Sicilian mafia ... and the godfather

                                       For starters  this post is not about  Sicily  and its mafia  nor  is it about the godfather .  Its  about  some  families  i have  witnessed  .  Dont  get  me  wrong these families  have  nothing to do with the mafia  .  But  they have  a  common feature  with  the  mafia  . 

                                                          Mafia  families  of Sicily  are  known for their  intense  bonding between their members  .  Though they are ruthless killers  and  operate in a terrifying manner  ,among themselves there is a bond so strong  that  one member  will  die for another one if there is a need  or for a common cause  .... And  there is  the  godfather  the one person who is looked  upon as the leader  and who is responsible for holding it together  ...
                                                          My  generation was  lucky (or unlucky?   )  to have  witnessed  the  disintegration of the joint family  system  and  the  formation of  the  current  nuclear family  . Many of us witnessed  the joint  family  system during  our early childhood days and  later  witnessed  nuclear family  .  This  is in sharp contrast to the  current  generation who has been born into the nuclear family   .  Nuclear family  has  many  advantages  in the  form of  the  greater  freedom there is for the  small family  from the  constraints and lack of privacy of the joint family  .  But the  price  for this freedom was  the  weaker  bonding  between these  nuclear family  units  .

 When we  were  very young  i  still remember  i used  to call  my moms  younger  sister  "Elamma "  the literal meaning  of  "younger mother "  .  Though  technically  an  "Aunt  "  the  relationship  was  truly  younger  mother  ...I  used  to be  so fond  of trainsets  that  i still  remember  she  gave  it to me  though  it was purchased  from gulf  for her  son  and in those days  people from dubai  came  only  once in two years  ....This  is  just  one of the  incidents to illustrate  the bond  ..At that  time  i was staying  in my  moms  family house  as  part of  a joint family  .  So whenever  i  think about the  nuclear vs joint  family  debate  i think of such incidents  .....

forward  to  my  late school  days  ..... im  at trivandrum  part of the  nuclear family   (my parents  and  my sister only  )  .  There is freedom  .  There  is  no one  to  disturb the  privacy  of my study time  and  play companions  are  replaced with neighbours kids  (not cousins  anymore  )  .  I  like  this  freedom  but  in my deeper  mind miss  the  deep bonding  which was  there  in the joint  family  .   So  is the  joint family  system dead  .....  for  the  most parts  yes ... it  is dead  ....But ..

                                                           But,..  this is were  i  admiringly  remember  the  modern day  godfathers  (in a positive  sense  only  )  .  Even in  this  nuclear  family  era  there  are  some  families  which  have  the  Godfather  and  the  Sicilian  bonding  .  Its not there  in all  families  but  wherever  it is  there  it  gives  great joy   because  though  nuclear  those  families belong  to the "brotherhood " of  the  network of  nuclear families  .  To  illustrate  my  grandfathers  younger  brother at trivandrum  when he  was  alive   was  a great  joining force  .  During  weekdays   we  had  the  nuclear family  with   its  privacy  and freedom  , but every weekend was a celebration  .   In the weekends he took the initiative  to  organise  family events  , family outings  in which  even the  most distant  relative  was invited  . I  used  to remember  him asking  questions  after  my exams  (not the  cursory  ones  from  an uncle  )  ,  used to encourage  me to  sing  songs  during family parties  and  encouraged me  to perform magic tricks  ... Not  only to me  he used to do similar things to  my  distant  relatives also  .   Thanks  to  him  ,  my  fathers  cousin  and  my  sister  or my  distant  second cousin  , felt the  same to me  ... There was no degrees  of separation  .... the  Sicilian mafia effect  .
He is no more  now  and  as expected  the "brotherhood  " is no more  .  No  .. we  still  love  each other  but  compared  to former  days  we are  now " relatives " ...

In  mumbai  also  while  i  was there  for  three  years  ,  there  was  another brotherhood  i witnessed  .  Another  family  with  a similar  godfather  who  used to take care  of his brothers  like  a  father takes care of his  sons  .  He  was  not my  direct family  but  one of my aunts was married into that family  .  Though they  all  were scattered  across the metropolis that is mumbai  where  time is scarcest resource  our  Godfather  here  ensured  that  at least  twice a  month  all  attend  the family  function  . The  occasion  ----nothing  ..  Just  meeting  and  having dinner  and feeling as part of the  brotherhood  .  Any  problem of  the  constituent  nuclear families  would be  taken care  of by  the Godfather  .  And  luckily  he  was  fond of me  too  and thus  though  not a blood relative  i was also part of their  " nuclear plus "  family  .

Nuclear families are  here to stay  ..... thats  for certain  . .But  i feel  just  like  an  antique gold  ornament which  has  a beauty  and value ,the  legacy  of  joint  family should  be retained in part  by  encouraging  the  Godfathers  to  continue  to be  the connecting  bond  between the  nuclear families  ...Or  is it  asking too  much  ...........in this modern age   .  Only  time will tell