Happy new year ... from the blogger

                                              A happy new year to all of you  :)  

Now each New year day is spend differently .  And for me this year no partying as i am out of town . But of course more than partying i value the midnight 11:59 calls from my friends and i was happy with that  and of course the best food in Coimbatore .  No dancing as i didnt have my dancer friends in this town  . (that is mumbai  )  

Thinking back on this year i am overall happy that it has given me many positive experiences .  

Some people say new year is just another day  .. It is  ... But it symbolises the passing of time  ... Whether we are happy or unhappy about it  time will pass neither fast or slow  . Though many  people say  " I dont have time "  i think  we can "find time"   if we really desire and actually   " have enough and more time "  both for oneself and for others  .  

Even in this case of blogging  this is my 179 th blog and the majority have been done in this last year  .  Recently one of my old neighbour friend commented  " You have a lot of time thats why you are blogging  "  . But i smiled and told   that i enjoy it thats why i blog   and " i find  time for it "even though i am fairly busy myself with a fulltime job  with significant travel also  .  And if you think thats the only thing i do  again its wrong  .."  I find time "  to do my  gym fairly regularly and yesterday marks exactly one year since i started doing it  .  Didnt i have this time all these years  ... Or was 2012 having 30 hours  each day  ?  No  ... i made gym also a priority  .  Oh so you must not be visiting your friends and relatives  ?  I never  visit any of my friends or relatives except  whom i really like  ( and that is not one or two  )  .  I spend quality time with my relatives and friends only thing is im quite choosy in spending time whom i am with . Afterall no one has unlimited time  ... But  this is also the answer to  all those people who say  " I dont have time to visit my friends and relatives ... I am too busy  "  .  

Work is important  (  without sounding narcissistic im pretty good at it  too  )  but  if there is a little time management and a little " new year resolution :)  "  all of us can definitely "find time  "  in 2013  . Afterall  2013 has the same seconds as 2000  ...

happy new year again and hope you find time psst  ... also  to read my blog :)   

book review opposites attract by renee baron

                                                     One grandmother is asking a grandfather " Do you love me?"  . The grandfather replied "  I told you I did when we got married "  .Of course the sensitive grandmother's that days walk in the park was over ... She went back home immediately  leaving the grandfather perplexed ..
" But i told the truth ... Why should i say everyday that i love her ... isnt it artificial  ?  "He thought to himself  ...

( He didnt get dinner that day  too :)  my guess  )

Anyway this was one of the cartoons in the book "  opposites attract "  a book on personality types and their interactions in relationships by Renee Baron (available online on flipkart ) .  Though there are other books including "please understand me " etc this book i liked because it is very simple to understand . It has lots of cartoons and quotes and examples which for the layman is a bonus   .  Its based on famous MBTI  (Myers Briggs typology ) which is most popular personality test in the world over 50 + years old  .It  classifies people on 4 major axis ... Sensing/iNtuition , Feeling/Thinking , Extraversion/Introversion . Perceiving /Judging . Not very complicated if you are a little interested in human psychology but the beauty of this book is for many people may not be much interested in going in depth  can in simple language understand the principles of personality typing  and more importantly apply it in daily life in their interactions .It helps to understand other peoples thinking styles better  .

I have seen extremely nice people whose communication  is a real problem between each other just because they dont understand how the other person is thinking  .  Of course there is no point in checking out the thoughts of every other person but if you know the patterns of thinking  it will go a long way in better communication be it in friendship , casual aquaintances , work colleagues and intimate relationships  . It will also help for many people who wonder " why the other person is not changing " inspite of my best efforts ..


http://drharoonhmarikar.blogspot.in/2012/12/the-personality-test.html  my earlier blog also may interest you if you are interested in this topic ..

So wishing you better knowledge ..

the ferrari and the jeep

                                               Once upon a time there was a racing car  lets call it Ferrari . It used to go at speeds more than 300 km per hour through fantastic roads in the italian countryside .  Everyone used to look at it  with awe for not only the streamlined beauty it was but it was the fastest car in that part  ( I know Bugatti Veyron and others are faster ..but my blog is not on cars  )  .  But one day disaster struck . The beautiful smooth roads in which it travelled closed down and that was the end of the dream days of the ferrari  . 

But this ferrari was not an ordinary ferrari  .  It knew its road days were over .  On both sides were rough terrain which never it could it dream of going as its ground clearance etc were never designed for off -roading .  It  knew its engine was still the most powerful in the world and retaining it , it adapted its suspension , ground clearance etc and soon it was able to go through the rough terrain with hills and uneven ground . Not only it was able to travel in these rough terrain it did it as gracefully and with as much style as it became the off roading champion .. Dont ask me how a ferrari changed into a jeep  , the off roading champion . Instead go through the following  ... 

There was a girl who always wanted to be a pilot .  Though it was a tough course and a challenging one especially for women long ago  she made it through all the stringent exams not only passing them  but emerging with first rank  .  She was also selected for the best job in the airline industry .  But unlike doctors and engineers pilots have to go through a stringent medical test .  If they fail the test however good they are they cannot fly and if the test results are significant sometimes they are never allowed to fly ...

This girl who was brightest and the best unfortunately couldnt pass her medical ( abnormal test results are no ones fault  )  . She was given the verdict that she could never fly in this country  . ( rules are slightly variable country to country and indian laws in aviation are pretty strict )  . She contested that in courts but to no avail . This would have broken the wings of any ordinary girl . But she was not the one to easily give up . Her flying days were over but she decided to dedicate her life to help people fly  ... To be a flight instructor  .  For information , being one of the most complicated engineering marvel , an aircraft requires tremendous amount of knowledge to fly  most of it is done on the ground in flight simulators as well as extensive physics theoretical background , navigation etc etc  ... Whatever that didnt require actually being airborne was her area .. She became good at it and soon she became one of the best instructors in their training academy  .  As a fringe benefit because of its teaching nature she had lot of thankful students who she taught and vicariously she was flying not one but a thousand aircraft through her students . And unlike the other pilots who had odd shifts she had a predominantly 9-5 job with its obvious advantages . 

Now dont ask me how the ferrari became the best off roader jeep .  As human beings , when roads become difficult the car can fight it and go forward . But occasionally when the roads completely shutdown be it career etc  we should look sideways and with a little flexibility  (humans are really flexible  )  most can really do well in other things  .  The main thing here also as in my earlier blogs is hope and the attitude that when one road closes down another will open up  ..Happy off -roading  :)

The hunter and the thread

                                                                I  remember  long ago  i read  in tinkle comics  about a little boy  who was seen outside a  toy shop  .  On enquiry  by two passersby  "Where are your parents  ? "  . He  replied  "They are busy playing inside  "   .  These days  the "toys" are so sophisticated that you really  cant blame the  parent  or  the uncle  ( in my case  )   to  be busy inside the  toyshop  "selecting "  the toys for them  or  honestly speaking  playing inside with the  hi-fi toys  inside the toyshop  .

Yesterday  went to select two  toys for my twin nephews  and found out that selecting a  toy for kids these days is no easy job .  Add to that  many of them these days  have many of those toys  and what we find amusing may not get even a casual glance from them  .  To make a long story short  i finally bought them a small toy each and  made the main purchase of two cute dresses  .

                      . As expected they played with the toys  for  around one hour and when the novelty factor worn off they were back to their games  .  The house is literally full of toys but it was really curious to watch them play .  The paradox was they were not playing with all the available toys but a small paper rose and a long piece of thread .  They were playing with these simple things for hours on end without any boredom .  Around 7 years old and above average intelligence and already seen the toys including computer games it was a paradox to watch them play with a simple piece of thread and a paper rose . Apparently they were imagining them as making a trap to catch us and make them into their pets . The cost of this toy was less than 10 rupees  ?  And the main factor which helped them into this great game was their imagination which children have no dearth of  .

Fast backward my childhood . I was lucky enough to have a dad who owned a toy shop and all the latest toys were in the house whenever they were released . Of course i loved my beautiful trainsets , the mechano sets , the doctors sets etc .... but there was one thing other than my endless cycling that thrilled me for hours  .  It was a simple bow and arrow made out of sticks as crude it can be  and i used to roam about our large backyard . (Around an acre )  .  It was full of greenery and with large trees and i was supposed to be a big hunter there .  A simple toy and large imagination.

Of course i am not telling we should stop buying the toys especially the hi-tech ones but in addition even in this digital age the crude toys are as relevant . Does these children have any message for the bmw flaunting adults who sometimes even live beyond their means for these large toys   ??  Or are present day kids more mature and giving us a message  ... I think yes .. observe them and learn from them ...

burning the midnight oil

                                                                      Long ago while i was in medical college a prominent music band came to play for our college festival . Being a western music fan we enjoyed the  music they played very much and after the function me and my friends went backstage and talked to them . When one of the guitarists told everyday he used to practise for 4-6 hrs my friend who was an amateur guitarist smiled knowingly while me (who used to appreciate music only  )  was puzzled at why you need to practise this much everyday for many months for a series of 5 minute rock and pop music  ?

In my childhood i used to burn the proverbial midnight oil  . Excepting the first one month of an academic year everyday i used to study many hours  . But just like i was perplexed by the guitarist who told he practised many hours everyday  i too encountered so many people who was surprised by the hours i put in everyday in my studies  .  Apparently  many expected genius to take care of the examination  results . In short few people understood the amount of studies required to really excel in the examinations .  It was even funny sometimes when some parents used to take me to their home to tell the "magic secret " of how to excel in the examinations .

Thinking retrospectively  i think there are indeed a few secrets in really excelling in examinations and first one is really the obvious one as told above  but seldom understood by most  .  Depending on your target you have to put in proportionate hours of studies ( i deliberately avoid the term hardwork :)  cos thats a misnomer  )  .And dont tell me all are targeting the 99 th percentile (the rank  )  .

Other than the hours of study  another key secret is you have to be really interested in knowledge  .  I still remember i used to get really thrilled when the teacher was teaching not only the working of human body but the prime numbers , the male female differences in hindi words , the historic battles in history subject etc etc .  Dont know whether i had this extra curiosity for this academic (  ?? boring ) subjects but this helped a great deal in making the "hardwork " of studies really interesting for the most part .  Even after so many years i still remember how each metal which we use for daily use gets extracted from its ore ,  etc etc . Maybe because i was a bookworm  :)  but  i really enjoyed studies  and i think if not there in the child can be instilled to some degree by proper teaching methods  .

If you think i am a narcissist  (which i am :)  )  dont read the third secret  .  Keep  reasonable targets .  Everyone is not cut out to be a rank student  .  The same person (myself )  who was a rank student knew at an early stage that i will not be a great sportsperson  .  But right from childhood made it a point to attend most of the sports competitions in school knowing fully well that i will not be best in it  .  I still remember where i combined my long jump and hurdles in one go  where i was flying in the air having hit the hurdle and having enough gashes in my leg  . The point is keep reasonable targets for the children knowing fully well where their interests are . i am fully aware that in our soceity though no one wants to be a bookworm everyone wants great academic results . But  be realistic about your childrens academic pursuits .  Most children are agreeable to put in reasonable efforts in studying but push them adequately but not too much  ..(I have many academic failures in my mind now who were pushed too much)  . . I gave the sports example because though there are a few "gifted " people who really excel in both sports and academics i was not that gifted to excel in both  .  (no regrets too ).

Last secret  is just because you are studying and doing "hard work " doesnt mean  that you shouldnt relax . Though it was not apparent to others except my parents i used to take frequent breaks from my studies to enjoy all my  small hobbies which included but not limited to seeing tv , reading fiction , music , cycling and even sports ..

So  understanding that academically this is a competitive age but still push in sufficient strength so that children realise their optimal academic success which can easily translate to first classes and distinctions and for a few really interested ones the rank too  .  My point is dont push them so much that they hate studies and also dont ignore them so much that they forget that the key secret of academic success is " studying regularly and of sufficient duration "

Nowadays i am not pressured to study cos i am in a job for past 10+ years . But still the "bookworm " in me is as active and tries to eat what it gets from the internet and books on various fields .. Is it called study  ??  I dont know

--- a bookworm ...

the baby

Children are always cute . Babies are cuter .  We are all in the same page here . All of us ? Yes , all of us love babies . 

Now the question comes ?  Do you love babies borne out of inter-religious marriages ?  My answer is an emphatic yes again . And here also "all "of you agree with me ??  I hope so  ... Let me explain ...

Last week one of the aunties  ( aunties meaning anyone who is of the age of my mother that is who is after long stay on earth has attained sufficient maturity  )  casually enquired about my cousins newborn . But the conversation soon turned on its naming . What was presumably a jovial enquiry on the state of the newborn was a covered sarcasm on its naming which of course was a name common for both religions considering the child was borne of parents from different  religions . Then her enquiry turned to the divorce of a relative of mine and his apparent sad look  ...I wouldnt have blogged about this hadnt that this lady in her vast talk on these other peoples affairs hadnt touched the baby  .  And this "aunty" wasnt even a blood relation .

Fast backward a few years ....Another place , another time  .  Unfortunately the same couple in question .  They were just married a happy time not only for them but for us too  .  Another lady  again a aunty of reasonable maturity commented  " Now ... no problem ... (sarcastically )  .. But when a baby is born  "   . 

                                                                    I understand that in this world there are many people who are good .  But isnt it hightime that we realise that babies are born without religion .  Does it need great intelligence  ?  Even if some of the people are registered gossipmongers why cant they keep babies out of the  gossip  ... at least till one year  ? 

Now coming to interreligious marriage  ... take heart .. Inspite of honour killings happening in some parts of the world   at least in my circle  it is no longer news  .  Not only because i live in a large cosmopolitan family which has people married from many different religions even in many family friends nowadays interreligious marriage is not a great rarity like it once was .  Still attitudes die hard and gossipmongers never die  ....

I love writers especially female writers

It was few decades ago . I was a little boy and attended some function at Trivandrum . After the formal speeches which were as boring as ever suddenly a lady was on the stage . She was telling about some chicken in her family mansion and the entire speech was about these chicken and the feelings she had observing them etc etc . Initially i thought she was telling nonsense . Why was she talking about chicken in a function and that too her heartfelt emotions in this formal gathering . But minutes into the speech i was also looking at her in deep admiration for this was an adult talking about tender feelings of the heart and in a very beautiful way . That was the day i fell in love with writers --- she was none other than Kamala Das aka Madhavikutty aka kamala suraayya the great poet and writer in malayalam  . 

Years passed and though to be honest not a great bibliophile esp malayalam novels each time i cannot but admire this breed who not only are in touch for humannness through their writings but often is so human that their biographies or even real life interactions are always a great pleasure . 

Take the case of Gracy  whose biography called Kaveriyude Neru i am reading for the third time now .  Going through the pages i am shocked at what all she has written . Brutally honest this married woman and mother of a child has written everything albeit everything she felt be it  her loves , her relationship with husband , with relatives etc etc of course with the poetic language which is so natural to this breed  .  Though i havent read any of her novels except her biography she mentions how her life experiences moulded each novel which she later wrote  .  The practical man in me sometimes think how can she write these intimate details of her life knowing very well that not only her husband , family and even complete strangers like me reads about it  .  But  the "human being" in me is full of admiration for her as sincerely speaking what is there to hide  ??  Only thing is few people have the courage to do it and soceity has conditioned most to hide their true emotions . 

Then there is the famous poet RoseMary who is my real life friend .  I make it a point to visit her whenever possible when i am in trivandrum .  She i have met maybe 7-8 times in last two years . But from the first visit her interactions is without any facade and in all humility .  I was even more impressed after reading a book of her in which she narrated many real life incidents around her and her reactions to it  .  So true but thoughts which the average person tries to hide away in the "diplomatic curtain"  . Whenever i write about  materialism in my blogs i  think about the " nithikakkunna boothangal -- the ghosts who take care of the treasure "  in one of her real life memoirs .  I too get the same feeling when i see some people who chase money so much that they lose their human values and affection . 

Ah ... did i say i love only female writers .  At first i thought so  because my favourite writer in malayalam Poonathil Kunjabdulla has written more about his observations rather than emotional thoughts in his biography  . Typical unemotional male ??  Thinking back  it is me who has made the memory lapse ..if Gracys experiences were heart rendering , Poonathils experiences were heart breaking especially when he says about his mother   ...No wonder they become writers ...

Lastly the famous God of small things  ... Did she(Arundhati Roy )  invent all those things  or based at least partly on her observations  ?  Read .. Its a homework for  you  ..

So next time you hear about a writer have greater respect for these individuals not because they are famous  but they were truly the true human beings ---- a different breed  ...

the personality test

Few days back i wrote a book review http://drharoonhmarikar.blogspot.in/2012/12/book-review-personalities-in-love-by.html

a nice book by Donna Partow about personality types . Hope you would have already read it by now ... 

No  ???  Other than availability and the common reasons if you havent no need to worry . The answer maybe in your personality type .  As discussed in the book (originally by Hippocrates 2500 +yrs back )  there is 4 basic personality types and their combinations . 

But the people who are really into   personality typing is Myers -Briggs and Keirsey whose classification of people  into 16 different personality types is really interesting (details available on the internet )  . For the skeptics ya we are all unique  but if you have seriously observed around you , you must have seen the patterns .  The  type who is the life of the party who forgets your name afterward , the type who sticks around the fringes but  who becomes your lifelong close friend , the type who sits round the clock to finish the work assigned to him/her and so on  ...

Long ago i thought the extroversion-introversion axis itself was a simple thing  . The whole world wants extroversion while introversion is considered a negative trait  . But going deeper into this itself showed many interesting things  :  

Extroversion along with its obvious positive things is associated with an equal number of negative things  . To tell a random example imagine the apple falling on Isaac Newtons head . If he was a classic extrovert he would have showed off the apple to all , maybe even cooked up a small story about how he got it directly from australia  and then ate it along with his 25 friends .  Of course with his introversion and its associated persistent thoughtful nature he invented the Newtons laws  the fruits of which both extroverts and introverts are enjoying for centuries  .. 

I used to think there are only pure extroverts and pure introverts . But like in everything  its a simplistic approach . People have varying percentage of introversion and extroversion .  And to tell it flatly unless its really at the extremes both are good in their own way . Even Newton we want once in a while to attend a scientific conference facing 100 people and so on  ... 

And surprises galore ... Dont think that someone who always is in public limelight etc is an extrovert and one who spends 12 hrs in a lab is an introvert . Princess Diana is a self proclaimed INFP  where I stands for some degree of introversion .  Introversion classically implies that they need significant "me " time to recharge . Thats all . It doesnt mean that they are not social  .  Similarly extroverts primarily derive their energy from outside  . (  further details internet  extensive material is available)  

I described Extroversion /introversion because that is the only thing people know at least to "some " extent . But MBTI and Keirsey temperament sorter shows that there are iNtuitives , Sensing , Feelers , Judgers etc  .  

Now we should part ways ... depending on your personality some people if they are interested should check their  personality type using the good websites available humanmetrics is an example , and then can read the brief description of their character. This is the obvious shortcut . The long cut is reading extensively on the net itself about Keirsey and Myers Briggs the other types and how  it affects interpersonal interactions .  There is even a book on Amazon.com called Please Understand Me 2  which many people have found useful in understanding themselves and their relationships.  

Now i always knew i was good in teaching (though 90 percent of my students sleep  ....joking  ok  :)  )  and ok in writing (  though nobody has read my blog till its end  :)  )  and my reading of my personality type not only clearly tells me about it  and more importantly why it is so  ...

To the non -skeptics a word of caution .  Its definitely true that each one of us is unique  and personality tests and its application to career , friendship etc  is  only  part of   the whole thing . The point is dont read your personality type and try to limit yourself  but use  the positive insights in bringing some sense into the enigma of human personality  . In short dont take the tests and interpretation very seriously but as an interesting read  The original test itself costs $$  .. the humanmetrics one is at best an approximation  .

Anybody interested in my personality type ... I dont have a personality :)   Im Dr Evil :)  (movie : Austin Powers  )  

Three famous people

                                I  dont know whether it can be called a hobby but i have a hobby . Whenever i see a movie , read a book or hear about a famous person i read about their brief biography on the internet .
Its an interesting habit cos we learn a lot more about them as a human being which is not known in the public persona  .

All of us know about the hunchback of Notre Dame .. the fictional character created by one of the greatest french novelist Victor Hugo . Even greater is his novel Les Miserables which is one of my favourites  showing    the depth of human character .The greatness of  Les Miserables is the tender way in which the life and struggles of the working class is shown  .  And a brief glance on his personal life shows this attitude in his personal life too  .  Even his last will reflects this .

I leave 50 000 francs to the poor. I want to be buried in their hearse.

I refuse [funeral] orations of all churches. I beg a prayer to all souls.

I believe in God.

50000 francs 150 years ago was a very huge sum and he didnt need this philanthropic gesture to show off as he was so famous already that 2 million attended his funeral  .  Notable also is his philosophy which is even noted in the will .. Even at his last moments he was against organised religions double standards . But still he believed in God  .

Coming to Bengal  from France let us visit our  Dear Rabindranath Tagore ,  the first non western Nobel laureate from india (Gitanjali )  ,  author of our National anthem  and a great poet and indian freedom fighter . We know him really well ?  Did you know that this proud indian renounced his Knighthood conferred by the British crown ?  Because that was how he protested the Jallian walla Bagh massacre  .  And did we know that this great man was really lonely most of his life  ? who was "Vijaya" in his life ?

 “It is difficult for you to realise what an enormous burden of loneliness I carry about me...My market value has risen high and my personal value has been obscured. This value I seek to realise with an aching desire…This can be had only from a woman's love and I have been hoping for a long time that I deserve it.” (14 November 1924)

In  his own words through his letters . After death of his wife Mrinalini at an early age he was a widower till the age of 63  .  And this letter was written to Victoria Ocampo,34  the Argentinian lady whom he met , He named her "Vijaya " the bengali meaning for Victory  .  An unexpected sickness while in South America was the beginning of a beautiful close relationship at the twilight years of his life . (Google Rabindranath Tagore letters for more details )  .

The third famous person is a homework for you . Everyone knows the beautiful Princess D .. Yes Lady Diana who was equally famous in both her short life and death .  Did you know that she was a great philanthropist  ?  Do you know why she was unhappy even when she was almost the queen of England and had more than 17 million pounds in assets  ?  Read about her brief biography on the net and you will know the answer .

Tell me whether this hobby is interesting ... Before i finish  ... Yesterday only i knew that Benjamin spock the famous paediatrician who wrote Baby and Childcare was an olympic champion too  ... Nice to know isnt it that the guy who infuenced my parents(they still got that book  )   in bringing up me (this blogger )  was an olympic medalist .

The ten rupee note

                                                                             If i say the value of a ten Rupee note is highly variable you must be thinking what this person is talking about ..  Let me explain  ...

                                                                             In my travels i do make a point of tipping the person who shows me the room . Its customary  (though i dont like these customary things )  to tip because i often carry the luggage myself  but  i tip him 10 Rs because it  gives him joy and gives me joy  and i take this as a sort of small charity  considering this amount cumulatively could be as high as 30-50 percent of his salary  .  And of course in my minds eye a small pride(not in a bad sense )  also creeps in that i have done something significant  albeit in a small way  .

Yesterday i was chatting with a close friend of mine and she was telling of her late father  . During our talk the talk on charity came and she revealed that her dad used to regularly assist  in filling up  forms for beggars so that they get the small amounts due to them from government especially older beggars .  Being not a flamboyant man and having met this unassuming man many times over the last two decades i never knew he had this character in him  .  And the second part was even more heartwarming . I have never even thought it was possible .  When my friends daughter was at home she used to sometimes get a ten Rupee note as gift . Ten Rupee is not a great amount for most of us .  But this ten rupee was very special cos that was from a beggar who was showing his appreciation for what the childs grandfather has done .  And of course ten rupees for a beggar is not a trivial amount  .  This is why i told the value of a Ten Rupee note is highly variable .

PS  :  In charity and good deeds i believe  there is no competition . But whenever that small pride creeps in (its a message to myself too  )  that you are a good man or a charitable person always realise that there are others who are more selfless than you .
Again this shouldnt make you competitive but realise that you could do more if you wish depending on your personality  and also try to do proportionate charity depending on your income if you want to do more  .

movie review conviction

                                                        There are movies which entertain and movies which make you think . The movie Conviction (2010 released) belongs to the latter . The movie starts with a brutal murder scene . Unfortunately their neighbour a young man played by Sam Rockwell in the movie is the prime suspect . Not only is this guy always landing in trouble with the law with his small crimes like assault etc but this time he has two scratch marks on his face . As a suspect he is arrested and soon at least two other women including his ex-girlfriend became witnesses against him and the jury awarded him life imprisonment without parole .

Gone case except for one small ray of hope . He had a sister who was convinced her her brother would never do such a horrific mindless crime .  Married with a husband and two kids she did the impossible .  She worked part-time and studied and passed one of the toughest courses the professional degree in law . In that long drawn out process her unsupportive husband divorced her but she finished the course and using the then  newly invented DNA analysis in crime scene  and her law degree   got her brother out of the prison and life imprisonment .  It turned out her brother was wrongfully convicted of murder due to personal enmity by a police officer .

As i told this movie breaches the barrier between the make believe world of movies and reality. Because this is based on a true story and this happened in real life .
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3335684/.html

Interesting and isnt this what true love is all about  ?

massacre in united states

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/sympathy-over-us-school-shooting-stretches-globe/articleshow/17629305.cms

It has happened again and probably will again if drastic steps are not taken . First of all its very unfortunate and each word makes most of us sad .  The sheer number of victims , the shooter was a young man  and he killed his mother too all makes me wonder whats really going on ?

Such shooting incidents are in the news often these days mostly coming from the united states .  Like any problem the causes are complex. But there are a few obvious ones of course .

In most of these incidents guns have been used and whatever we say about the fundamental  right to have guns  and that too semi automatic guns  i think a stricter gun control is the need of the hour  . Most countries in the world have stricter gun control laws . Check wikipedia for ranking on gun numbers per 100 residents . World leader in it is United states is 88 per 100  residents  .  Now think  . For what  ?


If you think gun control alone will solve the problem i have my little thoughts about it too .  Switzerland has the ranking 4  in the number of guns per hundred residents : 45 per 100 residents . Pretty high number . Why is it that Swiss school students dont randomly kill fellow students and their mother  .  Is there some fundamental difference in US soceity which is different from  Swiss soceity  ?  After all mindless murders partly reflect the health of the soceity  .  What about india? What about Brazil which is notorious for violent crimes  .  But school shootings , killing parents and shooting themselves (suicide )pattern is less common even there .

The only country which has dropped not one but two atom bombs on civilians .(wikipedia )

The country which has sent armies to iraq , afghanistan and libya etc etc  .  (wikipedia )

With one of the highest divorce rates in the world  (one in two  )  .(wikipedia )

Maximum spend in military (wikipedia  )   which at least partly  the dollar if used can eradicate world poverty



                              There are justifications for all the above  but  young kids growing up in such soceities unlike adults think straight  . When they see violence justified by  arguments in their minds violence is the only thing that remains not the false arguments justifying the violence .  This topic is a much loaded one and i see only two solutions :  In the short term  :  strict gun control laws  . In the long term  :  a rethink of  the fundamental values of soceity and a non -hypocritical approach especially in showing the growing children by example rather than arguments  .

And i along with the whole world sincerely hope such incidents does not hopefully happen again

the ugly duckling

In childhood we have heard of the story of the ugly duckling . He was ugly compared to its siblings who were all ducklings . All his siblings and others used to make fun of it because it was not as pretty as its brothers . One fine day to everyones astonishment that ugly duckling developed into a beautiful swan much prettier than any of its duck siblings  . 

Whenever i see a newly graduate doctor just out of MBBS /BDS  i think about this story  .  Due to many reasons it takes a while for a new MBBS to take a postgraduation and become a doctor . In a way it is essential because compared to other professions this profession is dealing with life and death and a long study period is essential in the best interests of the soceity .  Most of the young doctors are prepared for a long study  also . But what they are not prepared is the hypocritic attitude of the soceity at that stage of their immediate post MBBS period . Instead of getting the respect they deserve in just passing out of a noble profession they are often commented as "just MBBS "  and " how many years more to go  in PG  etc  "  knowing fully well that these comments were not positive comments for a fresh graduate who has passed out of a course who they (the graduate ) feels is great both for them  and the soceity  . 

When i was going through this period i remember these comments and also how many used to compare the earning potential of a doctor in that period comparing with other professions . In that time a fresh graduate of MBBS used to get 5000 rs while in other professions starting salaries was double that amount  .  Hardly i heard about the true value of the profession and most of the people were busy comparing the salaries etc as if that was the only thing that mattered .

Fast forward a few years .  Earning a handsome salary in six figures  i still remember at least two episodes were the same people who were passing these comments and discouraging me came asking for amounts as small as a few hundred rupees as debt to me  .  Not only that most wanted my opinion on their pressing health needs and amazingly was so much looking upto me that i wondered if it were the same people who  called me the "ugly duckling "  . 

Why i am  writing this today because today over lunch a father was telling about his dentist  son who was still doing his dental course  .  He was  telling  that he was not earning money while his friends were employed in bank .  Of course salaries in bank is good but  nowhere does it compare to the income of a dentist especially these days a few years into the profession . And the vital point missed by the father ( a typical representative of the soceity )  is nobody thanks a banker with his heart  and the unique satisfaction in the helping professions is difficult to achieve in other professions .  How many times you say a heartfelt thanks to a cashier in the bank who dispenses money  ? 

Sometime back i had blogged about a Dr X  who used to be so corrupt and earned and still earns millions of rupees without any remorse  . (  Not me , of course  .. Im not a corrupt fellow )  . I am against him but  sometimes i think arent we ourselves as a soceity partly responsible for creating these Dr X s  who value money more than anything else . Isnt it true that some individuals who come out bright and young and seeing soceities unfair comparisons and moneymindedness becomes the ultimate moneyminded people who gives back to the soceity in the same coin  ...Point to ponder  ...

Luckily  like me , this dentist son has got an internal value system so he wont become a corrupt Doctor  . But  i am worried about the others . So next time when you see a fresh MBBS/BDS ask a medical question . Money questions and salary comparisons ask the banker

landing...engineering marvel

                                                   Last time they put me on the window seat near the front of the aircraft i looked out the window and blogged about the little girl whom i knew in childhood(earlier blog) .This time they gave me a seat behind the wing and in a smaller aircraft as it was a short flight .  Not sleepy and having finished all my reading books i had two choices : gaze at the airhostesses  (  forbidden by indian law :)  )  or  gaze at the wing  of the aircraft and the landing gear  .

It is really amazing to see  the  tyres of the aircaft which are  really  quite small compared to the huge size of the aircraft going  round and round  and  when the speed reaches around 180-200 kilometresper hour  (thats pretty fast  )  losing contact  with the ground  and after a few minutes  getting retracted inside the wing of the aircraft. Probably to reduce the air resistance as once taken off there is no need for wheels in the sky  .

Landing is equally or more amazing in that  a few minutes before landing there is a sound and thats when the landing gear (wheels plus the hydraulic system attached to it )  comes out of the wing again .  Suddenly there is a cloud of dust when the wheels which are non spinning in the air touches the ground . In a few seconds the entire weight of the aircraft (around 23000 kgs for boeing lesser for smaller aircraft ) gets applied to these small wheels but majority of the impact is absorbed by the landing gear attached . Thats not the end of it  . These puny tyres have to withstand the tremendous forces of deceleration from 200 +kmph  to 0  kmph  Pretty impressive  ( this is where words fall short of the actual experience )  .

I think anyone with the slightest interest in technology or even otherwise should fly at least once in a lifetime (101 things to do  ... my earlier blog )  .

And now coming to the airhostess ... (sorry thats a forbidden topic :)  i forgot   )

empathy

You like falooda ?  I do  . Now imagine while you are visiting a house you are offered falooda . Like me you will be very happy . Now imagine in the same house a diabetic visits whose sugar values are very high . He offered him falooda and next day the diabetic landed in hospital with diabetic coma . Unfortunate  and could have been avoided .  How ? Ask him what he wants instead of giving him  what "you " like .   Of course you may tell me i like him so much  thats why I offered him "my " favourite food .

And though a foodie hopefully you must be knowing where i am heading at  . Its a thing called "empathy " .
Empathy is the capacity to recognize feelings that are being experienced by another human being . Just like each human beings needs and wants are unique one mans medicine is another mans poison .  In our day to day interactions frankly how many times we empathize with other persons?  The capacity to empathise  is variable between individuals but isnt it a quality which we should all cultivate to some degree  ?

I have observed on numerous incidents around that most of the significant problems between people is due to lack of empathy .  At least for some people this lack of empathy is a conscious thing  -- they are too selfish about themselves that they consciously dont empathise with others or their feelings  .  But at least some i have observed that they dont know what impact their behaviour is having on other people .  Its here that cultivating a little empathy will go a long way towards making a closer relationship with others .  And those who are in close relationships know very well that  its this empathy factor and trust that is the basis of real close relationships be it wife , friend , lover , parent etc etc .

Going further let me narrate a small story : There was a little boy who wanted to buy a puppy . He went to the person who sells puppies and to his amazement took out a limping puppy among a litter of 7 puppies . The curious pet owner told him why you are taking this limping lame puppy which cannot even run and play with you  .  The boy smiled and showed his leg with the scar  where a surgeon has put a rod inside his leg for an old fracture . He replied " I understand his pain because i am also  like that  "  and took the lame puppy .

You dont have to be lame to feel for the lame puppy but a little thoughtfulness will help understand others .
Especially in close friendships the intimacy level increases when the person feels that the other person is understanding him instead of imposing his value system on him/her .

And to the reader (if he had the patience to read so far  )  i have a question :  what can you do to a relationship in which someone feeds falooda consciously  each time inspite of  the person telling many times that he is a severe diabetic  ?? You must be knowing the type who doesnt listen to you properly and tells insensitive comments in addition .. Is it great love / ignorance or plain arrogance ?  And what if that relationship is with someone  which cant be severed ?

Till my next blog try to be more empathetic and see the results (of course making sure some people dont misuse your greater empathy  ) . And please answer this vethaals above question  (he asks questions to vikramaditya in indian mythology)

book review : personalities in love by Donna Partow

Let me start with a wild example . There was a hunter who saw a  harmless looking animal . He took aim at the first one a deer and shot it and injured it  . Poor thing it fled away from him with the injury .  After sometime he saw another harmless looking animal a wild pig  . He took aim and shot it and injured it (he was a bad shot as ever )  . This time this harmless animal instead of running away attacked him so viciously that he was hospitalised for two months  .

Ok this book is not about wild pigs and deer .  But personalities in love is a book about human personalities specifically the 4 main types of personalities in people we interact with  .  Even if you dont agree with theory of personality and claim that each one of us is unique  it  is true  that  people can be broadly be classified into how they deal with the world --- introvert and extrovert being the classic example  .This book is based on principle that humans are mainly four broad different categories . She calls it the Popular , the Powerful , the Perfect and the Peaceful . She herself tells that this classification was not  made by her but 2000+ years back   by the great physician Hippocrates father of modern medicine . He used different terms like Sanguine, Phlegmatic etc for the same  but the core idea is the same  . A casual observation around you whether in personal relationship or work life will show these 4 types in action . Sanguines or Popular  is the type  who is the classic life of the party the fun loving types  who attract people with their story telling  .  Powerful is the type who  are seen controlling other people . Perfect is the perfectionistic types whose whole life is  around perfectionism and orderliness . Peaceful is the type who literally lives for others  .  Each personality has its strengths and weaknesses  and is illustrated in this book with numerous examples especially since she is a motivational speaker who has toured 6 continents  .

What makes this book more interesting is that the author  reveals her character also with all its strengths and weaknesses in this book .  The book may help the reader in understanding the people in their life and what motivates them . (so that you can supply the carrots which each personality likes :  if you know what i mean  )  .  Ideally this may help in dealing with the sanguines who like to talk and talk about themselves and who craves approval  ,  the powerful control freaks who wants unquestioning obedience from others , the perfectionistic people who are wants perfection from all and the peaceful who though a great personality will faintly acknowledge when someone tells they have climbed Mount Everest  .  (in short too little enthusiasm ).
She tells that always focus on the positives of each personality type and she being a devout christian repeatedly says about prayer as a solution  .  But whether prayers will change or help deal with control freaks and incessant talkers is a different matter but  if you believe knowledge is power :  this book is definitely a good book  ( i give it a score of 8/10  )  . And now hopefully you understood why i told about the deer and the wild pig  ? 

And a little secret  :  :)  this is  a book written for women in understanding their husbands and just like the malayalam magazine vanitha(a womens magazine )   is sneakily read by the men in the house i too wanted to know what these women are upto in learning about mens personalities  ... :)  but instead found a real gem in personality profiles of both men and women in different realms be it career , love or in other relationships ..
  .  

The girl who was dear to God

                                                                       Today morning i was looking out the window . Looking out the airplane window always flashes a myriad of thoughts . First always the obvious the beautiful scenery below the contrasting beauty of nature in the form of vast sea (chennai/mumbai airports are near the sea )  and the man made beauty of human civilization .  Then thoughts go to the engineering marvel in which i travel the airplane weighing a full 23 tonnes or more which is kept up sheerly by the laws of physics in thin air .

                                                                              But today was different .  After a few minutes enjoying these sights and the thoughts my mind drifted to the little girl whom we used to visit while we were children .  Slighly younger than me in age she was similar to me and my sister in so many ways  . In fact  a distant  relative she was similar in the way she was brought up, somewhat similar family background , good at studies  etc etc . Yet she was so different  .  She was the only  one  who was served a  death warrant at the threshold of her teenage  . She had  cancer  --a type of blood cancer  to be precise  and she never completed her teenage .
                                                                                   
                                                                                     Looking out the window  i  was thinking about my life with all its positive things  which  most of us  including myself take for granted  .  And i was thinking  what all this  distant little sister of mine had missed .  She  never saw the teenage years  with all its joys and sorrows  ,  the college life , the  first job etc etc  ....More than that i was thinking whether i am adequately thankful for all the things i have in life which i take for granted .  And i always  compare myself to this distant little sister who never had a choice but to leave life before enjoying whatever life had to offer .

Why i remember her face specifically was because whenever we visited her she was as serene as ever a person could be and greeted us cheerfully . It was not an artificial smile but a smile borne out of inner peace . I didnt realise it then but thinking back i think it is a paradox that she had that smile which is rarely found these days even among people who have everything that money could buy .  A very pious girl she was too and is one of the handful of people i admire now who has taken religion in its true sense to uplift the soul .

And like some truly religious say  : probably she was more dear to God than she was for us  : she went early to her maker .

Coming back to the 10000 feet  and the  airplane window and my thoughts i was in i think the message for me and all of us is to cherish each day gifted to us and if possible try to give back in the form of at least small things like a hearty smile or kind words to people you come across . In that way maybe the mission my distant little sister had in her short life to make people like me think would be accomplished .
Dedicating this blog to her who is known to everyone in my moms family  ......