I was not about to buy this book from an airport bookstore as i was not married and generally people buy a guide after doing it .. But the reverse cover had these statements :Whos the right one ? Interesting even for a bachelor :)
Which is better a love marriage or arranged ? Hmmm ... more interesting ..
"Get married " is never the right answer to "what next " Hmmm..... maybe i can answer some dumb questions and advice thrown at me more effectively ...
And after seeing that this book is written by a famous newspaper columnist and in addition a couples therapist who has seen the effect of random hookups ( though marriage is a great institution many of them are nothing more than civilised random hookups based on money etc ) i bought the book and read it .
Yes , many of the material in it is highly relevant in the new indian marriage which he has defined which is very different from the "marriage " of the older generation. This book shows marriage for what it is in a really mature way -- the I space , We space etc etc which serves as a great roadmap for newly wed couples and even for the potential newlyweds (singles ) . With numerous examples he has shown which are the areas in which a little conscious attention like career-family balance . dealing with family members etc will go a long way towards a happy married life rather than the "show off " happy married life which i am sure at least some people have .
Just like swimming or driving marriage is not rocket science but a few key principles go a long way towards success .The part in which some of the "happy " marriages are where one partner silently suffers while the dominant one thinks he/she is having a great marriage is given ; also where some marriages where both the partners continue to be the great single people coming together in the same house like room-mates for a short while . Since this is not my subject i am not elaborating but the take home messages are two :
1. i am not in book advertisement but this is a worth read : 24 x7 marriage vijay nagaswami author westland publications
2. dont argue with me on marriage : i learnt that my observations and thoughts about marriage are very correct and many of the random questions asked to me are plain dumb ..
Truly an interesting review and an equally interesting subject. Well! Having observed atleast a few relationships in my life time, It gives me mixed feelings. I have came across some couples who happen to be in their mid to late 70’s now, mostly gives me a feeling that they are not at all satisfied and something is lacking in their venture, contrary to that there are several others who leads life on the other end of the scale as well, making you quiet envious Or atleast they make you wish you were as successful as them.
ReplyDeleteBTW As a personal note: Even the worst of the relationships has little mercies in life with those little moments of joy and togetherness, to which skeptics might say that there are a million other ways to find joy other than committing oneself to the establishment of marriage.
Always the books seems to be selling at Flipkart for INR 175, apparently they even have COD. So I will give it a try some time.
@santosh .. thanks for reading and commenting . I love long comments :) . Nowhere it is more important than in human relationships including marriage where the duration is of much less important than "quality " of the relationship . Marriages are not made in heaven ... they are here only if a little diligence and commonsense is applied
ReplyDeleteHaroon, why do you want to seek 100% perfectness in marriage when there is no such thing for anything in the world? Even in friendship, you get good friends sometimes and bad friends at other times. Even with good friends you need to do a lot of adjustments. There has to be give and take. Not take, take, take always. But on the whole we can't do away with friends. Same is the case with a spouse. You need to marry for having a family, even if you don't care for sexual morality of the society.
ReplyDeleteFriends can't stick with you forever, but a spouse can. Parents will get old and need care after a certain time and will be incapable of looking after your welfare after then. Over and above that, when you get old you need companionship when the younger gen. find you uninteresting and friends of your youth are occupied in different places and in different causes. Really, there is no replacement for marriage. That is the reason why even widows/widowers/divorcees marry.
I am not against marriage ; neither am i for the "makeshift " marriages which i see in at least many cases of older generation .They survives because many women were so adjusting . I fully agree with the points you have told but just told (as the book also fully agrees ) the new indian marriage is mainly about companionship . When i get a reasonably ok girl of "my liking" i will marry ..Dont ask me what i was doing all these years ... I was sleeping :) Thanks for the comment .
ReplyDeleteAnd NO i am not looking for the "perfect girl " either .
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