romance and some little thoughts

People are divided when they think about love especially romantic love . Majority romanticise love and see the movies and dream about romance and when it comes to reality takes cold calculated decisions which are practical . Then there is the minority for whom the romance is translated into reality too because they are at heart the true romantics who knows the dreaminess of romance with its positives and negatives but still take the plunge cos thats the only thing they are made of  .

If  you say that this discussion of puppy love is only for puppies read the biographies of many famous people .  I have blogged on them earlier . Rabindranath Tagore had his romance in his 60s with  a lady crossing the seven seas ( she was from Argentina )  . There was the king of england who preferred losing his kingdom because he decided to marry a divorcee a commoner from the US  . And even the notorious cold hearted Adolf Hitler who had one companion to follow him in his death too Eva Brown .  (refer wikipedia).

I was never against marriage but was always against loveless marriages . Because the greatest thing on earth is a great relationship and economics and social values should never be the basis of a great relationship  . And the romantic i am never ceases to dream whenever i see or hear about great romances and romantic relationships.  Not because i am in love even for so many years whenever i see romantic movies ( malayalam movies of the 80s )  i used to dream and vowed that if i get married it would be only to  a girl like Karthika or shaari ( Movies Nammukku parkaan munthiri thoppukal , gandhi nagar second street etc  )  .  Yes the girl who can vibe with you , is full of emotion , and of the indian colour neither too fair nor too dark and yes with sandal paste on her forehead .

And yes even when i see programs in discovery channel like taboo where unusual relationships are showcased i see the romantic part in them rather than what the bulk of the judgemental soceity sees . For its not easy not to stare and pass a comment when a six foot handsome man marries a 3 foot dwarf who is physically challenged too . And last weeks newspaper article of the bedridden man who got married to the girl who was nursing him for 16 years .  And if at all we think the girl was after his money , only a romantic can read further and see that after marriage she was earning for their livelihood by doing odd jobs .

Lastly the foodie in me while having my delicious breakfast in hotel was looking at people and saw an elderly couple where the man was serving his wife food from the buffet table before serving himself .  Like in everything this romantic was staring at them with dreamy eyes . Is it because i am in love or is it because i was always a romantic  . I was always like this ... A hopeless romantic in the ranks of Tagore , the King of England and Hitler...

Afterword : This is not a go ahead for you to indulge in a romantic relationship . It has its positives and negatives .  Romance is like driving a lamborgini car . Many people drive it  with their eyes closed with obvious results . The trick is to drive it with your eyes open and still if you crash its still worth it because theres nothing like driving a lamborghini on open road .  And yes its not for everyone ..So pls dont tell my name to your dad or mom that i recommended romance :)  

the good , the neutral and the ugly ... relatives

Foreword :  I am happy with most of my relatives  .  This blog is not about the vast majority of them especially when i have found them exceeding my expectations in love and even non judgemental nature  .  This blog is dedicated to my close friend who taught me how bad relatives can be and also many others who told from their experience that blood is not always thicker than water  ..

Inspite of going nuclear at least in india many of us have close ties with the extended family  .  Having lived for a few years in joint family and also nuclear family and also having stayed with close relatives i  know very well the joys of relatives  .  And some of them have treated me like their son (its a great feeling  )  .  When i went to mumbai i saw other families at close quarters and realised that in many families certain individuals are  really unselfish in that they are so loving that  they treat their kin (brothers cousins nephews etc )  so well that we doubt where is the "nuclearisation " of the 21 st century  .   I would classify these wonderful human beings as the good relatives  . Just like the wildbuffalo herd in animal planet  ( pls bear with my animal planet examples )  whatever the external stresses  these individuals make sure that the family feels secure from all threats  .

Maybe the increasing privacy of 21st century or the materialism if we classify relatives of most people (i am making a wild guess here  )  the majority of relatives are neither good nor ugly  . They are neutral   .  Neutral in the sense that they are there friendly and for an occasional visit but are really "not there " for you when you are in real need  . I have no complaints in that  because as humans we cannot gel with every soul we come across  especially when materialism and competition makes "I  " more important than "We "  .  Only  thing is it would be wise if we realise  who are our neutral relatives  so that they are neither overtaxed or underutilised  in your matters .  Whenever you feel a need for deep emotional love and bonding or feel like giving deep emotional love  it would be wise if you go to the good category than the neutral category of relatives  .

Lastly the ugly  category of relatives . Its also a minority  luckily  . But it is very important  that such category is identified and dealt with accordingly  .  All families do have such individuals  .  But  if you are not careful in assessing your relatives this minority category has a habit of making you very pessimistic about blood relations  .  Its not rocket science to recognise them  . They look just like everyone . But whenever a rumour is spread about you if you take a little time in checking the source often it points to these individuals  .  Its not surprising that the same individuals are implicated in rumour spreading not only about you but many others in the family  .  This is one category of the ugly ones  : hyaena of animal planet comes into my mind  .

There is also a category of these ugly relatives who behave exactly like the hyaena  . Hyaenas attack only when you are weak  . They are ok and friendly with you even extra friendly when your going is good . but whenever you have a problem be it economic ,healthwise etc etc  they attack you  and feel happy at the extra misery they impart by their verbal insults (sugar coated often  )  .

Having lived in this world long enough  ( ya  i am a very old man  :)  )  over the years i am yet to find a bad person  .   Seriously  according to me the so called bad persons are the ones who have above average selfishness in them  .  And when you have above average selfishness ist not surprising that you find joy in other peoples suffering  .  And the vast majority of individuals have average degree of selfishness thereby they are neutral about others because they have themselves to think about  .  And the good relatives are the ones who are least selfish  and who are resposible for the phrase "blood is thicker than water "

So  once again thanking most members of my extended family  who  belong to the good category  and my empathies to the close friend who have more hyaenas than can be handled  ....  ( its difficult to handle a pack of hyaenas .... see animal planet you will understand  )  ...

self worth some little thoughts

Have you ever thought why some people are happy inspite of all odds against them and also how they get up and move on against all odds . While some people inspite of having everything are unhappy . There are many reasons for this paradox but one thing is sense of self worth  .

Though as humans we all derive our self worth from external and internal means i feel the internal self worth which is independant of external influences is more important in keeping anyone happy  .

Two scenarios  .... What is your typical visualisation of am unemployed person and his mental state ?. One who is dejected , has no self worth etc etc  ... probably even has a bottle of alcohol to wash away his "loser " attitude at least for a night   . Of course a job and a career    gives a sense of self worth especially nowadays when people identify themselves more  with their job than themselves as human beings  .  Even in day to day conversations "  What are you doing  ?  "  is more about assessing and judging a person than the cursory conversation filler  .  I have seen many unemployed people over the years some of them highly educated . But paradoxically many of them were happier than the ones who were in the rat race .  Not that they werent productive . They  had their own ways of contributing to their family , soceity  and was even very much loved  in their circles  .  Observing them i found that the key to their self worth was focussing on relationships and being less ambitious and being in the here and now  ... all three things which they could do because they didnt  have a career .  Some of them were out of job for 20 + years ( i know at least 6 of them  )   .

Now being the devils advocate :)  (myself )   i am not suggesting that you dont work from tomorrow  ... But the point i am driving at  is career or no career  try to derive your self worth by being a nice and loving human being . This is not utopian thinking either considering the agony columns filled by  people who have great careers but who are chronically unhappy and have no time to live life  .

Scenario number 2   :  Why are some people happy even though there are very few people to endorse them .. i mean saying you look good , you are great etc  .. And they still is happy even though faced with adverse people who criticise them just because of jealousy etc  .  Here too i feel people differ greatly in their internal sense of selfworth . For people who are less dependant on other people for getting a self assessment happiness is more easy  because you have only yourself to please . Some years back there was a period when i was visiting a lot of houses in a small period and at many places they were commenting that i looked terribly emaciated  . Paradoxically the same day other houses i was told i had grown fat  with a facial expression as if i was a fat ox or something  ...  Always knowing the malayali tendency of putting down people by negative comments  ( not all people )  this time i checked my weight again the next day  . As  an obsessive weightwatcher i was surprised that  the weight hadnt changed even by a half kilo and it was stable for months  .... Now  if i was arriving my self worth by their comments is should have been dejected by my appearance but this time i was prepared ..  Even if you get second rank in the state if you  go by other peoples jealous comments there is lots of reason to be unhappy  .  But  if you look internally  there is always your best friend around ... that is yourself   ...

Think about it and tell me your comments  ... 

Gods own country and not so godly things

Having travelled to many places if you ask me which is the place i love the most it is kerala .  Blessed with natures beauty  and being a nature lover i love the place be it the lush beaches of kovalam  , the hills of munnar or the backwaters of alleppey  .

But if you ask me the people whom i love the most i would not say the people of kerala .  Dont get me wrong i love my relatives , my teachers and my friends here and i too am a keralite  but  to put it in a few words i hate kerala society  .  There are numerous examples to highlight why i feel so  but the latest example is the public humiliation and voyeuristic attitude of the media towards my classmate Dr . Yamini  .
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-04-03/kochi/38247458_1_nonbailable-offence-complaint-intimidation

These things including wife abuse happens everywhere in the world but what makes kerala unique is the great public interest  in other peoples affairs by general public  .  Newpapers and tv flooded by  speculations and discussions of a topic which is between a husband and wife  ( She unfortunately is married to a minister  )  which should have been handled sensitively was blown out of proportion by the media  and lapped up by  a section of kerala soceity who is voyeuristic more than any other soceity  .

Right from the morning newspaper in the regional language which is disproportionately filled with gossip news (  i have compared this with mumbai newpapers and kuwaiti newspapers )  i often doubt whether the media  create the sick kerala mind or vice versa  .  As i have blogged earlier  at least once a week kerala is rocked by sex scandals  in which numerous people are implicated .  And we should remember that kerala is known for  great morality  because till recent times a boy and a girl  going out together was itself a cause for scandal .
                                                             A few months back i was travelling in Punjab and in the bus i met a Sikh .  I wanted to ask him about the great punjabi extra large alcohol consumption (they have 90 ml measure instead of 60 ml just like their large lassi  )  .  But instead the well read man told me .. brother  your state people leads in percapita consumption of alcohol  .  Having state controlled alcohol trade as keralites dont want to publicly acknowledge this vice i was thinking how this is true . Then i remembered the long queues in front  of the state owned liquor shops where people compensate by drinking more  .  In mumbai and more civilised parts i have seen liquor served in many decent restaurants and people consume it in moderation  .

Lastly whenever i travel back to kerala after my out of kerala travels almost always i witness a fight often verbal  over simple trivial things  .  Not that these dont occur at other places but here petty fights by well educated people is so frequent  that i find the contrast stark when i travel back every week from other states .
Now all my facebook friends dont think that this is about them for a well travelled or well exposed malayali is a great individual who has liberal views .  But if you are well educated but still narrow minded it would be good if you stay out of other peoples homes ... because  often your home itself is on fire   ....

Like a keralite anecdote  "  It is fun  to watch when someone elses mother  goes crazy   "   . Remember  your turn will come too   ......