better than any star sign match ...
Wishing you all a happy married life or if u r a die hard bachelor a happy himalayan life ... stopping for now ... Get me married fast cos i have heard thats the best way to silence a blogger :)
Hope you have read my earlier blogs on marriage most of them book reviews (if not please read them ) .
And though partly my interest in this field is obvious cos i am a foxy bachelor (meaning a bachelor who has never registered in Himalaya Inc ) another reason is i get inputs on this field wherever i turn
1. I read a lot on personality tests and theory due to my pet interest in psychology and in that the key thing discussed after friendship is marriage and dating .
2. Confessions of the sinners ....I have lost count of the number of people who have pounced on me asking me why i am not getting married ..But the greatest paradox is many of them turning 180 degrees and after a talk to them for an hour telling about what went wrong in their marriage . No , its not the , silly little fights which go on in every human relationship but deep ideological differences which has made their marriage an empty shell .
3. Lastly my little observations which has taught me a lot that smokes usually but not always indicate a fire ..
Now dont think i am a pessimist in this . I am not .
According to me the key to a successful marriage is flexibility and understanding . Marriage advertisements are full of terms like "wanted fair , understanding .... " etc but practically whats the proportion of marriages that have "mutual " understanding . The word mutual is very important because i know lot of marriages which survive (thats the term ) because one of the partners is so understanding that she (usually its a she ) gives in to every whim and fancy of the other partner . But the end result is a marriage which is relatively loveless and not intimate .. Now whats the problem in having a loveless marriage ? Nothing unless true love is a key priority in your life ..
Another thing which is not as important but has some role is shared values . Can you be happy being the husband or wife of a headhunter in a remote island ? Yes you can if you also relish the practice . In short i have seen couples who have shared values even in things like high degree of materialism who are happy with each other . But suppose such a highly materialistic person is mated with a person who values affection and love etc . Its an area of potential conflict unless both partners consciously realise this and work on it ..If you dont know what is ENFJ and ISTP that doesnt mean you are ignorant but that you havent been reading my blogs on personality .. I know most of you have more than expected interest in star signs and hand reading ( i do the latter just for fun ) but though a little more serious personality tests give more understanding about yourself and even the type of potential partners better than any star sign match ...
Wishing you all a happy married life or if u r a die hard bachelor a happy himalayan life ... stopping for now ... Get me married fast cos i have heard thats the best way to silence a blogger :)
Interesting observations!
ReplyDeleteThe bit about deep ideological differences making the marriage a very turbulent affair is an important factor.
We are all shaped by our experiences. Depending on what we inherently are, and what we have seen of the world in our formative years, our needs from a marriage would differ. Flexibility and understanding would come with greater ease if we are not acting from a deeper insecurity of which we are consciously unaware. Then, most of our behaviour would be driven by this insecurity; it would also determine our perception of relationships.
A person who is content with his own self is more likely to adapt to a marriage. I totally agree with your statement on insight into one's personality- it would help a lot more than star signs or hand reading! And then, not just for marriage, but even for career and many other aspects of life.
And yes, 'mutual' is what lacks in most Indian marriages.
Oh, and the last statement was the icing in the cake- the best way to silence a blogger!
Vidya
How do we "get you married"?
ReplyDeletedear rajanikanth i am not a nuisance to anybody so far ( all the girls agree on that :) ) . Then why u want to get me married .. First you urself get into trouble and then i will think about it :)
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