unconditional love

Today at around 8 pm i whizzed past in my bike in my neighbourhood . Trivandrum gets quieter compared to many cities and hardly anyone was on the road as pedestrians . Suddenly in the cement bench near the road i saw two people sitting with hand around the shoulder . I reduced my speed and looked . And i was very happy with what i saw . It was a mother and her grown up son (around 25 years ) who was mentally challenged .
Every day evening i used to see her taking this son of hers for a walk . This time they were sitting on the roadside . I was happy not only because the mother still loved her son inspite of his problem . And to add laurels to that she was the least bothered to show that affection in public . 
                                                                     It is said that the greatest love on earth is that of a mother . Eventhough even that love can get conditional in the case of humans , there are ample examples of cases where mothers put in even their  life for their child if the need arises . And watching animal planet shows that inspite of the wild and cruel nature of wild animals when it comes to motherhood even the ferocious lion acts like a big kitten.  The way it holds the lion cub in its jaws without even a scratch makes me wonder about the maternal instinct . The same jaws are used to tear apart flesh of wild buffalo .
                                                                            Coming back to my neighbour  ,  her son doesnt have a job , is mentally challenged , cannot even go to the grocery store to buy milk inspite of him being grown up . And showing her love publicly is not going to get her anything . I find this as an example of unconditional love and a glowing example  of  the essence of humanity  . 

Last but not the least ... controversial territory ... for a moment think whether your mom loves you unconditionally  .  Maybe it sounds blasphemous but its  a fact of life that in present world every  mothers love  is not unconditional  .Study  after study has proved that happiness is correlated by the quality of loving relationships you have  . And the above self-check of unconditional love  will help us to be thankful of the greatest gift on earth and if the self -check gave some surprise results .. Dont worry  .... There are so many people on this earth who have never seen their mothers . And you are luckier than them ...

i hate japanese tea ......and too much small talk

                                         Dont mistake me i love japanese food especially their sushi .  But at least twice i have tasted japanese tea and found it not at all to my taste .  The worst part is i heard there is an elaborate tea ceremony before serving this .  For those used to my blogs you may know where i am heading . Here it goes  ....
                  Today i was reading up on the topic of "small talk " . Yes the same small talk "How is the weather " kind of stuff .  According to wikipedia small talk serves a purpose in human society as humans find it difficult to tolerate long silences (when someone is around )  .  Also this small talk serves as a neutral ground when you get to know a new person . No one likes to be asked about his finances or girlfriends whereabouts by a new aquaintance . But like japanese tea ceremony small talk can be misused and seen increasingly misused these days . 

Scenario 1 .....  A person you know for many years starts with greeting you .  Then over the course of 2-3 minutes asks about the weather , then about another random topic and then another  and after all this asks for a favour which is totally unreasonable and from which only the small talker benefits  . 

Scenario 2 ....A person you know for decades starts asking about the weather .  Then over the course of 15 minutes talks about random topics and in the end stops the conversation at the small talk level . This cycle goes on each time they meet  . 

                                            To take our japanese tea ceremony as an example i feel both these are a waste of time . In Scenario 1 :  after the elaborate small talk ceremony you are served the tasteless tea .And in Scenario 2 : after the elaborate tea ceremony .....No tea is served  . 

                                                                     I think many of you must have had the Scenario 1 experience from some people . Nowadays i dont have problem with that as i politely tell them " Cut the small talk ...weather is still the same ... what favour you want from me ?  " 

And to Scenario 2 ... i still have no answer ....though it happens from very few persons .
                                                                           Fortunately most of my friends and most of my relatives dont belong to the Scenarios 1 and 2 . Even many of the new aquaintances start cutting the small talk level sooner as they find me fairly transparent in my dealings with them .  And the same goes for many of my cousins who share information about themselves much more than they even do to their parents  ..(my uncles and aunts if  you  may be reading this if they are in facebook dont ask i wont tell  ) .
                                                            Considering that the majority of people who surround me dont believe in too much small talk  ...i think i can continue hating too much small talk especially from seemingly "close /intimate " people .  And for japanese tea ..... unceremoniously i will drink indian/srilankan tea (both are too good )

Daulatabad fort ---Aurangabad

India never ceases to amaze me . Recently on a trip to aurangabad i visited ellora caves about which i have blogged two days back . I was awestruck by Ellora .
                                 But if i thought Ajanta and Ellora was the end of the wonders of Aurangabad , i am totally wrong . That came in the form of Daulatabad Fort . Having seen the largest fort in india in Rajasthan , the Chittor fort , i told my driver --- Ok since its part of my itinery take me there i will come back after seeing it in 10 minutes . I took four hours just seeing half of it . 
                                                                       Daulatabad fort is a large fort set atop a hill and surrounded by a valley surrounded by at least ten hills . It is a fort almost 900 years old and was ruled by many kingdoms including Mughals . Daulat the word meaning means wealth shows that this fort was very rich in its active days . The fort had so many defences that it could never be conquered by direct attack in all its time . The strategic position atop a huge hill and surrounded by so many hills gave a great vantage point . And this vantage point was not just for looking . Just on entry into the fort you are greeted by at least a dozen cannons --- for a minute you feel you have come for a cannon exhibition . Cannons made of bronze , cannons of calibre larger than a human torso ( in olden days there was even a punishment of putting criminal in place of cannon ball )  , cannons shaped like modern howitzers is all arranged in the courtyard . Then there is the usual door of the fort , massive is an understatement . Then the walk begins . The entry into the fort is many kilometres long almost without exception steep . Imagine walking a staircase for 15 minutes . Now imagine walking at such gradient for 2-4 hours .  I was panting and looked around to check whether any "fit "men were walking past . I saw 3 hotblooded 17 year old gym guys sitting and panting a few metres away . A 14 year old boy was gasping and walking . So i understood my fitness level was  adequate for my old age :) 

I want to stress this because this was just another defence in their system . Compared to even the Chittor fort this fort has only one entrance and even the fit soldiers will be gasping while they reach half way . And i can rest in 21st century , but at that time the fort was teaming with well rested soldiers guarding the fort who will kill these gasping invaders .

Panting and resting and crawling i trekked for an hour and reached the moat . Nowadays there is an iron bridge accross this moat but during its active days this moat was filled with crocodiles and was very deep . Even now it is filled with water and there were dam systems to flood it to such an extent that the only entry point which was stone bridge would immerse completely . In short the actual bridge was constructed below the level of the incoming road . Kudos to the architecture 900 years back .

Imagine you somehow(i dont know how ) got past this defence . Then there is the dark alley . Pitch black stairway with many secret chambers filled with defending soldiers . When you grope in the dark you will be slaughtered by these defenders and if you have night vision and run ahead there is a place which is a trapdoor which takes you directly into the crocodile infested moat . And still if you escape and walk ahead soldiers above had an opening to pour boiling oil on the unfortunate . 

This is half my journey . I had not reached the top . The person who sold me guidebook told that it is at least an hours climb from that point to reach the top . This much trek/climb/cardiovascular fitness exercise was enough for me .  I  was thrilled by this fort , for it was different . And  no wonder it was never conquered during the many centuries by direct attack . Check out the google pics of this fort and when you get time and am sure of your physical fitness ---visit it  -- and enjoy the TREK

cost of medical care

Sometime back a person i know commented on the huge price of medicine .  This particular person i knew has millions of rupees and i snatched the bill from his hand out of curiosity . The bill was 37 rupees fifty paise . Less than a dollar  .  Today another friend of a person i know was discussing loudly (knowing that i was hearing )  about the greedy doctors charging exhorbitant rates . This time dentists were under attack . Apparently root canal treatment  is a money spinning venture costing 2000 rupees (40 dollars ) while a tooth extraction is only (3 dollars ) 150 rupees . This person was a senior manager in a car sales company .
                                      Both these questions had me thinking about the expectations of present day patients as these guys are not the exception but the rule these days .  People who wont blink an eye spending 6 lakhs- 1 crore  for a luxury item like a car will grudgingly pay the price for their essential healthcare which enables them to lead a healthy life . Common sense and some searching for knowledge in places like internet will tell you that medical care is expensive because modern medical care has huge costs in discovering new medications . Even for a simple drug like paracetamol (crocin) millions of rupees are used in research . Luckily many of these medicines are cheap because the cost is shared by millions of people . The same goes for technology .  A cataract surgery which used to take days to heal and used to have so many complications now can be done and patient sent home within 4 hours with foldable intraocular lens . And if we expect this foldable intra-ocular lens to cost rs 10 is it the lens or the expectations to  be blamed .
                                                                     I dont own a BMW but i have heard a sidemirror of it costs around 80000 rs  .  At that cost  in many  hospitals you can do most major surgeries . But  the BMW owner will proudly speak about the 80000 he spent on his mirror while the patient who got back his life will keep on cribbing about  the 80000 rs he spent and the greedy doctors , greedy hospitals etc . I am  not  saying that all the doctors or hospitals are great but we should be realistic in judging anything including healthcare .
                                                            

Ellora caves and Daulatabad fort ---Aurangabad trip

                                                    Let me be honest . Travel is not one of my top priorities . But that doesnt stop me from seeing the interesting things all around india whenever i travel . My confession is just to highlight that if i can visit some of these places and be really thrilled ,then for many whose top priority is travel , travelling around india will give the ultimate joy .
I introduce you to Aurangabad the place where Ajanta and Ellora caves are located .I recently visited Aurangabad .  In the elaborate dinner buffet called india tourism destination sites  (hope you now know what my top priority is :) )  aurangabad is definitely an interesting dessert section .
Aurangabad is one of the fastest growing cities in india and is located in heart of Maharashtra easily accessible by train ,volvo bus or flight from mumbai . To visit Ajanta or Ellora it is recommended that you stay at Aurangabad itself(details in the hotels link on the right side of this blog )   and hire a taxi for a daytrip to Ellora caves and Daulatabad fort and Bibi ka maqbara . Another separate trip in another day if you want to visit Ajanta caves (as it is 2.5 hrs plus one way )  . Again another confession i am not a statue person so i skipped ajanta trip altogether and visited Ellora caves and Daulatabad fort  . Then you may ask me what i am going to write about ?
                                                    You dont have to be a statue/architectural lover/art lover to enjoy Ellora caves . You get proud about indian culture and the hardwork at just seeing the Ellora caves cut from solid rock 1000 years back . The sheer size and the detail have to be seen to be experienced . Gigantic rocks taller than 5 storied building has been scooped from above and intricate statues with full detail have been sculpted . There are 1000s and 1000 s of statues . Having read about Vardhamana Mahavira , Gautama Buddha and the hindu gods on one aspect i was thrilled to see their life size statues ;on another aspect from a scientific viewpoint  i was wondering how they did it 1000 to 1500 years back when there was no crane , no gunpowder ..nothing except simple tools and their hands . And lastly i was awestruck by the dedication of 10 generations of people (yes you read correctly ) who worked everyday to complete the whole Ellora project over more than 500 years .
If i stayed at Ellora for about half a day  you can imagine how long someone who is really into art will stay there ?
So in one word , my comment about Ellora ---Strongly recommended dessert in the india tourism map .

But aurangabad is not about Ajanta-Ellora alone ... for that if interested read my next blog ...Daulatabad fort .

Mamma he is gay .....

Recently i visited mumbai the cosmopolitan capital of india . I was at my cousins home and that day they were all visiting a friend of theirs who was leaving mumbai to study in a foreign country . This friend of his according to him is apparently gay and to make matters better or worse his Mamma knows that he is gay . We all visited this friend and i was looking at the scene where a group of close friends and relatives were seeing him off . Tears were in everyones eyes and i could see he was a favourite of all the assembled people . It seems this guy was such a nice person and  he even  used to take personal care of his grandmother who was very old and frail . Nowhere was any gayness in sight . That is the point  :  his sexual orientation was not there evident in his relationship to his parents , his close friends or his relatives or his study .
.                                                   Today i was randomly watching Roadies show with my teenager plus cousin (Roadies is a teenager show ) and this time one of the candidates confessed that he was gay . During the entire show his face was blurred as all concerned was involved in protecting his identity . It was discussed that the poor fellow understood that the judges were understanding but was scared that his confession will make him a laughing stock of the community .
                                                 We in the 21 st century have come a long way in technology ,healthcare , understanding of various things . But the sad fact remains that inspite of all this we as a whole (with a minority exception of course ) stigmatise many things  even now -- gayness , hiv infection , mental illness to name a few .
Eventhough many of us  are "users" of the ultimate bank of knowledge--- the internet few of us use it to expand our knowledge outside spheres of our immediate concern like professional use or networking like facebook . If i say do not stigmatise gayness it is because i have read about it .

Longtime ago people with leprosy and tuberculosis were ostracised from soceity and sent to islands so that they are away from mainstream soceity and can die in peace . With knowledge about them nowadays we dont see anyone sent to an island for leprosy/T.B. Hope the stigma lessens with greater knowledge about these so that  "Mamma he is gay "  doesnt make dinner conversation .

from 35000 feet

Yesterday my co-passenger in jet airways offered me water to drink .  I accepted it and drank it because seldom i am offered water by co-passengers in an airplane .  . Before the perestroika in airline industry every flight was offered five star meals . And there was no point in co-passenger offering whatever they were eating or drinking . Though few airlines gives meals nowadays the non-sharing attitude has continued .
                                                                                       Then why i accepted it from the complete stranger next to me in the passenger seat ?. Because  this time my co-passenger was an airhostess .
                                              Because i travel often i make it a point to observe these people who makes our life comfortable at 35000 feet . Some of them are extremely polite and many of them are hardworking . With salaries starting at 50000-60000 per month they not only serve you food but also remove the plates after you have eaten . Compare this with jobs in hotels where the waiter relegates the clearing of dishes to the juniors . When there is little space for putting luggage some of them climb on the seats and help putting the baggage so that the passengers are at ease . The point is the good ones make sure that the guest is comfortable . During my germany travel there was one airhostess who was telling jokes each time she was serving the early morning breakfast . 4 am was not the best time for a joke but still it was nice to see that she was serving the breakfast with a touch of humour . There are other industries where you have to say 150 goodmornings but here you have to tell 150 goodmornings within 15 minutes almost continuously (remember getting inside a plane ).
                                                                       I can go on and on about the airhostesses but for the time being take home message  is if you are in a plane observe the airhostesses for 2 minutes and appreciate their work .
P.S  : the airhostess who was sitting next to me was an off-duty airhostess travelling to mumbai .