marriage some random thoughts

Today was reading O Henrys short stories and i selected one story at random and read it  . Probably mere coincidence but that one, the "gift of Magi " ,was about the love of a couple .  And we should remember that Henry wrote this short story 100 years back when marriage was not viewed primarily for "companionship " and " love " but rather more for its social and economic reasons .But even then his stories were highlighting the beautiful love and companionship in marriage .  Even Henry had his marriages based on love the first one he proceeded inspite of opposition as his wife had tuberculosis a deadly disease during that time and long after she died he got married to his childhood sweetheart .

Now fast forward 2013  .  Not at all a tv addict  i just chanced upon two talk shows yesterday and today on kerala malayalam channels . I vouch that it was pure coincidence that both the programs happened to  be on marriage  .  ( Seems like everyones minds is on marriage these days  )  .  The themes of both programs was very good . Yesterdays one was focussed on a couple a karate couple with karate kids .  Apparently all of them were blackbelt karates ( impressive )  . But the drama /immaturity that followed i found hard to believe .  After 15 years of marriage with two big kids and seemingly happy from outside the husband a 5 th dan karate was crying on tv  saying that he was grossly unhappy that his wife still told him that she didnt love him 100 percent  . Apparently she loved him 50 percent only ( i  checked my ears  ... this is adult mature conversation or kindergarden kids ?? ) . And the reason for the 50 percent was she had a lover 15 years back and she couldnt marry him due to family opposition  .  Anyway i am optimistic that the topic of marriage is being discussed but a little sad that seemingly "happy " couples on the outside were really worse than kindergarden children in their relationship goals  .  Having seen quite a few like that i am not surprised however  ..  

If yesterdays was a bad dream todays was really a nightmare . A popular talk show with lots of audience and a dozen experts in the field : topic is should pre-marital counselling and advice be given to newly about to be married couples . Nice theme and relevant topic .  But what i was not prepared for was the way the talk show proceeded .  Adult men in the audience  consisting of men and women telling long lectures on  orgasms , that sex is the only basis of marriage etc using all the malayalam words in all its vulgarity(mind you this was the audience shouting as if they were the experts on both sex and marriage  )   .  For a moment i thought whether it was some adult movie  .Then i thought whether it was some paraphilia  (refer wikipedia )  support group  .    And the worst part is most of them were answering with no relevance to the questions asked .  Assuming that the audience is picked at random and since multiple adult men were telling in vulgar language the details of sex  and thats the only basis of marriage i couldnt help but conclude that in kerala soceity at least a sizeable proportion of older men have very perverted views of marriage .  The experts were relatively silent thanks to the talk show host who was more excited in hearing this nonsense than conducting the show properly . 

I have written a few blogs on the uniqueness of kerala soceity in some things and it was disturbing to see really perverted views on a subject which as an educated group should discuss with greater understanding  .  

And i am strongly for pre-marital counselling . At least then we can to some extent prevent such perverted minds from developing and creating trouble for the future spouse .  The other option is at least read O. Henry stories which shows marriage is based more on finer emotions and bonding rather on the  animal instincts  which comes only number 2 priority in really happily married couples .. 

Comments welcome ...