Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi ..........
Today when i opened the yahoo homepage on the right hand side there was a political comparison of Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi ... Though there are stark political contrasts between the two men , there was a similarity between them which both of them and you also will agree . And that similarity is shared by Mr Tata , Lata Mangeshkar , Asha Parekh . Any guesses ??
Ok final clue --- it is shared by our previous president APJ Abdul Kalam ...
Yes , they are all unmarried .... And being from the medical field at least i know Mr Tata , Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Parekh has non profit hospitals in their name doing service to humanity . This is in addition to Tatas greatness in bringing india to the world map of cars with Nano , Lata Mangeshkar for singing the greatest romantic melodies and Asha Parekh for being a great actor of yesteryear .
This introduction is because time and again i have been asked why i am unmarried . And after my "smile " for an answer ---( i dont discuss my personal life with casual acquaintances and distant relatives ) there is a lecture on why marriage is the utmost necessity .. I agree that marriage is a good thing but i starkly disagree with some points given in the lectures . Surprisingly , the lectures have many common points ( Did they all attend the same school :) )
The points are
1 . In old age no one will take care of an unmarried person : I have found that so many people whom i know of in their 60 s live alone either because their spouse is no more and their children are busy with their lives often in far away lands . . And i know of some old people who inspite of having children in the same district are hardly visited upon . And some of these people have 5 plus children . To get a fairer view point as recent as three days ago , myself and two friends were discussing the relationship of parents and newage kids . Both of them were telling me about the "I " and " me " culture of recent times which they have observed and the increasing private lives kids were preferring beyond age of ten years nowadays . . And though i am not at all against marriage i think this lecture point is totally irrelevant .Whether you will be taken care of in old age depends on many factors . One more point to add is that , if you are a nice human being there are greater odds that you will have a pleasant old age ---children or no children .
2. You will have nothing to look forward to ---life will be boring ...Time and again i have seen many people who are "too busy " to have a family life though they are married . Again i have seen some people who dont have any altruistic interests . Not only the great personalities listed above , i have seen all the unmarried people i know having greater interest in social wellbeing and uplift . And in doing so they have something to look forward to .
3. Unmarried people have major commitment issues ... This rewinds me back an year or two when i used to know two people . One person confided in me that she is very unhappy that her husband is repeatedly getting committed to colleagues inspite of being "happily " married . In another case it is the woman who is getting "committed " to outside forces . My point is , these are not isolated siberian cranes .
4 . Companionship ........... I am not an anti-marriage activist and this point i agree . In an ideal marriage ( i have seen some ) its great companionship . But to these lecturers , i show them many (yes there are many ) examples of "happily married " people who are actually in it for to put it bluntly -- married because they tied the knot . Due to the stigma of divorce in indian society and because even nowadays women put up a lot to preserve the marital bond --some of these "marriages" survive .. In the west they call these loveless marriages . So companionship being an ideal goal cannot be included in the lecture ...
5. In our religion it is cumpulsory ---hmm ... the same religion tells how a woman should be treated .Is it being followed ? . And the finer things like men can marry four while women only one --- i cannot logically agree .
On a lighter note , all married people were in the unmarried state before, so should not force bachelors to marry by giving long lectures with partially valid points .
And regarding myself again : I am in no way an anti-marriage proponent but against the hypocrisy going around surrounding many marriages and the boring lectures i get . One thing is sure --whether i get married or remain unmarried i will not kill anyone --- with boring lectures .
please comment ...
regards
haroon
Today when i opened the yahoo homepage on the right hand side there was a political comparison of Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi ... Though there are stark political contrasts between the two men , there was a similarity between them which both of them and you also will agree . And that similarity is shared by Mr Tata , Lata Mangeshkar , Asha Parekh . Any guesses ??
Ok final clue --- it is shared by our previous president APJ Abdul Kalam ...
Yes , they are all unmarried .... And being from the medical field at least i know Mr Tata , Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Parekh has non profit hospitals in their name doing service to humanity . This is in addition to Tatas greatness in bringing india to the world map of cars with Nano , Lata Mangeshkar for singing the greatest romantic melodies and Asha Parekh for being a great actor of yesteryear .
This introduction is because time and again i have been asked why i am unmarried . And after my "smile " for an answer ---( i dont discuss my personal life with casual acquaintances and distant relatives ) there is a lecture on why marriage is the utmost necessity .. I agree that marriage is a good thing but i starkly disagree with some points given in the lectures . Surprisingly , the lectures have many common points ( Did they all attend the same school :) )
The points are
1 . In old age no one will take care of an unmarried person : I have found that so many people whom i know of in their 60 s live alone either because their spouse is no more and their children are busy with their lives often in far away lands . . And i know of some old people who inspite of having children in the same district are hardly visited upon . And some of these people have 5 plus children . To get a fairer view point as recent as three days ago , myself and two friends were discussing the relationship of parents and newage kids . Both of them were telling me about the "I " and " me " culture of recent times which they have observed and the increasing private lives kids were preferring beyond age of ten years nowadays . . And though i am not at all against marriage i think this lecture point is totally irrelevant .Whether you will be taken care of in old age depends on many factors . One more point to add is that , if you are a nice human being there are greater odds that you will have a pleasant old age ---children or no children .
2. You will have nothing to look forward to ---life will be boring ...Time and again i have seen many people who are "too busy " to have a family life though they are married . Again i have seen some people who dont have any altruistic interests . Not only the great personalities listed above , i have seen all the unmarried people i know having greater interest in social wellbeing and uplift . And in doing so they have something to look forward to .
3. Unmarried people have major commitment issues ... This rewinds me back an year or two when i used to know two people . One person confided in me that she is very unhappy that her husband is repeatedly getting committed to colleagues inspite of being "happily " married . In another case it is the woman who is getting "committed " to outside forces . My point is , these are not isolated siberian cranes .
4 . Companionship ........... I am not an anti-marriage activist and this point i agree . In an ideal marriage ( i have seen some ) its great companionship . But to these lecturers , i show them many (yes there are many ) examples of "happily married " people who are actually in it for to put it bluntly -- married because they tied the knot . Due to the stigma of divorce in indian society and because even nowadays women put up a lot to preserve the marital bond --some of these "marriages" survive .. In the west they call these loveless marriages . So companionship being an ideal goal cannot be included in the lecture ...
5. In our religion it is cumpulsory ---hmm ... the same religion tells how a woman should be treated .Is it being followed ? . And the finer things like men can marry four while women only one --- i cannot logically agree .
On a lighter note , all married people were in the unmarried state before, so should not force bachelors to marry by giving long lectures with partially valid points .
And regarding myself again : I am in no way an anti-marriage proponent but against the hypocrisy going around surrounding many marriages and the boring lectures i get . One thing is sure --whether i get married or remain unmarried i will not kill anyone --- with boring lectures .
please comment ...
regards
haroon
Married or unmarried......both has advantages and disadvantages.
ReplyDeletevery well-written Haroon. each point dissected & presented clearly. i too don't believe that marriage will ensure someone will take care of us in "old age". in any case, it's better to marry only when we feel so & to the person with whom we really enjoy spending time with. otherwise it will become just a "show"
ReplyDeletepls remove word verification for comments :((
ReplyDelete@sujatha was little hesitant to write these "personal philosophy " blogs ...Anyways seeing ur last blog i will be writing more on these lines . after all blog is self expression
ReplyDeletemeanwhile given up on word verification --- couldnt find it anywhere :(( even in settings
interesting.....
ReplyDeleteGreat write up.
ReplyDeleteI would like to agree with you on your perspective on one's spouse taking care of you during old-age. If you are a nice person, you will certainly have a great old age, children or no children. It is greatly dependent on the way you live your life. The way you bring up your kids, so that they understand you, the way you and your spouse interact with each other (which the kids see as they grow up!) has great impact on their perceptions to life altogether! and simply your self belief. I would like to say this since I strongly feel that there is no one in this world for you apart from yourself! Its a hard fact. All other relationships are by virtue of some external forces which may or may not be in your control.
Coming on to your other points, I would like to comment on the point on companionship. Yes, its one that is rightly pointed out. Companionship should not just mean being friends with each other alone. In a relationship, one has to put in 'efforts' to keep the marriage alive and kicking! Yes, and this needs to be done by both parties! This is seldom realised, and is often taken for granted by either party, resulting in an underlying stress that, possibly, either party may not even know of! This is the worst part.
So to conclude, let me say that one has only one life and it has to be lived to the full. Having the right partner can make this journey of life a heavenly experience indeed provided both 'WORK' towards it! :)
Cheers! Life is beautiful!
More to life!!