Julie(1975 film ) ...... inter-religious marriages my views

Taxi or bus journeys from the airport is busy time for me . Because that is when the blogs in my mind compete with each other for attention .  (In short i use my sparsely used brain  )  .  Today i was confused as ever to write which topic and suddenly Kishore kumars music Bhool Gaya Sab Kuch from film Julie  (1975 )  brought me  thinking about  inter-religious marriages .

Nowhere else than it is evident that ritualistic  religion is against love  than in the topic of inter-religious marriages and relationships  .  And innumerable relationships have been destroyed by religion playing a disproportionate role before and after marriage  .

There is a need to rethink our attitude of inter-religious marriages 30+ years after the film Julie is released because though the number of intercaste and interreligious marriages have increased drastically the familial and soceitys attitudes are still fairly narrowminded as ever .  But its funny thinking about it because the  soceity has drastically changed in the last 30 years . The joint family system , the family support system etc have almost crumbled, even the hypocrisy of religion is increasingly exposed in numerous ways but still its a  paradox that narrowmindedness still exists .

First of all if a relationship is based on true love and there is a reasonable level of understanding and flexibility  religion should not stand in the way of the relationship  ( my personal view  )  .  Now on why some of the arguments  against  interreligious  are wrong according to me  :

1  . Compared to past  increasingly young people spend majority of their lives with themselves with minimal time spent with the extended family even with parents . In this scenario when marriages are increasingly taking place between individuals rather than families isnt it better that love (not lust) is the basis of the relationship rather than the shared circumstances (religion included )  .  In olden times marriages was more a union of families when maybe the religious mixing created lot of turmoil .

2. Increasingly finding the hypocrisy in ritualistic religions young people are more spiritual than religious . many of them are even agnostics and atheists . In such a scenario what is the role of religion in their relationship  .

3.  If you analyse the failure of love marriages at least in some cases its due to religion . But here too its not because of the lovers religious differences but the family  making sure that every opportunity is used to put oil into any small spark in the relationship when the couple have differences .  A really mature couple should recognise this challenge (its indeed a challenge ) and fight against external elements putting burden into the relationship.

4. When a child is born ...... To some DINKs (Double income no kids )  this is not even an issue to be discussed unless they just want to produce a baby to create confusion in the family . But for others the new software versions of children (they no longer blindly follow their parents religion ) nowadays childrens religion should be less of an issue than in  previous generation .  Unless of course the family wants to use children to create problems in the relationship  .

To sum up  ... Unless you are both very strong in ritualistic religious beliefs and believe that after death you both will go to separate heaven or hell ( delusional thinking according to me  )  if you have reasonable degree of flexibility and ability to fight challenges ( soceity will make sure that there are )  go ahead with it  . But  if you are in serious doubt dont do it  because there are great girls or boys in your community  .

Now though my paternal family is notorious for inter-religious and inter-racial marriages increasingly i am seeing it  in the soceity that surrounds me even among conservative friends and neighbours  .  Thats why i always remain optimistic regarding this issue  ... Time to hear the music  ...  Bhool gaya sabh kuch  .. Julie  ... (kishore kumar  .. Julie ..1975 )

PS  : Julie is not my girlfriend  :)   

the arab world

“Dear newly recruited doctors . Let me introduce you to the types of radiology cases you will encounter frequently  .  We get lot of accident cases  .  Then we get head injuries not accident related but due to falling from height by maids … potential suicides  “--- the head of department is briefing the radiology team which includes me  .

As radiologists we are never exposed to the blood of trauma victims(we deal with clean images  )   but it was disturbing to think that we will be reporting on images of  people who are victims not of an accident or a natural cause but due to cruelty of man upon man  .Maids being tortured by their employers in a foreign country  and that too maids from developing country like mine  .
 

Before I worked in Kuwait  I always thought that I was a potential candidate for hell in the day of judgement  . For  though a good man (yes I am ). since I don’t do any of the rituals of any religion  I am a potential candidate for hell  .  But after I worked there I realized I will have big competition to hell  . 

Let me explain  .  Inspite of being a country which even professed  high standards of morality that was the first time I really saw hypocrisy and the way sins was practiced firsthand  .  Whatever is said in the religious texts as forbidden I saw around me  .  Not that other countries these things don’t happen . But here they happen as if to challenge god . For on one hand they say about religion too much  , has even got the beads on their hand to show off that they think about god 24/7  but do all the vices more than the average Indian . And of course “severe punishments  “  if you are found out  .

Maybe its a collective hallucination of the blue collar workers like drivers working at homes many of them told they were asked by local women for their "services" which is not related to their work .And some of them have even ran away when they were threatened with blackmail for refusing . 

If kuwait is a moderate in all these , the real extreme one is Saudi Arabia a country which is unparalleled in so many things . When recently i heard many indians are going to be sent back to india due to nationalisation of labour  i  felt happy rather than worried . For  though given a tax free salary  being treated as second class citizens and even in many cases held as  slaves  by  employers  is  not that rare  in that country  .  

Thinking out loudly if they didnt have their oil would anyone given them as much status as even somalia  ?  And what about the terrible human rights violations ?  

For those of you who ask me why i am not so vocal about the other countries ... like the prisoner abuse in thai jails  ... its because in Saudi  its  state sponsored hypocrisy and doing things in the name of God and religion . So i think i will probably be outside hell because of the no vacancy board outside hell .. 

lessons from nature

I  have quoted animals  many times in my blogs  . And each time  they give me  more understanding  and solutions to problems  than the combined  wisdom of  many adults  .

Long ago when i was in mumbai  i visited a friends house  with  a mastiff ( one of largest dog breeds  easily capable of killing an adult human )  , a rottweiler  ( responsible for maximum human fatalities )  and a  boxer  .They  had it in their apartment  and unfortunately  i told them i liked dogs  .  But  what i hadnt expected was their dogs  which they had  inside their apartment  .  I was sitting in frontroom and they opened the door  where the dogs were kept  .  I was faced with three full grown dogs  and one of them (i think the rottweiler ) came straight to me  .  Paradoxically  i was only little scared  .  But  it came  straight  and sniffed at my neck  .  I froze  .  Then the remarkable thing happened  . It lay down on the  floor in a submissive posture  .  And yes  , i patted its  belly  .

If you know  animal behaviour  you will understand  what happened  .  We both were trusting enough to expose our vulnerabilities  .  I  exposing my neck  to its sniff ( not to be tried  :)  )  was though unintentional  was my way of showing my vulnerabilities to it  .  And  in turn it lay on its back in a non -threatening posture  (  see wolf  behaviour  in animal planet  )  exposing its belly  which was its way of reciprocating its vulnerability   .  Now the lesson  ... As adult humans  in any intimate  relationship  (not only romantic  )  we  are in two minds  to expose  our deepest vulnerabilities  .  Its risky  .  But  knowing the risk fully well isnt it  the best way to get  the trust  which is the basis  of intimate relationships  . Of course  as humans some of us do betray the trust  but still to make deepest bonds  without exposing your vulnerability is difficult  . Whenever  i am self conscious  to  expose  my vulnerabilities  (  im as human as anyone  )  i think about the rottweiler  who taught me the lesson of trust  .

Another incident comes to mind  ..this time with lions  ( no  i didnt have any interaction with lions  )  . It was in the book Born Free (my blog earlier )  in which there is Elsa the wild lioness  raised by  the Adamsons couple . Its a beautiful story which illustrates wild animals are capable of affection . Many lessons are got from their interactions but one chapter specifically caught my attention  .  It was when Elsa gave birth to its cubs  .  Though very affectionate to the persons who nurtured for a few weeks Elsa didnt  allow them to go anywhere near her cubs but gradually  allowed them to see the cubs and even handle her precious cubs  . Sometime back when a close friend moved away due to perceived lack of attention from me  for a short while  i didnt have to consult anyone for an answer .  For the answer came from Elsa .  For her  both her caregivers as well as the cub were precious . But when a new cub is born the cub has priority over all things in life at least for a short period  . This possessiveness dilemma has applications in adult life where mothers get insecure when a new daughter -in law comes home (mother in law syndrome )  , also when a  husband gets insecure when wife transfers attention to the newborn baby for sometime  . So for such dilemmas the answer is simple .. learn from Elsa the lioness and give sometime and understanding ... everyones place is secure.

And no  i didnt have a  baby  :)  i just gave an example   ....

Goa ..... a taste of konkani

In another blog i had described my love of konkani songs from childhood . (Henry Mendez ...ye ye Katrina )  ...No wonder that rings around as background music in my ears though i have no Katrina in goa.

If you are looking for a beach holiday goa is one of the perfect places . With the number of beaches close together the water is everywhere be it the Calangute beach , the Baga beach , Anjuna beach and that is just the beginning  ..  I visited Calangute beach in the daytime and though crowded  the touristy atmosphere is good there . Thats especially good if watersports is your aim . Jetskis , Parasailing etc are there which are missing in kerala beaches (though i love our beaches )  .  Beach shacks which sell the fresh catch including fish not readily available in kerala is nice . Of course the people on the water from different parts of india as well as abroad completes the picture .

Calangute beach is one of the busy beaches  but  for a romantic getaway there are less crowded beaches . The point is  depending on your company (dont ask me mine  .. i went alone  as it was a half day holiday clubbed with an official work assignment )  you should choose which beach /beaches you should go  .  Then of course there are the beautiful resorts  like Dona silva where i stayed last time  .

Goa is the only place where you can gamble (if you want it of course ) . There are casinos which are mostly on ships docked on mandovi river . For a fee of rs 1500  approx  you get entry and chips for playing . Since its gambling depending on your addictive behaviour you can lose thousands or occassionally get thousands or more . But if you can control yourself and stick to the original amount only just for the experience it ought to be good . Gambling is a bad habit right  ?

Drinkers paradise :  Many people go to goa just to drink . Anyway for people like me  thats not an attraction  except  to get tiny miniature souveniers of fenny the local drink for some of my  drinking friends (not alcoholics  )  .Here too i found stark difference from kerala which has high standards of morality  . In kerala  people stand in long queues blocking the road in some places to buy their drink from government owned beverages corporation . Here it is freely available so for a visitor it looks less vulgar unlike kerala  .

Goan food  :  If seafood is your forte  goa is the place . Spicy , coconutty squid,crab,prawns in addition to all the fish under the goan sun you name it you get it  . I  had  goan seafood from ethnic houses in the lunch time ,  vivandi the ethnic goan restaurant at panjim at night  and a host of authentic goan restaurants on other days

The churches :  centuries old churches and houses done in portuguese architecture give a distinct feel and overall i felt the goan people friendly .  Also with music in their blood its natural that friendliness is in their blood too  ...Regionalism is there so for a long term stay i dont know how it goes  ..

Goa is well connected by air , trains and buses .  More on goa after my next visit in a month  ...

virginity

"Single live intrauterine gestation , fetal cardiac activity noted  "   -----long ago  i did this scan on a patient  and though routine for a radiologist  this one was different  .  It was of a friend i knew who came with her boyfriend and the fact that both persons were known to me made a difference  .  Not in the report , not even in my perceptions of them  but  about our soceity   .

Years have passed our soceity has developed in so many ways , has become high tech , has more liberal thoughts open to them through television and internet . The advancement has become so much  that many people spend hours on the net and television imbibing the liberal views and progressive minds .

But the question arises have we really progressed or deteriorated ?  To take the case of virginity as a specific example can either of these couple in question (though unmarried i would call them couple only as they were in a relationship at that time  )  openly tell their family or future spouse what happened to them .  The main reason they are silent is because the soceity at least kerala soceity has very strict moral standards even now  .  Notwithstanding the high testersterone levels which is shown in TV ( full of sex scandals by married people not only politicians  )  when it comes to a young person in a loving relationship coming out with being "not a virgin "  the moral police is upon them irrespective of the state of mind they are in .

                                                                                          Both these people in question are now married not to each other but to different people . I dont think they have confessed even to their spouses about this  . The question is however "moral " we are what is the guarantee that your wife or husband is a virgin at the altar of marriage . It doesnt matter at all for a person like me  but why dont we be honest with ourselves about it  .   A few months back another person told me about the horrible experience she had when she had to undergo an abortion when the moral police was taunting her asking her to justify what happened to her  .

Another related issue is the question of male virginity  .  Our soceity insists so much on female virginity while the male virginity is not given any high moral standards .  Moving towards a more equal soceity (who is moving :)  )   isnt it high time that if  female virginity is given a premium why shouldnt the male also be subject to the same moral standards (if we have any  except the false morality ). The term  pathivratha  itself is feminine and openly says about our double standards . Why not a pathivrathan ?  

                                      One of the most beautiful things in this planet is a relationship  ( not the loveless business deals which personify some marriages )  and as a corollary  the physical part of the relationship is entirely the perview of the people concerned.  And help them if they are in trouble instead of taunting them .
Blog is dedicated to all the moral people who are ostriches and also to the "immoral" people whom  i admire for their honesty in coming out  ......

the first principles of buying

The day began with a visit from the architect uncle . It was one of the "purposeless " visits which luckily is still common in my ancestral home . For that was how visits were always in my childhood when people used to visit simply for the sake of visiting .

Anyway though he was a reserved person he started chatting with me on high rise buildings and why people should buy in the  higher floors compared to lower floors etc . Then he asked me the first principles of buying  a house/apartment . Having pride that i know something about everything  ( its true ask me :)  )  i was suddenly taken aback by the question . I was thinking he was asking some architectural question in laymans terms . But his answer was simple which we all know but seldom follow . Its not the square feet or the choice of flooring that is the first principle but "Why " you are buying the house and "Why u need it at this point of time "  .  Being a learnt man he didnt give a one hour lecture on the random rush of most people to aquire things from dress to cars without thinking "why  "  .

Its a pleasure buying and enjoying the beautiful things money can buy  . There is not even a need to feel guilty about it . But a brief thinking of why is always good ..  And that may also prompt you to decide on luxuries which are more in tune to your need and personality than anything else .

                                                             Especially in kerala i have seen people who build enormous houses after return from gulf often by taking huge loans , spending extravagantly on marriages and landing on big debt and lastly buying and gifting expensive cars and later having no money to maintain it . Then there are people who buy apartments etc on loans because every other person is buying an apartment as "investment " . All these things are fine as long as the first principle is applied "why "  ?  Why spend a fortune on a house which will take an hour to walk from one end to other when all the children are away .  Why not buy a smaller house which is as beautiful but easier to maintain ?

Why spend lakhs on marriages especially inciting random people who complain after eating a kilogram of biriyani about the excess salt in it ? Why bedeck the girl with the entire gold given as dowry so that her neck gets sprained ?  Why dont you invite less people and still luxuriously conduct a marriage with lesser ornaments . ?

And lastly there is nothing wrong in spending lakhs on all these goodies . But you should realise why you are spending that much and consciously make a decision .  After all there is nothing wrong in following my wise architect uncle in his "first principles "  ...

Happy womens day modern day sita devis

                                                                         Women have always fascinated me  .  Dont glare at me nor smile sarcastically  because i mean women in the general sense . From mother , aunt, friend to even the random woman shown on television even animal mothers (for they too are of the feminine gender )  .

Maybe its inbuilt in their genetic makeup by Mother nature  primarily  they  "give " more than they receive . Even in this age of womens liberation after  a  hectic day  of work when they take the lead in childcare and home management  i do stop in awe  to appreciate them . And  i have observed many of them take  on these additional roles  with minimal recognition or often no recognition .  I  definitely agree that the current generation men  (whether spontaneously or due to necessity )  do their  best to do their share of the home management .

Dont for one moment think that i am underestimating men  . I do appreciate the sensitive modern age man which is a growing segment and is the greatest thing a woman can get .  But i am really worried about the other segment who not only appreciates women but does things which creates hell for a woman be it at home or the workplace  .  Yesterdays paper had the news of a 3 year old girl child sexually assaulted and she had multiple surgeries just to repair her physical injuries . Her psychological injuries are better not discussed .  This is just one of the incidents after the gang rape of a woman in  delhi which created a big media uproar .

If rape is the only problem thats just the tip of the iceberg  .  What about the physical , verbal and emotional abuse at homes .  No  no  , i am not saying that women are not to blame in these things but  overall in our patriarchal soceity men get scotfree or even appreciated for these  things  .  And we should remember the Domestic violence Act of 2005 and section 498A of indian penal code which if properly applied can make the abuser and his family behind bars  . The law is skewed towards women and i am fully aware some women misuse it  .  But  what i am surprised is the bulk of the women who are abused emotionally and even physically silently suffer often not even telling about this even to their families  . They do it not because of fear  but as "sarvamsahas " they do it  for their family and children  .I dont agree with their attitude of sarvamsaha  but can  stop again in awe at the  amount of patience they have in doing this and still smiling  .

As men who have women friends can testify few men can give the care they give when you are in trouble .  I am not meaning the solutions to a problem but the level of empathy  . Even studies have proved that empathy is more for women compared to men  .

I need not discuss in detail what happened to sitadevi(read ramayana )  in the end . Inspite of everything and even the test by fire  (to test her chastity  )  she still was not fully accepted  .  And being the daughter of Mother earth the earth split open and accepted her back  .

But as mortal human beings  and being in the 21 st century  cant we work towards a gender "unequal soceity  " .  For  till a man gives birth no man can be equal to a woman  .

PS  :  This is only to show my appreciation for women which is truly from my heart  .  And for the men who do the same .  Of course this article is not to support some women who have not understood the essence of a woman and try to compete with man telling that man and woman are equal  . It is in identifying the unique strengths of both sexes  that women can truly realise their potential  .Happy womens day to all women and the men who treat their women right  ...

Nostalgia

        "   Yesterday  , All my troubles seem so  far away  ...... Music group Beatles   "          

                  

           Whenever i am in my maternal ancestral home being the eldest of the cousins   i think about the past  about  my childhood which i spent there  at  alleppey the venice of the east  .  And each day at every corner memories come back .  Be it the mango tree (its still there ) which was the abode of the little monkey (thats me ) or the big well which was used for a freshwater bath  with my cousins  those were the days  .  Not that like many pessimists who say that the good old days were best and nowadays is very bad . Because as a blogger and facebook and mobile user i cannot honestly say that only those days were good .  

But definitely there were many things at that period which i miss very much . My younger cousins (representing the younger generation ) cannot  vibe with me in this  because they havent seen the full glory of the ancestral home and that era  . For how can they believe the eldest cousin who hates the morning sun (i am a  night person an owl technically )  who once woke up at 5 am  in his childhood without any problem .  

>That was to see a cow giving birth  . I still remember over a course of a few hours the young calf struggling to get up and unlike a human baby walking within a few hours to feed at its mothers teats .  No biology text can teach these better  and even its more thrilling than the discovery channel of nowadays  .  Then what about the tortoises whom we caught when the big pond was cleaned every year and i still remember them going back walking in a line to their cleaned pond after a week  and the biggest one was near a foot big and smallest one was size of my palm (a childs palm ,, i was 7 years then ) .

My younger cousins these days ask me how we used to live in that "ancient "era with no facebook and mobile . The paradox is we were less bored than they are mainly because the house was always full of people and backyard was full of animals .  How can you feel bored when you sleep with three cousins on one side , Moms two sisters on another side and a cat in the middle and with all the associated pillow fights and chatter  .  And in the daytime while fresh seafood is being in the big kitchen  one of the game is " kuttichoru  " where a small  cooking is done in the backyard by Moms sisters with all the cousins watching eagerly  .  I think that was our first cookery class  .

Maybe i am biased or ignorant  but definitely human relationships were more intense  in the good old days  .I used to call my Moms sister also Amma because she was in actions equivalent to my mother . Imagine having more than one mother  ( its a privilege hardly a modern kid gets )  .

Just two days back one random grandfather (not our family but a family friend )  came and during his talk he was telling that his grandson in gulf he met first after two years of his birth  . And he was sarcastically acting out  the "hello grandfather , Mommy told you are my grandpa but i dont really know you  "  .  Then  i was rewinding my memory where i used to hide behind my grandfather when i used to get chased for doing some naughtiness in childhood and also my grandmother whose traditional belt with metallic beads was used as "train  "  by  we kids  ...

Is this called nostalgia  ... Is there anyway our modern kids can be given at least a part of this in their childhood so that they learn to love other people  (rather than themselves alone)  and animals more  ...  

The companion

                                                              Can you live with the devil ?  Yes , provided he/she adjusts the temperature to low when you sleep and  make it high when you eat the chicken tandoori  ( we all like it well done right )  even devil can make a good wife/husband.

Hope you have read my earlier blogs on marriage most of them book reviews (if not please read them  )  .
And though partly my interest in this field is obvious cos i am a foxy bachelor (meaning a bachelor who has never registered in Himalaya Inc  )  another reason is i get inputs on this field wherever i turn

1.  I  read a lot on personality tests and theory due to my pet interest in psychology and in that the key thing discussed after friendship is marriage  and dating  .
2.  Confessions of the sinners  ....I have lost count of the number of people who have pounced on me asking me why i am not getting married ..But the greatest paradox is many of them turning 180 degrees and after a talk to them for an hour telling about what went wrong in their marriage .  No  , its not the , silly little fights which go on in every human relationship but deep ideological differences which has made their marriage an empty shell  .
3. Lastly my little observations which has taught me a lot that smokes usually but not always indicate a fire  ..

Now dont think i am a pessimist in this . I am not  .

According to me the key to a successful marriage is flexibility and understanding .  Marriage advertisements are full of terms like "wanted fair , understanding .... "  etc but practically  whats the proportion of marriages that have "mutual " understanding .  The word mutual is very important because i know lot of marriages which survive (thats the term )  because one of the partners is so understanding that she (usually its a she )  gives in to every whim and fancy of the other partner .  But the end result is a marriage which is relatively loveless and not intimate  .. Now whats the problem in having a loveless marriage ?  Nothing unless true love is a key priority in your life  ..

Another thing which is not as important but  has some role is shared values .  Can you be happy being the husband or wife of a headhunter in a remote island  ?  Yes you can if you  also relish the practice . In short  i have seen couples who have shared values even in things like high degree of materialism  who are happy with each other . But suppose such a highly materialistic person is mated with a person who values affection and love etc . Its an area of potential conflict unless both partners consciously realise this and work on it  ..If you dont know what is ENFJ and ISTP  that doesnt mean you are ignorant  but that you havent been reading my blogs  on personality  ..  I know most of you  have more than expected interest in star signs and hand reading ( i do the latter just for fun )  but  though a little more serious personality tests give more understanding about yourself and even the type of potential partners better than any star sign match  ...

Wishing you all a happy married life or if u r a die hard bachelor  a happy himalayan life  ... stopping for now ... Get me married fast cos i have heard thats the best way to silence a blogger :)

specialty choice

                                               Some time back i saw an interesting joke about specialty choice in medical postgraduation . It was a flow chart showing for eg: like darkness ---radiology  (because in olden times some radiology procedures were done in dark )  ,  hates people ---forensic medicine (because mainly deal with dead bodies ) , etc  .

Though some people know what they want to do the minute they are born for most people just like career it requires a lot of inputs when it comes to specialty choice . But one key thing to be taken in mind is your personality .  If you are a deep thinker and takes days to  arrive at a perfect decision its a no brainer that "Anaesthesia " is not  the specialty for you  .  Similarly there are some specialties which are more analytical eg: general medicine and forensic medicine while many are more handson eg: surgery  .

And if you like to look deeply into other peoples eyes ophthalmology is a good choice :)   If you are a technical guy radiology is one field you should consider  .

Of  course after MBBS since a postgraduate seat is a highly competitive thing partly the choice of specialty is dictated by availability . But still a looking inward will help you choose a specialty which is in touch with your personality and aspirations  .

Though has to be customised for indian scenario bmj career focus has extensive information on postgraduate specialties  .  It even has sections on doctors in pharmaceutical industry, healthcare device industry  etc etc  .
Also it is important that you talk to at least three or four people in midcareer and early career in the corresponding speciality of your interest and better still have a brief experience in that specialty if possible  .  I still remember the radiologist who lost all his hair after my two hour questioning  :)

For non -medicos who read so far  be it career or even in life  the best decisions are made  when we follow our gut feel and personality rather than anything else of course factoring in the other practical factors  .

                                                                               

book review fifty-50 marriage by vijay nagaswami

 On a personal note dont ask me why this "bachelor" is writing this book review of all the things in the world  :) Its because

1. the other things i am reading like animals of the african savannah , the indian penal code and judiciary etc may not be relevant socially

2. This book answers many of the questions on contemporary indian marriage . 

3. It answers on the face some of the dumbest comments i have heard from some "married " men  ...

                                             This book is part of a series of book by Vijay Nagaswami a chennai based couples therapist  on the new indian marriage .  Its a no brainer that the dynamics of marriage has changed from the days of the last generation which was strongly based on a patriarchal soceity . Though it has "worked " for that generation the increasing number of divorces these days is a partial testimony that what worked long ago may not work with the current generation . For starters the economic freedom of women , the idea that marriage is more for companionship than for social reasons etc etc has made the new indian marriage more challenging but more fruitful if you take the right approach .  With real life examples he has given innumerable examples of the different issues in contemporary marriages .

If you are thinking why looking at the garage when you can see the cars going smoothly on the street  .Look around you , though there are many happy marriages , there are many that are true garage cases . Even bad is those which go happily at slow speed with one wheel missing . Of course be honest with yourself because marriage of convenience (where both have very independant lives though married ) and controlling marriage (where one spouse controls other very much )  are not marriages in the real sense .

No the book is not asking you to fix a problem thats not there but this book is a must read for many couples who find something is seriously amiss in their marriage  .  (book is available onwww.flipkart.com)

                                                            I have been advised by a man who had an affair when he was married and later had more kids than national average .  His complaint was i didnt produce a kid so far while he had already beat the national average .  But seeing the first spouses life damaged and the kids growing up with a wrong example i smiled at him because at that time i didnt have a book to quote what i already knew . That was years back .

Recently another sage gave me a short lecture on how to have a great marriage . Knowing his marriage too well i replied that just because his wife was too patient prevented him from becoming a divorce statistic  .  That was also before i read this book which confirmed my observations . 

Now even for one moment dont think that i am against marriage . I am not else i would have long ago gone to haridwar  :)  .  But seriously for many married couples unless they are really "happily " married this book will be helpful  i hope to enhance their marriage  and to understand what is marriage  (yes thats a bold statement from a bachelor  .. but i mean it  ..comments welcome  )