overcoming fear

                                                                 

       If you were to ask me to rate myself on a scale of 0-10 on courage i would always rate myself less than 5 . That was years ago when i was a timid teenager . If you wouldnt misunderstand ( you should never ) i was ragged by girl seniors from my predegree college and was so timid when they asked to show me my biceps and give a flying kiss .. And what about when the nurse tried to give me a tetanus toxoid injection i physically ran away from the hospital fearing the pain of injection .
Years later though fearful in some circumstances i am amazed at the progress i made in conquering my fears . It was not a conscious process of "being strong " as told by the society  or all the inspiration drawn out from the inspirational stories read . All that failed in my case . But one technique which worked for me was just the observation of what fear was all about and just realising that "fear " and "reality " was only faintly related .

Starting from the injection episode of childhood as i grew up i realised that injections though painful were not as painful as the "fear " and the anticipation of pain that an injection entailed . Things became so extreme that i remember once i even took an intramuscular injection on myself many years back .(no nurse to run away from )  .  And no wincing with pain on any blood test .

Many years back i took a small canoe and went on my own in the river periyar . It was supposed to be a small 5 minute testing the waters . But i underestimated the strong current and within minutes i was in the  middle of periyar river and no amount of paddling could turn my small canoe around . I would have fainted or screamed but i still remember the moment when my mind and body went on autopilot and i saw myself judging possibilities of reaching any shore downstream or in the worst scenario the sea . I was amazed at myself realising the futility of panicking calmly paddling inspite of being caught in the current . Partly the calm paddling and partly the lack of panic the small canoe turned and i somehow was able to reach the shore that too near where i started . That moment i realised the dictum taught in every emergency " do not panic "  .

Few people must have been caught metres away from indian wild buffalo , gaur to be exact that too at night . I was caught in the midst of a herd a few years back not deliberately but by accident . Here too there were two fears i had to deal with --- the real probability of the 1000 kg animal charging and goring me to death and the fear which made the probability seem like 100 percent . It was a very dangerous situation and simple panic and running would have definitely killed me . But here again i observed my mind and body going into autopilot and carefully retreated without running or provoking an attack by the wild animal .

Shes lucky indeed (dont ask me who is she :) )  . She is the senior i told about in first paragraph . If i was as courageous as i am now she wouldnt have ragged again ..:)  Joking .. I am still afraid of girls :) not wild buffaloes or mighty rivers .