death of my uncle

It was expected . With hepatic failure with hepatocellular carcinoma multicentric progressing to hepatorenal syndrome (in laymans terms liver failure progressing to both liver and kidney failure ) death was inevitable . And though one of my favourite uncles from childhood i too was prepared . And being an intense believer he too was ready for death .

As i always say these days especially i think about the person how anyone was before death and naturally the feelings occur proportionate to how close you were to the deceased person and equally how he was as a person . For me i still remember him as a person who instilled the scientific temper in me . As a young nerd (me ) i was thrilled by my science classes in school and whenever he visited us we used to discuss what i had learnt . I a student in awe at the physical principles of the universe and the ticking of the biological organisms and he listened intently to me discussing these things with him . Though not a PhD at that time (he got it later ) i from day one saw him as a scientist . His field was agriculture and in later years when my questions grew in intensity he lifted up his hands and told " I am a soil scientist " .. It was not a frustrated person brushing my questions but an honest person who was brutally honest ( i like honest people not drama kings ) . This is another character i liked in him . And a good scientific person should also know his limitations .

Later on this soil scientist went to nigeria and i still remember he travelling miles to post his letters in those days to send his wife letters . But once every few months he wrote to me too and always remembered to send me stamps for my stamp collection (i still have it ... Memories and stamps do remain always ) ..As the years passed he later came back to india not as an NRI with attitude but back again as a soil scientist . Humility is another character i admire .

His daughters got married and he got two son in laws who befitted him as he was a pious and good man . He as well as i was lucky as we could see each other in the days when he was sick but still conscious .

And his funeral was one of the few funerals i attended . I was there when i stared at his face though dead . I dont believe the face of the dead body reflects a person as the religious say but i felt a calmness in that face . I attended the burial too and i personally feel as a celebrity autobiographer reader people can be buried with their most favorite possession just like jimi hedrix got buried with his guitar . In our religion it is not allowed . But as the soil got put over the corpse i couldnt help thinking about how the soil itself was the greatest tribute to the soil scientist whose work life revolved around soil . And the other tribute his good memories .. they remain with us ...

PS : Be good when you are alive because the real tears and good memories are important . And live everyday like you will die in the nth hour especially the over ritualistic religious people and the over materialistic people . For in the end just as life death is also the ultimate truth ..

childhood memories

I am defintely becoming an old man .. (or rather already is :) ) . For why i am reminiscing on childhood again and again . Just some random thoughts .
As a child my knees have scraped the church floor often and i still remember the tranquility of the church studying in a christian school . At the same time i remember the religious chants of muslim priests in my ancestral home and remember the tranquil atmosphere there too . And to make matters even better used to occasionally go to the temple with the childless couple in the neighbourhood at the temple in our housing colony ..I dont know whether it is allowed but children is beyond religion and all the boundaries get drawn when you become an adult .For me that boundary never got drawn

And my childhood began and ended with Amar chitra katha the book which defined my childhood . whatever value system i got was at least partially derived from those books which showed my 5000 years old indian culture. From the good vs evil war of mahabharatha to the numerous stories from harischandra to tales of Buddha the 100 + volumes defined What is good and evil to me .

And the little boy though not a hindu couldnt help but had a deep admiration of the hindu culture which persists to even this day . Of course as an adult he saw that petty politicians cashed in on it without realising the true essence of the culture but for me hinduism was always way beyond all this .

And if you think as in a mammootty movie whether i am a hindu , muslim or christian what can i say about the bible stories read to us by our dad every alternate day . This was in addition to the quran meanings .
Childhood memories and impressions are very important .. Theres more to write just on religion and childhood memories .. Maybe another time .. Im interested in your childhood memories .. share it if you like in the comments section

Good old days

"Da , dont talk like a girl ...the gossiping kind " I hissed . Still he persisted . Any other person would have got the full elephant charge(me of course the charging elephant ) for asking personal questions suddenly crossing the boundaries .

But he never got charged . In fact we talked for a full three hours . He was my classmate from school and this was the "updation process " going on . Catching up after all the years . Being a registered nerd during my school days my friends are all amazed at the change in me discussing topics quite different from physics , chemistry and biology .

But what i am amazed is the taking off from where we left decades back and again meeting just like the school days . In the last few months i met the pilot , the marketing managers , the senior engineers etc . But it felt like just the same as it were when we were school kids minus the mock physical fights , the cricket with young coconut seeds etc . What i am even more amazed is not only we are discussing chera , kiski , vembala etc(nicknames of teachers ) and good ol times but also about the current things . And no its not the typical "man to man " talk of cars and girls :) but about personal things . And the initial hissing by me was when one of them probed a little too deep for my comfort . But to tell the truth after some clarification i was very happy with the probing because though separated by decades of not in touch we were schoolmates . We had spent a significant part of our growing life together when the childhood innocence was gradually replaced by increasing knowledge of the world around .

Though i was a nerd each one of my classmates amazed me for accepting the nerdy me of that time as well as the me of present .
PS: I know gossipping girl is a stereotype and i told him so just to drive down the point dont ask too personal questions . We guys gossip more than any girl , at least me :) )

Barber shop and politics

In barber shops in the countryside three topics are taboo and one of them is politics .. But being a blog though apolitical (dont know if english is correct :) ) i think i can touch on politics today . This election is much looked forward to even by apolitical people like me . Whether you are an optimist or pessimist "the war on corruption " is definitely on the agenda in current election . And the infusion of highly educated people from IIT like Arvind Kejrawal , writers like Sara joseph (Thrissur kerala ) and journalist who interviewed Prabakaran in a new party called Aam Admi party all adds to the intrigue about how the election results might be . Will it be a surprise like the Delhi election ?

If my knowledge is correct Rajiv Gandhis winning was one of the highest majority in any election . But in this election we will have to see how they fare . Of course the corruptions and scams hasnt made an election advantage . But still a stable government has if you define stability by completing the tenure (thats also important ) . The young leader (has a clean image as of now ) but hasnt shown the great leadership demands of the post which is being aimed at . Because even for veterans to become a leader in the largest democracy in the world needs strong leadership skills demonstrated till date . While AAP has a novel ideology as their main point and highly educated candidates , congress is betting on the new leader who is having a clean image .

BJP under Narendra Modi also has promises . But the tones of religion and considering india making great strides in secularism for last many years is a point worth pondering . His leadership skills are definitely proven but the million dollar question is how will he tackle secularism . And if history is any evidence the actions speak better than a thousand words .

Leading india especially now is a big big challenge . Such a heterogenous group of people , economy showing great promise as well as threats and it wouldnt be a big word that the world is looking at india these days . And like a teenager going to adulthood inspite of the challenges India Inc is taking strong stances these days like the Kobagrade diplomatic stance with the US . In all these a strong leadership is the need of the hour .

So coming back to the barber shop notice : I am not discussing politics .. Its your country and think hard and vote . And im pessimistically optimistic (meaning more optimistic :) ) that the country will be one step ahead in fight against corruption and fight against religious fanaticism ...Jai Hind
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the secret of the obstetrician --medical moments

The field of Obstetrician is one field i hold in great awe because they are one of the first doctors involved when you visit the world . Be it the Caeaserean section or the vaginal delivery they are around . During my O and G postings (Obstetrics and Gynaecology postings ) there was one "object " which fascinated me . It was seldom used ( i think saw once only ) but learning about its history i felt it as great as a caeserean section but which looked quite simple in looks . And some more history searching showed it was a "secret " of royal obstetricians .

It was the "forceps ". When the future king of france or Englands life is at stake when he is stuck in the birth canal this simple looking secret was a life saver . It was invented by the Royal obstetricians centuries back . Science unlike art doesnt say "old is gold " . But for me even in those days i felt the forceps especially the ones used for more complicated manouevres in the past had more stories to tell of lives saved when many a foetus from the beggars child to the queens child got stuck in the birth canal.

Times changed the vacuum instrument and Caeserean section made forceps almost extinct except the occasional delivery by outlet forceps . And times also changed with the patient replaced by the consumer . And the poor forceps must be happy that he retired in grace because for the thousands of stuck children it saved there were few complications like deadly bleeds which occured in 4/10000 cases .

And with one of the higher malpractice claims among specialties both in US and india currently i still would like to do time travelling one day to see how that era was where obstetricians were Gods (goddesses ) and forceps was one of the reigning armament in saving lives .

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Male chauvinist lion --dont correct me i know its not lion :)

I recently saw a hunt in animal planet . Many many female lions and juvenile males were trying their best to bring down a hippopotamus . Having seen innumerable hunts i was expecting the hippo would be ripped to pieces though a dangerous prey . In the hunt one of the lioness even had her head injured by hippos bite . The standoff lasted for quite sometime and the hippo escaped with some minor injuries . I was surprised as the lionesses are extremely capable hunters (actually they do the hunting mostly while the lazy male lion relaxes ) . But the documentary narrator mentioned the key point . In some big and dangerous hunts only the large male can finish off the prey as it has the large canine necessary for making the fatal bite .
In most hunts however the male lion is not necessary at all . Actually he is too lazy too . To make matters worse this male chauvinistic fellow eats first after the hunt . He is cruel too as if he takes over a rival lions pride the first thing he does is kills the other lions babies .

He is cruel , mean and lazy . But still he is not just tolerated but a fully integral and respected part of the lion pride . Of course in human soceity the male, even though occasionally (or is it always ) called the MCP , mostly is not as cruel or as mean or as lazy as the male lion . But after interacting with many women and men in real life as well as reading psychology i observe why the male species are still loved inspite of the numerous complaints about them .
Sometime back i interacted with two women in their late forties . After some casual talk i asked them whats the secret of their long married life or specifically they love their men . Both men in their younger days were not good providers (unemployed )It was unforgivableastraditionally men are supposed to be providers or at least equal contributors to family financially . But they both were happy as inspite of all this their husbands made sure they felt a sense of protection . Knowing them and their husbands reasonably well i could understand what they meant . Though the lion is mean and lazy he "protects " the pride and in human species especially nowadays the "feeling" of protection (not the financial one ) is what keeps the human male still wanted even by the single looking for love , the divorced looking again for love and the married (hopefully ) getting from their man .

Coming back again to the Male chauvinistic ... i forgot the rest of the human species its a known fact that the male of the species is backward in the communications department ..(blogging is not counted as communication :) ) But as any happily married female as well as many single women know the communication style of men is different and many express love in their own way which can be understood with a little practice though can be irritating at times :)

Lastly narcissism and narcisstic personality disorder is more common in men . Though you may have encountered one doesnt mean that the majority is personality disordered . (refer statistics : google ) . Of course mean and cruel men do exist and many women after one (or two ) experiences overgeneralise .

This is a long topic and controversial and i have just started . Feel free to comment . This is your blog ...
Lastly lets end on a nice note . Recently i referred the google regarding emu bird which is getting popular in kerala . I was intrigued that in that species the male takes care of the eggs unlike the MCP lion . So next time tell your necessary evil .. at least look at a bird like emu and learn the basics .
---from the greatest MCP :)

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Non verbal communication ---travel

Non verbal communication ---travel Looking back on my travels so many thoughts come to my mind . From the views from Chittor fort to the gas chamber in the concentration camp in germany more than the sights it’s the spirit behind each that catches me more . The courage (though suicidal ) to walk into fire to save honor in Chittor fort , the killings of millions just for the sake of a mad man in concentration camps etc gives more meanings to the travels .

But today let me think about a few random thoughts when I travelled .
Soora ….Soora ….. Within minutes they had snatched my passport and I was like Tintin in the comic strip . In the back of a Mercedes with two 6 foot arabs talking to themselves in random Arabic and me not understanding a word of it ..It was my first visit to a gulf country and this was the reception I got . By Indian standards of hospitality it was subpar but as an adventure ( I take it in that sense ) it was comical . Of course the car after sometime came in front of a nice airconditioned building and I soon realized I was not a hostage but the six footers were my welcome party . I learned arabic in the next few months but still on that day I was Tintin thoroughly confused by the serious looks and nonstop foreign language chatter by my welcome party . I later learnt that due to language problem one of my colleague landed in a chicken farm instead of doctors quarters though the mistake was later rectified .
A beautiful cold morning in Shanghai . Cold makes me walk and I do explore new neighbourhoods . Nice people who don’t stare at you and where there are no gangs to intimidate u is nice in any foreign country . But language problem is severe in shanghai and Chinese is a very difficult language to learn . I still know only “Nihau “ . Anyway after a 3 km walk admiring the beautiful roads , nice neighbourhoods I suddenly heard a thud . Looking back I saw a young Chinese girl fell off her bicycle in the bicycle track . It was only a few minutes after I had admired a shop selling high end cycles (cycling is popular in shanghai ) . From the moment she started getting up she was smiling continuously at me and I was asking her through sign language whether she had any problem . Smile could mean many things : You idiot cant u see I fell down . What do u expect . Of course im little hurt …
Im ok . I know you are a doctor but I don’t need a fracture treatment especially from a illiterate radiologist ..
Anyway actually her non verbal communication and her genuine smiles showed her appreciation that I rushed to help her and except for a few small abrasions she was ok …
She told something in Chinese probably thanks .. but her smiles conveyed it more than any words … Thousands of kilometers from india people are similar in so many ways especially the fundamental things … And no language is a barrier to express gratitude ….
Friendly neighbourhood ….Colombo ….Sri lanka …Compared to other airports this airport was armed to the teeth . Never seen so many gun totting soldiers at that time especially since the civil war had just ended a few years back . But I felt as an Indian it was the friendliest airport . Totally hasslefree and all the soldiers were smiling . Is it because I looked South Indian and though geographically separate they were the neighbours closest in ethnicity to mine . I don’t know Sinhalese and didn’t need any English to feel the “welcome “ in that country .

Lastly I should mention the good old Erlangen germany where most of people I saw didn’t speak English . I learnt deutsch later but in my first visit I was overwhelmed by the people trying to help me best in high speed german the directions . Not the “stupid tourist “ smile but genuine welcoming smile but unfortunately I just nodded at the directions as I didn’t know a word of german then . But I still remember those smiles this time both from the guys and girls ( And never accuse me of being partial  ) …
Gut nacht
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On Suchitra Krishnamoorthy and Heera Rajagopal

Being an owl ,I often used to sleep off in the tv room when I was a teenager . The first sight in the morning when I woke up was a beautiful advertisement in which a pretty young woman and a handsome bearded man were romancing . Though a short clip .the first sight when you wake up , my age at that time and also the beautiful picturisation of romance in that ad still lingers in my memory . Its years since I learnt that the actors in that clip were Shekhar kapoor and Suchitra krishnamoorthy . End of story . Teenage daydreaming of a teenager .

No . As a avid reader of celebrity and famous peoples lives (blogged many times about it ) it took just a few mouse clicks to learn that the on screen romance didn’t stop there . While I was growing up they had a relationship got married (nothing unusual except he was many years her senior ) . Marriage lasted many years and later the couple got divorced . Life has come full circle and now she has even published a book called Drama queen.

Whenever I think about the paradoxes of life I think also of Suchitra over the years . For my generation she was a heartthrob and at least from that advertisement an icon of romance , she had a romance in real life and in later years came out of it stronger but philosophical . And being as candid as she is about her personal life I think how the philosophy , the prettiness , the strength yet the vulnerabilities get packaged in a woman.I like it because the unique blend of strength yet vulnerable makes woman a woman .

Coming to Heera , being a doctor I liked the film Nirnayam . Film is about a doctor who is accused of murder . But I couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful actress who looked my type of beauty ( lookwise i dont like ultrathin women ) and playing the part of a lady doctor too . Her name was Heera Rajagopal and she has acted in many mainstream movies . And typical of kerala actresses , she got married ,moved off from filmdom and lost for most . But the internet historian found that she got divorced and has become a philanthropist . Also from her bitter experiences she emerged a strong woman . Unlike Suchitra who says about the vulnerabilities combined with the strength which she got with her experience , Heera from childhood a person who responds against injustices did just that even when she was systematically isolated during her divorce time . And for a person like me who in my own way expresses my views that too made me think . The same woman who in reel life was a heartthrob of oozing sensuality was in real life over the years showing the other side of her . With my limited reading I could sense the combination of strength and honesty in her writings .

Life doesn’t treat everyone fairly and I realize fully well the paradoxes in life especially if you live for many years past teenage . Still realizing fully well the strengths of experience I still feel a little sad about my two heartthrobs . I want them to be as happy as they were in reel life in those years or is it asking too much ?

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The day i became a mirror :) Not science fiction

I dont get embarassed around women at least for the last many years . But once i was . One of the prettiest girls who was my friend came close to me with her face quite close to mine . To tell frankly this sudden move left me startled . The next dialogue startled me even further .. She told me consider me like your sister (As if i dont :) : All indians are my sisters :) ) and tell me ...How do i look ? Still puzzled she saw my confusion . She was not asking about how pretty she was . She was asking whether she looked fresh and the reason was the only available mirror was missing from its usual place and she wanted to check her face . But years later i cant recall that without laughter . Her expression and mine . Generally (actually always ) decent around women why on earth was she telling consider me like your" sister "and check my face ? I was always friendly to her and never even flirted with her except smiling and talking . And secondly why she should check her face even if the mirror is missing ? Is it because as a woman looking fresh was even more important than bringing her face close to a dangerous man :) like me ? All indians are my brothers and sisters . But still i dont know if that day i was a brother for her . To be honest i was a mirror on that day :) .

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