Happily married couples pls ignore this blog .. or read my travel to vienna or sushi in mumbai or any other things ..
Have you gone mountain climbing ? For adventure junkies it is the ultimate thrill . But the fact remains that it is not the safest of sport especially if you dont play by the rules or is careless . Now do you have to climb a mountain to know the safety aspects of mountain climbing ? Generally yes for experience is the greatest teacher but if you are a good observer especially if you have been observing numerous climbs from a helicopter you get some idea of the obvious good ways and bad ways and pathetic ways of mountain climbing .
Correct me if i am wrong a good marriage is great especially if its driven by real romance and affection .Now i am not going to the details as many of my married friends ,relatives etc are the experts in this . But , like a guy from the helicopter , these days i find one safety aspect which is being ignored in some marriages . Years down the line when that marriage breaks down everyone is shocked but its not shocking at all as one simple safety aspect is ignored .
Its "criticism " . Come on , what is this ignorant bachelor foolish fellow , telling the obvious . Afterall doesnt he know that criticism is part and parcel of any marriage good and bad . Is he comparing marriage to the teenage glossy romance? I am not backing out ... however .
I know that criticism , fights are all part and parcel of marriages . But the criticism i am talking about is the blatant criticism in front of other people . As human beings fundamentally no one likes blatant criticism . And the golden rule of criticism which is healthy and unhealthy is dont do it in front of others . You must have observed some couples who keep on picking at their mate in front of other people . It may be even in the form of jokes . But as human beings though many people are intensely humourous , when the object of humour is you , few people enjoy it . And as a couple in 24 hours there is enough private space to criticise or even make funny jokes . Maybe it will even increase intimacy . But public criticism in the long run , i think , will have grave consequences for the happy marriage .
Now even after all this some skeptics say hey bachelor where is the proof of the poor prognosis of your predictions ? I have not done a statistical study but at least in 4-5 cases of marriage breakdowns i have witnessed the key factor i have observed is the husband /wife (usually one of them ) always criticizing the other partner in front of others .Sooner or later the object of criticism who is "supposedly stupid /dumb" acted smart out of necessity and opted out of the marriage and in some cases found a better partner who found him/her not stupid . And the criticizer is left with no spouse to criticize .
I have also observed and heard people telling me how much they are bothered by the spouses criticism . Being "oversmart " these criticizing counterpart will not listen to advice from anybody and that too from a non-mountain climber ( I am in the helicopter as i have told earlier ) . My sincere hope is if at all they find the cracks of marital strain is showing one of the first things they got to check is whether they are criticizing their spouse in front of others ...
haroonkerala@gmail.com i am awaiting some comments /criticism
Have you gone mountain climbing ? For adventure junkies it is the ultimate thrill . But the fact remains that it is not the safest of sport especially if you dont play by the rules or is careless . Now do you have to climb a mountain to know the safety aspects of mountain climbing ? Generally yes for experience is the greatest teacher but if you are a good observer especially if you have been observing numerous climbs from a helicopter you get some idea of the obvious good ways and bad ways and pathetic ways of mountain climbing .
Correct me if i am wrong a good marriage is great especially if its driven by real romance and affection .Now i am not going to the details as many of my married friends ,relatives etc are the experts in this . But , like a guy from the helicopter , these days i find one safety aspect which is being ignored in some marriages . Years down the line when that marriage breaks down everyone is shocked but its not shocking at all as one simple safety aspect is ignored .
Its "criticism " . Come on , what is this ignorant bachelor foolish fellow , telling the obvious . Afterall doesnt he know that criticism is part and parcel of any marriage good and bad . Is he comparing marriage to the teenage glossy romance? I am not backing out ... however .
I know that criticism , fights are all part and parcel of marriages . But the criticism i am talking about is the blatant criticism in front of other people . As human beings fundamentally no one likes blatant criticism . And the golden rule of criticism which is healthy and unhealthy is dont do it in front of others . You must have observed some couples who keep on picking at their mate in front of other people . It may be even in the form of jokes . But as human beings though many people are intensely humourous , when the object of humour is you , few people enjoy it . And as a couple in 24 hours there is enough private space to criticise or even make funny jokes . Maybe it will even increase intimacy . But public criticism in the long run , i think , will have grave consequences for the happy marriage .
Now even after all this some skeptics say hey bachelor where is the proof of the poor prognosis of your predictions ? I have not done a statistical study but at least in 4-5 cases of marriage breakdowns i have witnessed the key factor i have observed is the husband /wife (usually one of them ) always criticizing the other partner in front of others .Sooner or later the object of criticism who is "supposedly stupid /dumb" acted smart out of necessity and opted out of the marriage and in some cases found a better partner who found him/her not stupid . And the criticizer is left with no spouse to criticize .
I have also observed and heard people telling me how much they are bothered by the spouses criticism . Being "oversmart " these criticizing counterpart will not listen to advice from anybody and that too from a non-mountain climber ( I am in the helicopter as i have told earlier ) . My sincere hope is if at all they find the cracks of marital strain is showing one of the first things they got to check is whether they are criticizing their spouse in front of others ...
haroonkerala@gmail.com i am awaiting some comments /criticism
the view from the helicopter is pretty accurate I must say!!!
ReplyDeletethanks for the comment and validation. now only if they listened ...
ReplyDeleteDoc, I would agree with you partly. Because it is one of the factor not the only factor... Mutual needs met or not is more important for the relationship to survive...
ReplyDeletedefinitely its one of the factors only . To know all the factors require many pages ..maybe a ph.d topic :)
ReplyDelete