For starters this post is not about Sicily and its mafia nor is it about the godfather . Its about some families i have witnessed . Dont get me wrong these families have nothing to do with the mafia . But they have a common feature with the mafia .
Mafia families of Sicily are known for their intense bonding between their members . Though they are ruthless killers and operate in a terrifying manner ,among themselves there is a bond so strong that one member will die for another one if there is a need or for a common cause .... And there is the godfather the one person who is looked upon as the leader and who is responsible for holding it together ...
My generation was lucky (or unlucky? ) to have witnessed the disintegration of the joint family system and the formation of the current nuclear family . Many of us witnessed the joint family system during our early childhood days and later witnessed nuclear family . This is in sharp contrast to the current generation who has been born into the nuclear family . Nuclear family has many advantages in the form of the greater freedom there is for the small family from the constraints and lack of privacy of the joint family . But the price for this freedom was the weaker bonding between these nuclear family units .
When we were very young i still remember i used to call my moms younger sister "Elamma " the literal meaning of "younger mother " . Though technically an "Aunt " the relationship was truly younger mother ...I used to be so fond of trainsets that i still remember she gave it to me though it was purchased from gulf for her son and in those days people from dubai came only once in two years ....This is just one of the incidents to illustrate the bond ..At that time i was staying in my moms family house as part of a joint family . So whenever i think about the nuclear vs joint family debate i think of such incidents .....
forward to my late school days ..... im at trivandrum part of the nuclear family (my parents and my sister only ) . There is freedom . There is no one to disturb the privacy of my study time and play companions are replaced with neighbours kids (not cousins anymore ) . I like this freedom but in my deeper mind miss the deep bonding which was there in the joint family . So is the joint family system dead ..... for the most parts yes ... it is dead ....But ..
But,.. this is were i admiringly remember the modern day godfathers (in a positive sense only ) . Even in this nuclear family era there are some families which have the Godfather and the Sicilian bonding . Its not there in all families but wherever it is there it gives great joy because though nuclear those families belong to the "brotherhood " of the network of nuclear families . To illustrate my grandfathers younger brother at trivandrum when he was alive was a great joining force . During weekdays we had the nuclear family with its privacy and freedom , but every weekend was a celebration . In the weekends he took the initiative to organise family events , family outings in which even the most distant relative was invited . I used to remember him asking questions after my exams (not the cursory ones from an uncle ) , used to encourage me to sing songs during family parties and encouraged me to perform magic tricks ... Not only to me he used to do similar things to my distant relatives also . Thanks to him , my fathers cousin and my sister or my distant second cousin , felt the same to me ... There was no degrees of separation .... the Sicilian mafia effect .
He is no more now and as expected the "brotherhood " is no more . No .. we still love each other but compared to former days we are now " relatives " ...
In mumbai also while i was there for three years , there was another brotherhood i witnessed . Another family with a similar godfather who used to take care of his brothers like a father takes care of his sons . He was not my direct family but one of my aunts was married into that family . Though they all were scattered across the metropolis that is mumbai where time is scarcest resource our Godfather here ensured that at least twice a month all attend the family function . The occasion ----nothing .. Just meeting and having dinner and feeling as part of the brotherhood . Any problem of the constituent nuclear families would be taken care of by the Godfather . And luckily he was fond of me too and thus though not a blood relative i was also part of their " nuclear plus " family .
Nuclear families are here to stay ..... thats for certain . .But i feel just like an antique gold ornament which has a beauty and value ,the legacy of joint family should be retained in part by encouraging the Godfathers to continue to be the connecting bond between the nuclear families ...Or is it asking too much ...........in this modern age . Only time will tell
Mafia families of Sicily are known for their intense bonding between their members . Though they are ruthless killers and operate in a terrifying manner ,among themselves there is a bond so strong that one member will die for another one if there is a need or for a common cause .... And there is the godfather the one person who is looked upon as the leader and who is responsible for holding it together ...
My generation was lucky (or unlucky? ) to have witnessed the disintegration of the joint family system and the formation of the current nuclear family . Many of us witnessed the joint family system during our early childhood days and later witnessed nuclear family . This is in sharp contrast to the current generation who has been born into the nuclear family . Nuclear family has many advantages in the form of the greater freedom there is for the small family from the constraints and lack of privacy of the joint family . But the price for this freedom was the weaker bonding between these nuclear family units .
When we were very young i still remember i used to call my moms younger sister "Elamma " the literal meaning of "younger mother " . Though technically an "Aunt " the relationship was truly younger mother ...I used to be so fond of trainsets that i still remember she gave it to me though it was purchased from gulf for her son and in those days people from dubai came only once in two years ....This is just one of the incidents to illustrate the bond ..At that time i was staying in my moms family house as part of a joint family . So whenever i think about the nuclear vs joint family debate i think of such incidents .....
forward to my late school days ..... im at trivandrum part of the nuclear family (my parents and my sister only ) . There is freedom . There is no one to disturb the privacy of my study time and play companions are replaced with neighbours kids (not cousins anymore ) . I like this freedom but in my deeper mind miss the deep bonding which was there in the joint family . So is the joint family system dead ..... for the most parts yes ... it is dead ....But ..
But,.. this is were i admiringly remember the modern day godfathers (in a positive sense only ) . Even in this nuclear family era there are some families which have the Godfather and the Sicilian bonding . Its not there in all families but wherever it is there it gives great joy because though nuclear those families belong to the "brotherhood " of the network of nuclear families . To illustrate my grandfathers younger brother at trivandrum when he was alive was a great joining force . During weekdays we had the nuclear family with its privacy and freedom , but every weekend was a celebration . In the weekends he took the initiative to organise family events , family outings in which even the most distant relative was invited . I used to remember him asking questions after my exams (not the cursory ones from an uncle ) , used to encourage me to sing songs during family parties and encouraged me to perform magic tricks ... Not only to me he used to do similar things to my distant relatives also . Thanks to him , my fathers cousin and my sister or my distant second cousin , felt the same to me ... There was no degrees of separation .... the Sicilian mafia effect .
He is no more now and as expected the "brotherhood " is no more . No .. we still love each other but compared to former days we are now " relatives " ...
In mumbai also while i was there for three years , there was another brotherhood i witnessed . Another family with a similar godfather who used to take care of his brothers like a father takes care of his sons . He was not my direct family but one of my aunts was married into that family . Though they all were scattered across the metropolis that is mumbai where time is scarcest resource our Godfather here ensured that at least twice a month all attend the family function . The occasion ----nothing .. Just meeting and having dinner and feeling as part of the brotherhood . Any problem of the constituent nuclear families would be taken care of by the Godfather . And luckily he was fond of me too and thus though not a blood relative i was also part of their " nuclear plus " family .
Nuclear families are here to stay ..... thats for certain . .But i feel just like an antique gold ornament which has a beauty and value ,the legacy of joint family should be retained in part by encouraging the Godfathers to continue to be the connecting bond between the nuclear families ...Or is it asking too much ...........in this modern age . Only time will tell