Do you know why movies like titanic and casablanca are so famous . Its not because of their photography or their acting (though that all is too good ) or not even about Kate Winslett . Its because its about true love the ideal we all aim for in our relationships . Now lets be real ... Movies are movies and reality is different . But being an ardent reader of autobiographies and with a keen interest in psychology as well as having a wide range of friends who are married , single and some divorced its but natural that i think about this occassionally about the male -female relationships around me be it the puppy love , the not-so-puppy love and the holy grail the marriage .
India is one of the countries which has the least divorce rates . But recently the trend is changing rapidly with kerala becoming the divorce capital of india multifold growth in divorce rates . And though we prefer to shut a blind eye to the negative things including divorces these days many of the divorces happen soon also . There are cases of divorces happening in weeks to months after marriage . And divorces are not rare at all even around yourself and has become part of conversations these days . I often used to think why for flimsy reasons these youngsters divorce and why cant they face reality and take the good along with the bad . Yes even in the most ideal marriage lots of flexibility , understanding etc is required to make the marriage work . And there are many happy marriages around .
But why this pro-marriage person is worried is not because of all this . Its because these days some of my married friends who are "happily married " are telling their not so happy stories . Those who know me knows that i never prod anyone for their personal lives unless they share it . And some of the stories are shocking . One of my younger good friend is telling about after her recent marriage she was hospitalised after domestic abuse and the daily verbal abuse by her partner which is unprintable . Another friend of mine getting emotionally abused on a daily basis and putting up with it for the "sake of children and parents " .
Yet another friend putting up with the extramarital dalliances of her partner .
Having written earlier blogs on this topic why i write this one is for a specific cause . Marriage still is a great institution provided it is entered into for the right reasons by the right people . But marriage is not an excuse for getting abused be it physical or emotional . Though fights etc are part and parcel of marriage a persistent abuse from one partner warrants family counselling from a good therapist . This is all the more important because sometimes one of the partner could have narcissistic or any of the other personality disorders . And surprisingly the "victim " of abuse may also be part of the problem with severe self esteem issues which allow their partner to abuse them . With so much information available on the internet and books these days ( check out http://drharoonhmarikar.blogspot.in/2013/03/book-review-fifty-50-marriage-by-vijay_4506.html ) its high time in this twentyfirst century be happily married for the right reasons or at least evaluate yourself and the situation realistically with the help of a good therapist . Since india still prides on its low divorce rate compared to western cultures we should still try to uphold our tradition ( Am i sarcastic here , maybe ) . But " abuse " in marriage in whatever form is a wake up call to think about not only your situation but also yourself as a person and make informed decisions .(be it 1 day or 10 years )
And lastly i am pro-marriage and also against divorces for flimsy reasons and where flexibility can solve many but not all problems . And i also realise that our great soceity looks down upon single moms and divorcees . But i think there are ways to be assertive in any interpersonal relationship and the concept of free will . Is my thinking because i dont like abuse in any form as its a violation of anothers independence or taking things too personally because my friends are getting affected . Could be both .Would love your feedback in the feedback form on the right side . Thanks for reading ..
India is one of the countries which has the least divorce rates . But recently the trend is changing rapidly with kerala becoming the divorce capital of india multifold growth in divorce rates . And though we prefer to shut a blind eye to the negative things including divorces these days many of the divorces happen soon also . There are cases of divorces happening in weeks to months after marriage . And divorces are not rare at all even around yourself and has become part of conversations these days . I often used to think why for flimsy reasons these youngsters divorce and why cant they face reality and take the good along with the bad . Yes even in the most ideal marriage lots of flexibility , understanding etc is required to make the marriage work . And there are many happy marriages around .
But why this pro-marriage person is worried is not because of all this . Its because these days some of my married friends who are "happily married " are telling their not so happy stories . Those who know me knows that i never prod anyone for their personal lives unless they share it . And some of the stories are shocking . One of my younger good friend is telling about after her recent marriage she was hospitalised after domestic abuse and the daily verbal abuse by her partner which is unprintable . Another friend of mine getting emotionally abused on a daily basis and putting up with it for the "sake of children and parents " .
Yet another friend putting up with the extramarital dalliances of her partner .
Having written earlier blogs on this topic why i write this one is for a specific cause . Marriage still is a great institution provided it is entered into for the right reasons by the right people . But marriage is not an excuse for getting abused be it physical or emotional . Though fights etc are part and parcel of marriage a persistent abuse from one partner warrants family counselling from a good therapist . This is all the more important because sometimes one of the partner could have narcissistic or any of the other personality disorders . And surprisingly the "victim " of abuse may also be part of the problem with severe self esteem issues which allow their partner to abuse them . With so much information available on the internet and books these days ( check out http://drharoonhmarikar.blogspot.in/2013/03/book-review-fifty-50-marriage-by-vijay_4506.html ) its high time in this twentyfirst century be happily married for the right reasons or at least evaluate yourself and the situation realistically with the help of a good therapist . Since india still prides on its low divorce rate compared to western cultures we should still try to uphold our tradition ( Am i sarcastic here , maybe ) . But " abuse " in marriage in whatever form is a wake up call to think about not only your situation but also yourself as a person and make informed decisions .(be it 1 day or 10 years )
And lastly i am pro-marriage and also against divorces for flimsy reasons and where flexibility can solve many but not all problems . And i also realise that our great soceity looks down upon single moms and divorcees . But i think there are ways to be assertive in any interpersonal relationship and the concept of free will . Is my thinking because i dont like abuse in any form as its a violation of anothers independence or taking things too personally because my friends are getting affected . Could be both .Would love your feedback in the feedback form on the right side . Thanks for reading ..
Atleast in films v could enjoy real love. but in real life love is becoming acting which leads to all abuses as life move forward...sm r traped by love n sm r traped by parents decision bt ultimately no one realize the life which they have to live. [understand anything?...yes thats life--certain things v cant disclose n certain things v r nt able to communicate...so total confusion]....in my point of view the boy n girl should speak everything with the knowledge of parents b4 marriage n gud understanding...after speaking need to take gud decision..bt wat happen is even tho thy speak (rarely thy speak) thy will try to hid a lot; to get the partner [this is actually a real life which i seen]..nd also thy value money n family status bt thy 4get what is LOVE? n whter it is present between them?...BUT NO ONE HAVE POWER TO DO ANY PHYSICAL ABUSES TO ANYONE....[so sad to tell more...even there is no judiciary to help even if thy complain]......so v cud do is just pray.
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