Have you ever thought why some people are happy inspite of all odds against them and also how they get up and move on against all odds . While some people inspite of having everything are unhappy . There are many reasons for this paradox but one thing is sense of self worth .
Though as humans we all derive our self worth from external and internal means i feel the internal self worth which is independant of external influences is more important in keeping anyone happy .
Two scenarios .... What is your typical visualisation of am unemployed person and his mental state ?. One who is dejected , has no self worth etc etc ... probably even has a bottle of alcohol to wash away his "loser " attitude at least for a night . Of course a job and a career gives a sense of self worth especially nowadays when people identify themselves more with their job than themselves as human beings . Even in day to day conversations " What are you doing ? " is more about assessing and judging a person than the cursory conversation filler . I have seen many unemployed people over the years some of them highly educated . But paradoxically many of them were happier than the ones who were in the rat race . Not that they werent productive . They had their own ways of contributing to their family , soceity and was even very much loved in their circles . Observing them i found that the key to their self worth was focussing on relationships and being less ambitious and being in the here and now ... all three things which they could do because they didnt have a career . Some of them were out of job for 20 + years ( i know at least 6 of them ) .
Now being the devils advocate :) (myself ) i am not suggesting that you dont work from tomorrow ... But the point i am driving at is career or no career try to derive your self worth by being a nice and loving human being . This is not utopian thinking either considering the agony columns filled by people who have great careers but who are chronically unhappy and have no time to live life .
Scenario number 2 : Why are some people happy even though there are very few people to endorse them .. i mean saying you look good , you are great etc .. And they still is happy even though faced with adverse people who criticise them just because of jealousy etc . Here too i feel people differ greatly in their internal sense of selfworth . For people who are less dependant on other people for getting a self assessment happiness is more easy because you have only yourself to please . Some years back there was a period when i was visiting a lot of houses in a small period and at many places they were commenting that i looked terribly emaciated . Paradoxically the same day other houses i was told i had grown fat with a facial expression as if i was a fat ox or something ... Always knowing the malayali tendency of putting down people by negative comments ( not all people ) this time i checked my weight again the next day . As an obsessive weightwatcher i was surprised that the weight hadnt changed even by a half kilo and it was stable for months .... Now if i was arriving my self worth by their comments is should have been dejected by my appearance but this time i was prepared .. Even if you get second rank in the state if you go by other peoples jealous comments there is lots of reason to be unhappy . But if you look internally there is always your best friend around ... that is yourself ...
Think about it and tell me your comments ...
Though as humans we all derive our self worth from external and internal means i feel the internal self worth which is independant of external influences is more important in keeping anyone happy .
Two scenarios .... What is your typical visualisation of am unemployed person and his mental state ?. One who is dejected , has no self worth etc etc ... probably even has a bottle of alcohol to wash away his "loser " attitude at least for a night . Of course a job and a career gives a sense of self worth especially nowadays when people identify themselves more with their job than themselves as human beings . Even in day to day conversations " What are you doing ? " is more about assessing and judging a person than the cursory conversation filler . I have seen many unemployed people over the years some of them highly educated . But paradoxically many of them were happier than the ones who were in the rat race . Not that they werent productive . They had their own ways of contributing to their family , soceity and was even very much loved in their circles . Observing them i found that the key to their self worth was focussing on relationships and being less ambitious and being in the here and now ... all three things which they could do because they didnt have a career . Some of them were out of job for 20 + years ( i know at least 6 of them ) .
Now being the devils advocate :) (myself ) i am not suggesting that you dont work from tomorrow ... But the point i am driving at is career or no career try to derive your self worth by being a nice and loving human being . This is not utopian thinking either considering the agony columns filled by people who have great careers but who are chronically unhappy and have no time to live life .
Scenario number 2 : Why are some people happy even though there are very few people to endorse them .. i mean saying you look good , you are great etc .. And they still is happy even though faced with adverse people who criticise them just because of jealousy etc . Here too i feel people differ greatly in their internal sense of selfworth . For people who are less dependant on other people for getting a self assessment happiness is more easy because you have only yourself to please . Some years back there was a period when i was visiting a lot of houses in a small period and at many places they were commenting that i looked terribly emaciated . Paradoxically the same day other houses i was told i had grown fat with a facial expression as if i was a fat ox or something ... Always knowing the malayali tendency of putting down people by negative comments ( not all people ) this time i checked my weight again the next day . As an obsessive weightwatcher i was surprised that the weight hadnt changed even by a half kilo and it was stable for months .... Now if i was arriving my self worth by their comments is should have been dejected by my appearance but this time i was prepared .. Even if you get second rank in the state if you go by other peoples jealous comments there is lots of reason to be unhappy . But if you look internally there is always your best friend around ... that is yourself ...
Think about it and tell me your comments ...
i have same experience of weight from my relatives and friends , whenever i returns to Kerla.That is because people want to say something.So somebody will say fatty,others will say thin.
ReplyDeleteThat last sentence speaks volumes..
ReplyDelete@ antony ... i think its indian culture . I only hoped these dialogues were positive like u r looking good
ReplyDelete