Happy new year ... from the blogger

                                              A happy new year to all of you  :)  

Now each New year day is spend differently .  And for me this year no partying as i am out of town . But of course more than partying i value the midnight 11:59 calls from my friends and i was happy with that  and of course the best food in Coimbatore .  No dancing as i didnt have my dancer friends in this town  . (that is mumbai  )  

Thinking back on this year i am overall happy that it has given me many positive experiences .  

Some people say new year is just another day  .. It is  ... But it symbolises the passing of time  ... Whether we are happy or unhappy about it  time will pass neither fast or slow  . Though many  people say  " I dont have time "  i think  we can "find time"   if we really desire and actually   " have enough and more time "  both for oneself and for others  .  

Even in this case of blogging  this is my 179 th blog and the majority have been done in this last year  .  Recently one of my old neighbour friend commented  " You have a lot of time thats why you are blogging  "  . But i smiled and told   that i enjoy it thats why i blog   and " i find  time for it "even though i am fairly busy myself with a fulltime job  with significant travel also  .  And if you think thats the only thing i do  again its wrong  .."  I find time "  to do my  gym fairly regularly and yesterday marks exactly one year since i started doing it  .  Didnt i have this time all these years  ... Or was 2012 having 30 hours  each day  ?  No  ... i made gym also a priority  .  Oh so you must not be visiting your friends and relatives  ?  I never  visit any of my friends or relatives except  whom i really like  ( and that is not one or two  )  .  I spend quality time with my relatives and friends only thing is im quite choosy in spending time whom i am with . Afterall no one has unlimited time  ... But  this is also the answer to  all those people who say  " I dont have time to visit my friends and relatives ... I am too busy  "  .  

Work is important  (  without sounding narcissistic im pretty good at it  too  )  but  if there is a little time management and a little " new year resolution :)  "  all of us can definitely "find time  "  in 2013  . Afterall  2013 has the same seconds as 2000  ...

happy new year again and hope you find time psst  ... also  to read my blog :)   

book review opposites attract by renee baron

                                                     One grandmother is asking a grandfather " Do you love me?"  . The grandfather replied "  I told you I did when we got married "  .Of course the sensitive grandmother's that days walk in the park was over ... She went back home immediately  leaving the grandfather perplexed ..
" But i told the truth ... Why should i say everyday that i love her ... isnt it artificial  ?  "He thought to himself  ...

( He didnt get dinner that day  too :)  my guess  )

Anyway this was one of the cartoons in the book "  opposites attract "  a book on personality types and their interactions in relationships by Renee Baron (available online on flipkart ) .  Though there are other books including "please understand me " etc this book i liked because it is very simple to understand . It has lots of cartoons and quotes and examples which for the layman is a bonus   .  Its based on famous MBTI  (Myers Briggs typology ) which is most popular personality test in the world over 50 + years old  .It  classifies people on 4 major axis ... Sensing/iNtuition , Feeling/Thinking , Extraversion/Introversion . Perceiving /Judging . Not very complicated if you are a little interested in human psychology but the beauty of this book is for many people may not be much interested in going in depth  can in simple language understand the principles of personality typing  and more importantly apply it in daily life in their interactions .It helps to understand other peoples thinking styles better  .

I have seen extremely nice people whose communication  is a real problem between each other just because they dont understand how the other person is thinking  .  Of course there is no point in checking out the thoughts of every other person but if you know the patterns of thinking  it will go a long way in better communication be it in friendship , casual aquaintances , work colleagues and intimate relationships  . It will also help for many people who wonder " why the other person is not changing " inspite of my best efforts ..


http://drharoonhmarikar.blogspot.in/2012/12/the-personality-test.html  my earlier blog also may interest you if you are interested in this topic ..

So wishing you better knowledge ..

the ferrari and the jeep

                                               Once upon a time there was a racing car  lets call it Ferrari . It used to go at speeds more than 300 km per hour through fantastic roads in the italian countryside .  Everyone used to look at it  with awe for not only the streamlined beauty it was but it was the fastest car in that part  ( I know Bugatti Veyron and others are faster ..but my blog is not on cars  )  .  But one day disaster struck . The beautiful smooth roads in which it travelled closed down and that was the end of the dream days of the ferrari  . 

But this ferrari was not an ordinary ferrari  .  It knew its road days were over .  On both sides were rough terrain which never it could it dream of going as its ground clearance etc were never designed for off -roading .  It  knew its engine was still the most powerful in the world and retaining it , it adapted its suspension , ground clearance etc and soon it was able to go through the rough terrain with hills and uneven ground . Not only it was able to travel in these rough terrain it did it as gracefully and with as much style as it became the off roading champion .. Dont ask me how a ferrari changed into a jeep  , the off roading champion . Instead go through the following  ... 

There was a girl who always wanted to be a pilot .  Though it was a tough course and a challenging one especially for women long ago  she made it through all the stringent exams not only passing them  but emerging with first rank  .  She was also selected for the best job in the airline industry .  But unlike doctors and engineers pilots have to go through a stringent medical test .  If they fail the test however good they are they cannot fly and if the test results are significant sometimes they are never allowed to fly ...

This girl who was brightest and the best unfortunately couldnt pass her medical ( abnormal test results are no ones fault  )  . She was given the verdict that she could never fly in this country  . ( rules are slightly variable country to country and indian laws in aviation are pretty strict )  . She contested that in courts but to no avail . This would have broken the wings of any ordinary girl . But she was not the one to easily give up . Her flying days were over but she decided to dedicate her life to help people fly  ... To be a flight instructor  .  For information , being one of the most complicated engineering marvel , an aircraft requires tremendous amount of knowledge to fly  most of it is done on the ground in flight simulators as well as extensive physics theoretical background , navigation etc etc  ... Whatever that didnt require actually being airborne was her area .. She became good at it and soon she became one of the best instructors in their training academy  .  As a fringe benefit because of its teaching nature she had lot of thankful students who she taught and vicariously she was flying not one but a thousand aircraft through her students . And unlike the other pilots who had odd shifts she had a predominantly 9-5 job with its obvious advantages . 

Now dont ask me how the ferrari became the best off roader jeep .  As human beings , when roads become difficult the car can fight it and go forward . But occasionally when the roads completely shutdown be it career etc  we should look sideways and with a little flexibility  (humans are really flexible  )  most can really do well in other things  .  The main thing here also as in my earlier blogs is hope and the attitude that when one road closes down another will open up  ..Happy off -roading  :)

The hunter and the thread

                                                                I  remember  long ago  i read  in tinkle comics  about a little boy  who was seen outside a  toy shop  .  On enquiry  by two passersby  "Where are your parents  ? "  . He  replied  "They are busy playing inside  "   .  These days  the "toys" are so sophisticated that you really  cant blame the  parent  or  the uncle  ( in my case  )   to  be busy inside the  toyshop  "selecting "  the toys for them  or  honestly speaking  playing inside with the  hi-fi toys  inside the toyshop  .

Yesterday  went to select two  toys for my twin nephews  and found out that selecting a  toy for kids these days is no easy job .  Add to that  many of them these days  have many of those toys  and what we find amusing may not get even a casual glance from them  .  To make a long story short  i finally bought them a small toy each and  made the main purchase of two cute dresses  .

                      . As expected they played with the toys  for  around one hour and when the novelty factor worn off they were back to their games  .  The house is literally full of toys but it was really curious to watch them play .  The paradox was they were not playing with all the available toys but a small paper rose and a long piece of thread .  They were playing with these simple things for hours on end without any boredom .  Around 7 years old and above average intelligence and already seen the toys including computer games it was a paradox to watch them play with a simple piece of thread and a paper rose . Apparently they were imagining them as making a trap to catch us and make them into their pets . The cost of this toy was less than 10 rupees  ?  And the main factor which helped them into this great game was their imagination which children have no dearth of  .

Fast backward my childhood . I was lucky enough to have a dad who owned a toy shop and all the latest toys were in the house whenever they were released . Of course i loved my beautiful trainsets , the mechano sets , the doctors sets etc .... but there was one thing other than my endless cycling that thrilled me for hours  .  It was a simple bow and arrow made out of sticks as crude it can be  and i used to roam about our large backyard . (Around an acre )  .  It was full of greenery and with large trees and i was supposed to be a big hunter there .  A simple toy and large imagination.

Of course i am not telling we should stop buying the toys especially the hi-tech ones but in addition even in this digital age the crude toys are as relevant . Does these children have any message for the bmw flaunting adults who sometimes even live beyond their means for these large toys   ??  Or are present day kids more mature and giving us a message  ... I think yes .. observe them and learn from them ...

burning the midnight oil

                                                                      Long ago while i was in medical college a prominent music band came to play for our college festival . Being a western music fan we enjoyed the  music they played very much and after the function me and my friends went backstage and talked to them . When one of the guitarists told everyday he used to practise for 4-6 hrs my friend who was an amateur guitarist smiled knowingly while me (who used to appreciate music only  )  was puzzled at why you need to practise this much everyday for many months for a series of 5 minute rock and pop music  ?

In my childhood i used to burn the proverbial midnight oil  . Excepting the first one month of an academic year everyday i used to study many hours  . But just like i was perplexed by the guitarist who told he practised many hours everyday  i too encountered so many people who was surprised by the hours i put in everyday in my studies  .  Apparently  many expected genius to take care of the examination  results . In short few people understood the amount of studies required to really excel in the examinations .  It was even funny sometimes when some parents used to take me to their home to tell the "magic secret " of how to excel in the examinations .

Thinking retrospectively  i think there are indeed a few secrets in really excelling in examinations and first one is really the obvious one as told above  but seldom understood by most  .  Depending on your target you have to put in proportionate hours of studies ( i deliberately avoid the term hardwork :)  cos thats a misnomer  )  .And dont tell me all are targeting the 99 th percentile (the rank  )  .

Other than the hours of study  another key secret is you have to be really interested in knowledge  .  I still remember i used to get really thrilled when the teacher was teaching not only the working of human body but the prime numbers , the male female differences in hindi words , the historic battles in history subject etc etc .  Dont know whether i had this extra curiosity for this academic (  ?? boring ) subjects but this helped a great deal in making the "hardwork " of studies really interesting for the most part .  Even after so many years i still remember how each metal which we use for daily use gets extracted from its ore ,  etc etc . Maybe because i was a bookworm  :)  but  i really enjoyed studies  and i think if not there in the child can be instilled to some degree by proper teaching methods  .

If you think i am a narcissist  (which i am :)  )  dont read the third secret  .  Keep  reasonable targets .  Everyone is not cut out to be a rank student  .  The same person (myself )  who was a rank student knew at an early stage that i will not be a great sportsperson  .  But right from childhood made it a point to attend most of the sports competitions in school knowing fully well that i will not be best in it  .  I still remember where i combined my long jump and hurdles in one go  where i was flying in the air having hit the hurdle and having enough gashes in my leg  . The point is keep reasonable targets for the children knowing fully well where their interests are . i am fully aware that in our soceity though no one wants to be a bookworm everyone wants great academic results . But  be realistic about your childrens academic pursuits .  Most children are agreeable to put in reasonable efforts in studying but push them adequately but not too much  ..(I have many academic failures in my mind now who were pushed too much)  . . I gave the sports example because though there are a few "gifted " people who really excel in both sports and academics i was not that gifted to excel in both  .  (no regrets too ).

Last secret  is just because you are studying and doing "hard work " doesnt mean  that you shouldnt relax . Though it was not apparent to others except my parents i used to take frequent breaks from my studies to enjoy all my  small hobbies which included but not limited to seeing tv , reading fiction , music , cycling and even sports ..

So  understanding that academically this is a competitive age but still push in sufficient strength so that children realise their optimal academic success which can easily translate to first classes and distinctions and for a few really interested ones the rank too  .  My point is dont push them so much that they hate studies and also dont ignore them so much that they forget that the key secret of academic success is " studying regularly and of sufficient duration "

Nowadays i am not pressured to study cos i am in a job for past 10+ years . But still the "bookworm " in me is as active and tries to eat what it gets from the internet and books on various fields .. Is it called study  ??  I dont know

--- a bookworm ...

the baby

Children are always cute . Babies are cuter .  We are all in the same page here . All of us ? Yes , all of us love babies . 

Now the question comes ?  Do you love babies borne out of inter-religious marriages ?  My answer is an emphatic yes again . And here also "all "of you agree with me ??  I hope so  ... Let me explain ...

Last week one of the aunties  ( aunties meaning anyone who is of the age of my mother that is who is after long stay on earth has attained sufficient maturity  )  casually enquired about my cousins newborn . But the conversation soon turned on its naming . What was presumably a jovial enquiry on the state of the newborn was a covered sarcasm on its naming which of course was a name common for both religions considering the child was borne of parents from different  religions . Then her enquiry turned to the divorce of a relative of mine and his apparent sad look  ...I wouldnt have blogged about this hadnt that this lady in her vast talk on these other peoples affairs hadnt touched the baby  .  And this "aunty" wasnt even a blood relation .

Fast backward a few years ....Another place , another time  .  Unfortunately the same couple in question .  They were just married a happy time not only for them but for us too  .  Another lady  again a aunty of reasonable maturity commented  " Now ... no problem ... (sarcastically )  .. But when a baby is born  "   . 

                                                                    I understand that in this world there are many people who are good .  But isnt it hightime that we realise that babies are born without religion .  Does it need great intelligence  ?  Even if some of the people are registered gossipmongers why cant they keep babies out of the  gossip  ... at least till one year  ? 

Now coming to interreligious marriage  ... take heart .. Inspite of honour killings happening in some parts of the world   at least in my circle  it is no longer news  .  Not only because i live in a large cosmopolitan family which has people married from many different religions even in many family friends nowadays interreligious marriage is not a great rarity like it once was .  Still attitudes die hard and gossipmongers never die  ....

I love writers especially female writers

It was few decades ago . I was a little boy and attended some function at Trivandrum . After the formal speeches which were as boring as ever suddenly a lady was on the stage . She was telling about some chicken in her family mansion and the entire speech was about these chicken and the feelings she had observing them etc etc . Initially i thought she was telling nonsense . Why was she talking about chicken in a function and that too her heartfelt emotions in this formal gathering . But minutes into the speech i was also looking at her in deep admiration for this was an adult talking about tender feelings of the heart and in a very beautiful way . That was the day i fell in love with writers --- she was none other than Kamala Das aka Madhavikutty aka kamala suraayya the great poet and writer in malayalam  . 

Years passed and though to be honest not a great bibliophile esp malayalam novels each time i cannot but admire this breed who not only are in touch for humannness through their writings but often is so human that their biographies or even real life interactions are always a great pleasure . 

Take the case of Gracy  whose biography called Kaveriyude Neru i am reading for the third time now .  Going through the pages i am shocked at what all she has written . Brutally honest this married woman and mother of a child has written everything albeit everything she felt be it  her loves , her relationship with husband , with relatives etc etc of course with the poetic language which is so natural to this breed  .  Though i havent read any of her novels except her biography she mentions how her life experiences moulded each novel which she later wrote  .  The practical man in me sometimes think how can she write these intimate details of her life knowing very well that not only her husband , family and even complete strangers like me reads about it  .  But  the "human being" in me is full of admiration for her as sincerely speaking what is there to hide  ??  Only thing is few people have the courage to do it and soceity has conditioned most to hide their true emotions . 

Then there is the famous poet RoseMary who is my real life friend .  I make it a point to visit her whenever possible when i am in trivandrum .  She i have met maybe 7-8 times in last two years . But from the first visit her interactions is without any facade and in all humility .  I was even more impressed after reading a book of her in which she narrated many real life incidents around her and her reactions to it  .  So true but thoughts which the average person tries to hide away in the "diplomatic curtain"  . Whenever i write about  materialism in my blogs i  think about the " nithikakkunna boothangal -- the ghosts who take care of the treasure "  in one of her real life memoirs .  I too get the same feeling when i see some people who chase money so much that they lose their human values and affection . 

Ah ... did i say i love only female writers .  At first i thought so  because my favourite writer in malayalam Poonathil Kunjabdulla has written more about his observations rather than emotional thoughts in his biography  . Typical unemotional male ??  Thinking back  it is me who has made the memory lapse ..if Gracys experiences were heart rendering , Poonathils experiences were heart breaking especially when he says about his mother   ...No wonder they become writers ...

Lastly the famous God of small things  ... Did she(Arundhati Roy )  invent all those things  or based at least partly on her observations  ?  Read .. Its a homework for  you  ..

So next time you hear about a writer have greater respect for these individuals not because they are famous  but they were truly the true human beings ---- a different breed  ...