The companion

                                                              Can you live with the devil ?  Yes , provided he/she adjusts the temperature to low when you sleep and  make it high when you eat the chicken tandoori  ( we all like it well done right )  even devil can make a good wife/husband.

Hope you have read my earlier blogs on marriage most of them book reviews (if not please read them  )  .
And though partly my interest in this field is obvious cos i am a foxy bachelor (meaning a bachelor who has never registered in Himalaya Inc  )  another reason is i get inputs on this field wherever i turn

1.  I  read a lot on personality tests and theory due to my pet interest in psychology and in that the key thing discussed after friendship is marriage  and dating  .
2.  Confessions of the sinners  ....I have lost count of the number of people who have pounced on me asking me why i am not getting married ..But the greatest paradox is many of them turning 180 degrees and after a talk to them for an hour telling about what went wrong in their marriage .  No  , its not the , silly little fights which go on in every human relationship but deep ideological differences which has made their marriage an empty shell  .
3. Lastly my little observations which has taught me a lot that smokes usually but not always indicate a fire  ..

Now dont think i am a pessimist in this . I am not  .

According to me the key to a successful marriage is flexibility and understanding .  Marriage advertisements are full of terms like "wanted fair , understanding .... "  etc but practically  whats the proportion of marriages that have "mutual " understanding .  The word mutual is very important because i know lot of marriages which survive (thats the term )  because one of the partners is so understanding that she (usually its a she )  gives in to every whim and fancy of the other partner .  But the end result is a marriage which is relatively loveless and not intimate  .. Now whats the problem in having a loveless marriage ?  Nothing unless true love is a key priority in your life  ..

Another thing which is not as important but  has some role is shared values .  Can you be happy being the husband or wife of a headhunter in a remote island  ?  Yes you can if you  also relish the practice . In short  i have seen couples who have shared values even in things like high degree of materialism  who are happy with each other . But suppose such a highly materialistic person is mated with a person who values affection and love etc . Its an area of potential conflict unless both partners consciously realise this and work on it  ..If you dont know what is ENFJ and ISTP  that doesnt mean you are ignorant  but that you havent been reading my blogs  on personality  ..  I know most of you  have more than expected interest in star signs and hand reading ( i do the latter just for fun )  but  though a little more serious personality tests give more understanding about yourself and even the type of potential partners better than any star sign match  ...

Wishing you all a happy married life or if u r a die hard bachelor  a happy himalayan life  ... stopping for now ... Get me married fast cos i have heard thats the best way to silence a blogger :)

specialty choice

                                               Some time back i saw an interesting joke about specialty choice in medical postgraduation . It was a flow chart showing for eg: like darkness ---radiology  (because in olden times some radiology procedures were done in dark )  ,  hates people ---forensic medicine (because mainly deal with dead bodies ) , etc  .

Though some people know what they want to do the minute they are born for most people just like career it requires a lot of inputs when it comes to specialty choice . But one key thing to be taken in mind is your personality .  If you are a deep thinker and takes days to  arrive at a perfect decision its a no brainer that "Anaesthesia " is not  the specialty for you  .  Similarly there are some specialties which are more analytical eg: general medicine and forensic medicine while many are more handson eg: surgery  .

And if you like to look deeply into other peoples eyes ophthalmology is a good choice :)   If you are a technical guy radiology is one field you should consider  .

Of  course after MBBS since a postgraduate seat is a highly competitive thing partly the choice of specialty is dictated by availability . But still a looking inward will help you choose a specialty which is in touch with your personality and aspirations  .

Though has to be customised for indian scenario bmj career focus has extensive information on postgraduate specialties  .  It even has sections on doctors in pharmaceutical industry, healthcare device industry  etc etc  .
Also it is important that you talk to at least three or four people in midcareer and early career in the corresponding speciality of your interest and better still have a brief experience in that specialty if possible  .  I still remember the radiologist who lost all his hair after my two hour questioning  :)

For non -medicos who read so far  be it career or even in life  the best decisions are made  when we follow our gut feel and personality rather than anything else of course factoring in the other practical factors  .

                                                                               

book review fifty-50 marriage by vijay nagaswami

 On a personal note dont ask me why this "bachelor" is writing this book review of all the things in the world  :) Its because

1. the other things i am reading like animals of the african savannah , the indian penal code and judiciary etc may not be relevant socially

2. This book answers many of the questions on contemporary indian marriage . 

3. It answers on the face some of the dumbest comments i have heard from some "married " men  ...

                                             This book is part of a series of book by Vijay Nagaswami a chennai based couples therapist  on the new indian marriage .  Its a no brainer that the dynamics of marriage has changed from the days of the last generation which was strongly based on a patriarchal soceity . Though it has "worked " for that generation the increasing number of divorces these days is a partial testimony that what worked long ago may not work with the current generation . For starters the economic freedom of women , the idea that marriage is more for companionship than for social reasons etc etc has made the new indian marriage more challenging but more fruitful if you take the right approach .  With real life examples he has given innumerable examples of the different issues in contemporary marriages .

If you are thinking why looking at the garage when you can see the cars going smoothly on the street  .Look around you , though there are many happy marriages , there are many that are true garage cases . Even bad is those which go happily at slow speed with one wheel missing . Of course be honest with yourself because marriage of convenience (where both have very independant lives though married ) and controlling marriage (where one spouse controls other very much )  are not marriages in the real sense .

No the book is not asking you to fix a problem thats not there but this book is a must read for many couples who find something is seriously amiss in their marriage  .  (book is available onwww.flipkart.com)

                                                            I have been advised by a man who had an affair when he was married and later had more kids than national average .  His complaint was i didnt produce a kid so far while he had already beat the national average .  But seeing the first spouses life damaged and the kids growing up with a wrong example i smiled at him because at that time i didnt have a book to quote what i already knew . That was years back .

Recently another sage gave me a short lecture on how to have a great marriage . Knowing his marriage too well i replied that just because his wife was too patient prevented him from becoming a divorce statistic  .  That was also before i read this book which confirmed my observations . 

Now even for one moment dont think that i am against marriage . I am not else i would have long ago gone to haridwar  :)  .  But seriously for many married couples unless they are really "happily " married this book will be helpful  i hope to enhance their marriage  and to understand what is marriage  (yes thats a bold statement from a bachelor  .. but i mean it  ..comments welcome  ) 

I am in wrong company

                                                               Today i met my friend . I was gifted a box of foreign chocolates , a box of plum cake and it was not my birthday  .  A few months back i was gifted a shirt by a leading brand  .  Then also it was not  my birthday  .  And knowing this person very well i know that the gifts are an extension of affection . I have numerous friends and most of them are not this "gifty "  .  We live in a highly "non -materialistic world "  (  intentently sarcastic comment  )  so  my friend as well as myself are a rarity  and we are  " materialistic"  giving and expecting gifts  ...

Before considering us as freaks of nature consider a few more freaks too   ... Last month i was in my uncles home ( a great gifter himself  )  .  Suddenly there was a boy standing outside with a large packet  and a smile . Their neighbour had just returned from gulf country and the neighbours son was giving us the gift they had brought from gulf to my uncle and family . Opened the packet it contained foreign chocolates and out came some creams , some branded perfumes even a Mont Blanc pen (whew...)  Is this what they call love your neighbour like your brother  ?  Next day even more "shocking " news . This neighbour had gifted some other neighbours and even the fisherman ( whom they knew well ) a gift (not Mont Blanc pen )  . I asked whether the neighbour was visiting india back first time . Aunt told that whenever they come from abroad they bring gifts to many  .

My non -earning favourite cousin out of his pocket money once gifted me a parker pen .  (again not on a birthday or special occasion )  . It was just out of affection and he could spare some money out of his pocket money  .

Why i am writing this blog is because of two reasons  :
1 These days i am not seeing that much gift bringing by foreign returnees  . Is it the recession or has cost of perfumes gone up drastically  (  I am sarcastically materialistic here )

2.  Because the friend was asked by me not to gift me too much  . For because of gifting though i know very much is due to affection i find the difference too stark . Affection should be in  mind only . It should not be expressed in gifts and even if you are should buy the cheapest or duplicate ones so that hard earned money is saved  .

                                    Lastly  i am a highly materialistic person ... Because i am one of the persons who came half (yes exactly half no exaggeration ) of my suitcase filled with chocolates for others when i visited from gulf  . So for the rare few who continue showing part of your affection through gifting  please continue to do so  but realise that you are a dying breed  ...

movie review tamil kadal by mani ratnam

                                                        When my cousin told that she couldnt get the tickets for the malayalam movie and got tickets for a tamil movie  to tell frankly  i told Oh God .  Not that i dont like tamil  movies and the pretty heroines dancing and thin heroes(some of them ) bashing up guys three times their size  . But i cant watch it for 2 hours  ...

Few spoilers ahead  .....and little graphic  (you are warned )

The film starts with a man on a rainy day visiting a prostitute in a fishing village  .  He tells her kid to go out and the boy is standing in the rain  .  Within minutes the man comes out and tells the boy her son --"Look, she has been dead for hours"  .  The boy crying when she is not taken to be buried in the churchyard  (  still indecent people have  no place in the churchyard  )  and she is buried by the sea  by a group of drunk gravediggers and when her leg sticks out one of them breaks it and puts ir into the makeshift coffin  .

Two random thoughts  .....Can this scene happen in real life to some child   ?   Yes , it can  ...Because even prostitutes frequently give birth

Who has taken this serious movie?   ( movies are supposed to make you laugh , oogle at pretty women etc  )..   Any third rate director  ???  Or a sleepy award winning director  ?? Its none other than our  dear Manirathnam Sir who needs no introduction and most importantly knows how to take good commercial cinemas with value  .

Dont get me wrong by this first scene the movie has all the elements of commercial cinema even has two three beautiful nicely choreographed dance sequences , a nice romance (with pretty girl included )  and even beautiful music score by A R Rahman  . The story is good a different theme though based on the classic good vs evil theme but a really different way of presentation .

The cinematography is superb and the backdrop is the beautiful Andaman and Nicobar islands  .  Our Roja Arvind Swami is back in action with a great role and he has acted really well . So is the villain Arjun .

When we parked our car for first time in my life  the parking lot was empty  . I thought we were very early .  When we went out it was near empty  .  The "thara ticket " i mean the non -balcony seats were near empty too  . I agree this was a commercial cinema with a serious theme . But considering the "intellectual " malayali movie goer i take it that the movie goers standards have decreased  .  Because i dont think it deserves the kind of reception that it received .

This is one movie i liked because it is really deep (just like the name suggests )  . If you like serious cinema watch it  ...Kadal (tamil )  by Maniratnam

Koodevide movie and some little thoughts

                                                                            If you have a loving heart and you like movies  one movie you shouldnt miss is Padmarajans film Koodevide .Is it  the picturesque Ootty the hillstation , the haunting  musical background (Padmarajan specialty ) or the natural acting of Suhasini, Mammootty or Rahman  that captivated me  and made this one of my favourite movies of all time ?  No , it was the theme of the movie ..Love  .. Not the romantic love which is seen in so many movies but the pure love between a teacher and a student transcending the boundaries of teacher-student relationship .  Those who have experienced love in its myriad forms know what i am talking about . Its about the motherly love between a lady teacher (Suhasini ) and the teenager boy (Rahman) .

Whenever we talk about love we think about the love between close relations  --the blood relatives . Or the love ---between non-blood which falls into the realm of romantic love . Of course the third one is close friendship . But there is a fourth category --motherly,fatherly,sisterly affection between two people .  Just like the joy of eating chocolate cannot be explained in words this fourth type of love should be experienced to be appreciated . For how else can you explain a relationship with a person who is not your blood and sometimes not even of the same religion where the feelings and affection conveyed are indistinguishable from motherly or sisterly affection . And what if that affection exceeds the love of actual biological mother or sister?

Can a teacher love her student like a son especially if they are of opposite gender ? Its possible .  Can a beautiful unwed lady love a non related kid like a mother ? Its possible ..Think about our very own Miss World Sushmita Sen who has adopted a kid . And what when a friend shows such strong affection and concern for you like a sister ?  What should you call her --- a friend or a sister  ?

sick wife or customer ? Whom to choose

Whenever i drive my maruti swift (I love marutis anyday ) i remember the salesperson who sold us the vehicle .  Being in the company which sells the largest number of cars in india it was surprising to see the level of patience he showed in explaining everything and not trying to "hard sell "  any particular model or variant of the maruti car . And the most amazing part was on the day of delivery of the car this man was with us with a smile but one which hid sadness . My father who is as quick as me in sensing this feeling asked him what was bothering him . He didnt answer initially but on further prodding he told his wife has just returned from hospital the previous day  .  Considering his reluctance to leave us "the customer " we told him clearly please proceed to his sick wife as we are very happy with his service and dont need him at the showroom at that time (it was 9 pm  :  it was the march price changing time for cars and there were extra workload on the staff )  .  Before leaving he delegated his work to his coworker and the coworker also did an excellent job of explaining all the details .

Yes it was the first time i had a salesperson going to this extent but through my 10 + years of being a maruti customer (maruti 800  ---maruti zen  ---maruti swift )  i can vouch that i am 10/10 satisfied with maruti sales and service  .  (  I am not in car sales , so you can trust me  :) )  ..  This same level of customer is the king attitude was seen not only in trivandrum ,kerala but even when i had a maruti zen in mumbai . Being one of the most busy cities in the world even there  whenever i visited maruti in between my busy schedule the maruti employee was there treating you as if you had bought a Rolls Royce  .  Not only the product but i think this customer service is the very reason their cars are selling like hotcakes inspite of stiff competition from other carmakers  .

I gave the maruti example because  looking around you we find customer service is one thing where many big companies lack  . These days "Customer is the king " attitude is told everywhere and countless management textbooks have been written on this topic .  But  its not rocket science to understand that in sales it is one of the key parameter which attracts and retains the consumer . Also the implementation of it is fairly simple ...Just have a genuine interest in the customer you are serving and realise that  however big you or your company is without him (the customer )  tomorrow you may not exist . For without sales and income from operations there is no "sales-person "  .

Regarding misselling and hardselling by some unscruplous salespersons i will be writing a separate blog . Meanwhile lets appreciate the good companies which value their customers and the brand ambassadors of these companies--- " the honest , hardworking ,customerfriendly " salespersons . They are not a majority these days but i am optimistic that the customerfriendly ones will increase in number because the market and consumer will ultimately reward the good ones ...Yes i bought a maruti instead of Rolls Royce because of better customer service :):)  (pls believe me )