Children ---the future : Are we inculcating the "good" values

       Scenario 1 :  One big  city  in india

         Person 1  :         "  I  got  a new job . I am getting my first salary   "
         Me                    " Great  , when is the treat  ?  "
         Person 1           " Oh , Sorry  .. I  am  saving  money for my  tablet computer  "
         Me                   "  Ok  thats  cool  ..."

         Scenario 2  : another  big city in india

        Person 2           :  "  Please dont  walk with this heavy bag(10kg + )   for long  "
        Me                   : "  I  am used to it  .  Its  ok  "
        Person 2          :    "  Its not  ok  .  Let me carry it for sometime  "
        Me                  :  Ok  now  that you  have  carried it for sometime  let me carry it again
         Person 2        :  No  , its ok  ..  You must be tired . I will carry it till that line  (half a kilometre  away  )


                                            Both these people are in similar ages person 1 and person 2  (early 20s  ) .Have you observed any striking difference between both these interactions . Both are nice people ( i mean  it  )  but is there a subtle difference in their attitude ?
                                                    Both are known to me .  Can you guess whom i had  long back  presented  a mobilephone as gift   ( i dont do it every other day  btw  )  .
 All people  would say  it is  Person 2 but  the paradox is  it  is   Person 1

                                           I   firmly  believe  that  we  are fully responsible  for  the kids  showing  subtle  and  not so subtle signs  of  "Me first and me  last  attitude  "  in this  nuclear family  era  .  Seeing these examples    i   feel  arent we  inculcating  the wrong attitudes in the children  .  Regarding the first  scenario ,  there is nothing  wrong in saving  but at least  in joyful occassions  arent we taught  that  that joy  has to be shared  ?

                                                                                 Regarding the second scenario i had a  long discussion with their parents  and  true to my guesses  these value  system was  inculcated in their training  .

                                                                             I  am  not  giving  two  random examples  but  wherever  i have observed  in kids and young adults  the value system  they show in their interactions are learnt from home  .  I  was  just thinking  the same "Me  first and me  last  attitude "  isnt  it responsible for  the  increasing  number  of  parents  neglected by their kids  in their old age  .  The  very ones  who  are pampered  by numerous  gifts  who knows only to take  but  not to give  .

 Point to ponder  ....

The day all the girls in my class bunked... dress code

                                                       I have nothing against dress codes .  Ya there is nothing wrong in wearing a full suit with a tie and walking in midday kerala sun and doing door to door selling (Door to door salesman job )..And it is classy to wear a full suit in an overstuffed railway second class compartment in the height of summer and doing ticket checking (TTR job ).. And at least in one airline wearing semitransparent stockings (airhostess job  )  . Yes dress codes rock ... poor salesman and TTR .  In addition to their sales target in salesmanjob and some unruly passengers (TTR job) they have to bear the "dress code "  . Regarding the airhostess job hmm.. no comments  ..

Many years ago we were having a lecture in medical college by a renowned surgeon . As a teacher he was famous but also he was infamous ... because he had"  his own " sense of dress code . According to him medical students should wear sarees but not Churidhar . It was not a suggestion but he used to say about this often . Even one of the male postgraduates comment "Sir , Churidhar is so convenient "  got a sneer from him .The girls of my class were generally docile i mean they had individualistic opinions but generally "peaceful "  .
But one day this surgeon tested the limits ...Just before his lecture he gave a small mini lecture regarding his churidhar hate speech .  There were some girls in Churidhar . The hate speech concluded by saying he didnt want churidhar wearing girls in his class . But he was in for a rude shock when after a moment of silence the Churidhar wearing girls ( the minority ) went out of the class . It was followed by All the girls in the class going out of the class -- saree wearers etc etc ... (Jeans was not invented during that time :)  )  ..

Recently on my birthday bash i wore a kerala lungi and T -shirt  .  Of course i was not planning to wear a tie and suit for that but i was in half a mind to wear trousers . Then i thought :  Lungi represents the traditional dress of kerala why shouldnt i honour my state by wearing it on my birthday .

If this is only about dress codes you are mistaken :  its about food too  ... What is the best way to eat rice and Sambar the traditional food of south india . Is it with a fork and spoon ?  Though there is a school of thought saying the hands are "dirty "  (God are you listening  :  you created hands )  at least many in South india strongly feel the best way to eat food is using this highly versatile hand .  In an open fight between fork and spoon and even chopsticks of china the hands wins always . Try to eat a dosa with spoon and fork or a chopstick  . Dont mistake me that i am strongly against these complex instruments  and am a " naadan " .I still eat oriental cuisine with chopsticks and an occasional continental dish with fork for the fun of it . And of course use fork especially when I am with the Romans  .  (When in Rome , do as the Romans do  )

Now i have two questions still remaining  :
1 . Cant the TTRs not have coat as a  dress code as its a torture unless you are in an AC compartment  .

2.  What did all my girl classmates do after mass bunking the class that day ... was it too early for the cinema :)  .. Till today i dont know whats so wrong with Churidhar  ?

God ...isnt he everywhere ?

                                                                   I  am not an atheist  .  I  am not a deeply religious person either  at least  the way i see the religion being practised these days by many . 

                                                                      These days i attend many functions where the people who are going for long pilgrimage are sent off .  Its nice to see aggregation of people seeing off a person on a long journey and that too to visit a holy place .  But the logical person in me cannot help thinking a few little thoughts .

Where is God ? Whether he is called by whichever name or even if we call it spirituality or vital force isnt he everywhere ?  Especially for " heavily religious persons "  arent they in a position to see that the God is more around them than in a far away land ?
 Recently i saw a person starving . (he was not a beggar but didnt have money to buy food in the afternoon )  . Paradoxically he had just visited not one but two houses where people were going for pilgrimage and there was feasting at both these houses .  But this person was not offered food  . Having consciously observed many " religious " persons i was not shocked cos i have seen these things before  . 

. On one of these days i met a young man  (35 is young :)  )  .  Extremely boastful  ( i thought that was  also a  crime since he also claimed to be very religious )  i had to listen to his stories for a few minutes  ..( i can be polite sometimes )  .  I asked him casually whether he had done this great pilgrimage which costs a few lakh rupees .  Being young i expected a negative answer . He told me not only  that he had done it , but also that he had done it long back because  " You never know when you are going to die . So i finished it early  "  .     Then again he continued his boasting dialogues and i excused myself .    I thought to myself 
Why do these humans assume that God is like them ... who keeps a to do list and  has a checklist for people before admitting them to heaven or hell ?  In that checklist how many points he adds or deletes for boasting(pride in certain religions is considered a great crime as humans are supposed to be submitting to their creator  )  and how much for pilgrimage ?  And how much for sending a man on empty stomach  ?

                                                                            Now i also see some truly religious persons who I am sure will go to heaven  .  They are rare but one i have observed doing the following things  : 

1. She looks after a household where noone be it the rich relative , the poor relative , the beggar goes back empty handed . ( i mean empty stomached )  .
2. In fasting times if there is a guest they will get their usual hospitality including food .  Oh my God that is sin right ?  In fasting times everyone should fast right ?  Her point was since religion is personal she will do the fasting herself but still serve others their food without demur . It is logically much more tougher to keep your fast when you are serving food for others . She didnt give a lecture on "Religion is personal " but was practising that without a word  .. (I found that wonderful  )  . 
3. She observes all the rituals which is expected in her religion but i have never seen her preaching to others what they should practice nor i have seen her indulging even in "minor " vices like boasting , spreading rumours , insulting other people etc etc ..

                                                                I dont know whats the opinion of organised religion and the people who have their own versions of belief in them but i am sure of one thing  ... God or spirituality is here just around you  .. And there is no greater direct route to heaven than being kind to Gods  children ...(ya that includes the poor and other religions followers too  ...)  . Agree with me ? Great . Disagree with me  ... Feed a hungry stomach and then we will talk  .. Till then .. goodbye 

Suicide in teenage and even in children .. myth vs reality

It was long ago  ... When i was studying in medical college first year one day all of us went to the house of our classmate . It was not a pleasant visit for her sister who was in the late teens had committed suicide . The reason ...... though everyone speculated ... the actual reason we will never know because that is generally known only to the person who commits the act .  This visit was all the more painful because her sister used to visit our college functions and was popular as much as her sister amongst my classmates .

Sometime back i heard one person say that she was angry at everyone . Fine , occassionally everyone may get angry at everyone . Then she told " I will finish you "  . Hmm .. Thanks to influence of action movies this statement is also possible .  The next statement shocked all "  I want to kill myself  "  .  Hey  .. i am not talking about a 20 or 60 year old adult . This statement came from a child .

Suicide is a taboo topic and paradoxically we dont know too much about it  . But  what is known (please search wikipedia /google if you are interested ) is that Nobody is immune and this is most important : No age is immune to it  .  Though rare even children do commit suicide . And it is not always an "impulsive act " like the general public including most parents think .  Just like teen suicide which claimed my classmates younger sister  often there are underlying causes for this .  It is not often the " Exam failure " or "love failure " or "financial crisis " which makes people commit suicide .  It is not always but often due to underlying illnesses like clinical depression .  (hope the reader knows what it is : if not please wikipedia /google )  .  And though we dont like to believe it  even children get "clinically depressed " . And often but not always people including children give warning signs like the statement given by the child in the above example .

Now dont get all paranoid on all this but be aware especially if you are a parent that teen suicide is a major problem in many countries (dont believe me :  search wikipedia and internet ) and if you beleive your child is 100 percent protected from this please be knowledgeable that such a thing also exists  .

Why i am saying all this is not because i want to discuss a "taboo"  topic (ignorance and taboo go hand in hand )  . But because though 100 percent not preventable it is in our best interests these days to  be aware that
1. Suicide is a rare but real problem in teens and even in children these days
2. Being a close confidante of teens and children is one preventive measure but that is not everything
3 . most importantly when someone says even casually about suicidal ideas it is better that they be professionally evaluated so that it can be prevented to a large extent

We take extra care to protect our kids and teens from physical illnesses . It is high time we take a small effort in acknowledging the other risks including suicide .

PS : On a personal note  when i was a child i never knew that we could die by our own hand .  But these days maybe because children watch more tv or they are more aware of their environment like many things this awareness also has reached them .  I respect and love the kids of today for they are intelligent , loving , transparent but still vulnerable ..So its high time this taboo is broken with increased knowledge and awareness of this condition  .

beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder

A week back i had blogged about Sunny leone (dont ask me who that is ..wikipedia for details or my blog :) ) . Yesterday i saw my cousin in chennai and he told me he liked the blog (no wonder he is my favourite cousin )  .  Then he commented " bro (short form for brother  )  , but she is not that beautiful "  .  Till that time casually nodding to him and walking i braked .

 "What ?  isnt she the perfect beauty (read : hot and beautiful )  .

No bro .. Shes a big girl  .  He just stopped short of saying shes fat compared to the numerous skinny girls he liked ..

Anyway i made a note in my minds eye that beauty is indeed in the eyes of beholder .

                                                         Fast backward :  when i was in mumbai some girls and myself were having a discussion and they were showing me their "potential" bridegrooms . By conventional standards some of them looked liked models . I looked at their facial expression and they were saying " These guys are at best ok and at worst looked like monkeys"  .  I looked again : I thought i was looking at  humans and they didnt have a tail or excess monkey hair  .

For one moment i told them " Ok .. If these are monkeys pls show me your idea of male beauty (other than me of course :)  )  "

Thanks to facebook immediately i saw a set of pics whom they considered hot  .  Oh my God :  i wont say they were ugly but some of them at least reminded me of monkeys in hairstyle or general appearance .
They asked me " How is this one .. I smiled .. no comment .  " Next one ....hmmm .. just ok  "  .

Anyway again point noted ... beauty is indeed in the eyes and brain of the beholder .

                                                                       Then my dad who commented  something is wrong with madhuri dixit . Hey appa , you too  ??  Whats wrong with madhuri dixit  ? (one of my favourites ) .

She has got chicken legs .. Oh god  .. No comment  ...

                                                                               Recently i met a girl from abroad who was raving about the hot guys she met in Rajasthan .  Now knowing the rajput courage and having met a few rajputs during my travels i didnt feel there was anything spectacularly different in Rajasthan in terms of beauty . To tell the truth i was feeling a little jealous of these "hot guys "  .  After a few days she showed the pictures of these "hot guys "  . Balloon deflated .. Jealousy turned to laughter ... It was the run of the mill average indian the kind you usually see all over india who will score a perfect 5 out of 10 on a beauty scale ( really average ) . All of them . If this is what she means by hot guys she has seen india well but not the hot indians ..(me included ... im joking ok  .. dont take me seriously  )  . To make matters worse she told me Tom cruise is not ugly (then i would have assumed shes crazy ) but not particularly hot and handsome .

                                                             I can go on and on about this topic but guys and girls if at all you feel you are not beautiful dont check in the mirror  .... there will be at least a subset of people who will find you beautiful  ...

PS : In one of my earlier blogs i mentioned that i liked dark complexioned girls . Then some of my friends who are girls were asking you like dark girls ??.  The point they missed was I like dark girls , brown girls and fair girls no discrimination .. tall girls or short girls .. But they shouldnt be skinny  .. Hey so I like fatty girls ?
No way ... Like one of my cousins put it long back " Haroon likes girls like mamta kulkarni .. fat at the right places " .When i grew up that sentence read as "curvy "  .

Yes girls like sunny leone and Mamta Kulkarni ..Cant i also have my idea of beauty  ? 




                                                                           

on maids and masters

Amma i am going to fire my maid . She is nice and hardworking but takes a break for 15 days without notice and then turns up . Then again takes absence without leave letter for another 10 days . But whenever she comes she does excellent work , doesnt steal and has pleasing manners .This was when i was working at kochi and had an apartment there.

Mone , you dont know about maids now . The one you got is a gem . At least she doesnt steal , does good work (when she comes once in  a blue moon ...i added )  . The others are much worse . Anyone with maids in this era knows how hard it is to get one and how hard it is to keep one .  With no HR managers the attrition rate of maids is highest in the industry  .

But it was not like this before even ten years before . It was a " masters " (i dont believe in that term )  market . Or more supply and lesser demand .  In those days it was very easy to get a maid and people used to cry to keep their employment .

And then there was the golden age of "maids " and "masters "  . Or at least in our ancestral homes it was so when i was a child .  There was a 70 year old lady with height less than 5 feet who used to call me "kochumothalalee "  . Much before my childhood in a feudal era of kerala she was used to calling landlords as "muthalalee " . Though that era had ended and she was treated with love and affection in the family the term "muthalalee meaning landlord " and "small landlord "was used by her still . And other than my toys i was not a landlord though my grandfather was " a muthalalee "  . Coming back to the golden age for the ;"masters " there was plentiful supply of hardworking workers who were in addition extremely devoted and loving . And on their part the "masters " took care of their servants and helped them in their major life events like marriage , sickness etc . (no provident fund , no retirals .. it was a job for life )  .

If this was on my paternal ancestral house on my maternal house we had "acha , aatha ,annan and ikka "  . All of them above 60 annan was called "annan" or brother till he died .  A childless couple annan and acha were in our ancestral home from their youth . Acha took care of the cooking in the family while annan had a small umbrella repairing business in daytime . During night he used to come back with a small packet of fresh jalebis which was equally distributed among my cousins . Having travelled all over india i still havent got the taste of that jalebi which he used to bring  .

Aatha was even older and though old she had the strength of a man and razor sharp tongue . She was nice at heart but even the toughies on the street used to shudder when she walked as she used to do the shopping .Her daughter died when she was young and she had no relatives . Though all of them were maids they were treated like family members in our house .And when she died she had a funeral in the same manner in which my grandma had a funeral .

Times have changed now and now it is one of the most in demand job at least in kerala . But still when i see any of them i remember annan ,,acha,atha etc who never can be replaced by any of the " modern day domestic help "  .  And i miss the jalebis  ....

beautiful ---movie review of malayalam film by anoop menon starring jayasoorya

I watched this movie in a bus while going for my cousins marriage . And since it absorbed my interest inspite of presence of my other cousins who was chatting constantly with me showed that i liked the movie very much  . But a word of warning though ... Many of the "conservative " malayalis may not like it  .

The lead role is played by Jayasoorya in which he plays the part of  a quadriplegic . This film is not about his struggle to survive and tears but about how he is celebrating his life to the full limited only by his physical challenge . The person who cannot even lift a hand to give shakehand to a friend is seen having a wonderful friendship in the movie . And the flirty comments he makes to all his female aquaintances be it the doctor who comes to treat him or the tv anchor who comes to interview him will not make you raise your eyebrows but will make you (if you are a film critic like me )  appreciate how the character gets away with it in style. (see the movie if you want to know what i mean )  .

But the icing in the cake is not those but the "realistic philosophies "  the character conveys . I wouldnt say a quadriplegics life is the greatest baseline for a positive outlook on life . But this film shows its possible ..  And if you felt  it is just fantasy  its not . Anoop Menon has told it is based on a real life character .  And i too have seen a few  physically challenged persons who have  a much positive attitude towards life than most of my  able bodied fellowmen  .

Though lust and love(this movie has it in plenty not in action but in dialogues )   has a place in this world this movie also underlines that trusting relationships also has a role in this world . Without telling you the climax or even the plot it is a good movie if you are not the "ultraconservative " type  .

And yes comedians do make great heroes in good roles :  Jayasoorya has done a great role  and Anoop Menon (im seeing his film for first time ) has great promise in the revival of malayalam cinema ...

the biker

One of my ex-neighbour is now in the gulf . Recently he and i had a chat . He a proud owner of many R series Yamahas including R1 was asking about my old bike a 100cc bike . Every five minute into the conversation he was asking about this bike . To pacify his intense interest in my bike ( more than myself ) i told about my current bike bajaj pulsar which at least goes 100 kmph steady without grumbling while my old kawasaki cried and screamed to touch 100 kmph . And why was this superbiker who has bikes which touch 320 kmph on racetrack enquiring about my puny kawasaki bajaj bike ?  .  Then i realised it  ... it was the bike in which he learnt to ride a bike and he was my only student in motorbike . Not that i was a bad teacher i was and still is finicky in giving my vehicles to anyone for learning as generally that is the end of that vehicle (clutch and gearbox )  .  But this person treated the bike so well that i made an exception for him long back  .

                                                                     It is said that people always remember their first love inspite of marrying aiswarya rai many years later :)  Similarly  this person was still remembering with respect and love his first bike in which he learnt biking .  And for him biking was not only a passion it was a solace .  (he showed me a photoblog by his friend about his bike and his personal story )  .  This person sometime ago had a personal tragedy and had become almost a recluse and gradually he rekindled his passion in biking and that saved him from going into the depths of depression . Fourty five minutes of chatting with him made me realise what he meant when he told "Beyond RPM of 6000 + the bike has  a character of its own .  It is like dealing with an individual with whom you have an intense connection "  .  Though my bike pulsar doesnt stand up to this level still i feel  there is meaning in his words that many of our mean machines have a character especially if you are passionate about it  .

Mamma , i want to marry a pornstar :)

Hey dont point your fingers at me ... i didnt say it  ..Have patience . Let me explain .

When my father was a little boy he wanted to marry Saroja Devi the film actress who starred opposite MGR. .  He even told that when he was a kid his dream was to have a car with steering in the middle with Saroja Devi on one side and some other actress on another side . Fortunately or unfortunately his dream never materialised and he got married to my mother who though not an actress could give him marital bliss for many years .

When i was a little boy  as described in my earlier blogs it was not only the films that attracted me but the heroines in malayalam movies -- karthika  being a noted example . Maybe their character in the movie and of course her beauty too when i was a little boy i wanted a girl like karthika the movie star . Since she the film actress karthika got married to another doctor i am still a bachelor :)

Oh i am moving away from the topic but still the above discussion is important .  If i ask a little boy nowadays whom they want to marry they may point to a poster of a hindi movie and say " i want to marry a girl like her "  .  And the mother was shocked to see the poster of a mainstream cinema with a beautiful pornstar . Few of you may have guessed right .. I am talking about Sunny Leone the indian born Canadian citizen pornstar who has starred in |Jism 2  the hindi movie . Can i blame the young boy if he says "Mamma , i want to marry a pornstar "  .

Those who know me will know that i am no puritan and pointing fingers at a pornstar acting in mainstream cinema and also being part of Big Boss the reality show has never been my style . Actually i find nothing wrong in these beautiful people (provided they can act ) being in mainstream movies .  But i am just pointing in the direction of the hypocrisy which is still prevalent in indian society . Like ostriches a generation of indians still believe that "western influences "  are confined to the west  and we are still in the Victorian era .
And talking to people of different ages has made me realise that most young people these days are neither Victorian nor western . They have their own sense of morality which i find is much more sensible than anything else . And lastly though i dont want to marry Sunny leone being a patriotic indian i have to agree she is a beautiful indian woman :)  Anyone disagree ?  Comment if you please ...

P.S : the above is the best picture of sunny leone on the internet . Does she look homely ? Thats what i say like in everything looks are deceptive  ..

God in Europe

Recently one of my friends returned after a visit from Europe . We chatted for quite sometime about the new places he visited the sites , the people and the food . I dont know whether "little thoughts attitude " i mean bloggers attitude is contagious but he told me two conclusions he made from the travel .  Dont get me wrong he thoroughly enjoyed the trip . But he told me two points which i had already blogged about long back . But hearing it from another person made me happy  .

point number one is simple :  he was complaining loudly about the "indian " attitude of conserving money and not enjoying life to the full . He found the attitude of europeans very pleasing of visiting new places , spending money instead of hoarding it etc .  I  agreed with him notwithstanding the fact that indians are increasingly travelling these days and in these recession times make up among the top 10 tourists of many countries .

point number two was startling : He found the real God in Europe .  Hey , cmon does jetlag produce hallucinations ?  No  way . This  person was very much grounded as i know him for last 10 years  .  A staunch religious person but not a fanatic , what he meant was except in a few cities like paris where people were rude most of the places he visited had very friendly ,helpful people  . He was telling many of the high theory of goodness towards others  discussed in some religious places in india and what is practised among some people in india on day to day life   is  in stark contrast  .While, In Europe though  church attendance is decreasing , but as he put it " the duties of one fellow being to another " is emphasised .  No society is perfect but at least for the visitor it gives a very pleasant feel  and thats what he meant by "i found the real God in Europe "

So pack your bags and goto Europe for visiting :  it will serve both to visit some exotic places and hopefully will see God .

P.S :  Hey being a patriotic indian and having visited Europe twice dont assume that all Europe is filled with the friendliest people and all indians are the opposite . Thats not true as people are different individually everywhere . But the point is some of the good points of Europe like civic duty towards others and spending money towards personal enjoyment should be learnt  .

for doctors only

I recently bought an android phone and though 90 percent of my downloads were games i downloaded a free android app called prognosis your diagnosis . An excellent app it gives a clinical scenario for example a 22 year old patient coming with fever , sudden headache etc .. When you click on next button it gives the findings on examining the patient ... a picture of patient also comes up . Then it is your role  :  you have to choose the correct tests and lastly choose among multiple buttons the correct treatment . Being a 1 minute download and a free app i never thought this made me think and enjoy so much the pleasure of clinical diagnosis and treatment . And the cases discussed were not simple either : there was the person having cerebral oedema from rapid hyponatremia , kawasakis disease etc etc ...

The cases are sorted by specialty --paediatrics ,medicine , gynaecology  etc .  And once you have finished a case it will rank you whether you have done very well ,ok or poorly  . And a detailed discussion of the case if you are further interested and even some references . Awesome is the word as it is even better than many medical softwares and quizzes i have seen on internet on the computer .

Since everyday i play this app or a sort of high end knowledge game everyday in my new mobile i cant help but think a few little thoughts as usual .

1.  Though many people do not appreciate doctors anymore due to ignorance as well as arrogance of some of the patients   (i have blogged about it before many times )  this made me realise once again the knowledge level and decision making skills done by the doctors in pulling away patients from the life threatening illnesses .  Though diagnosing a common cold or even cancer is easy with an obvious lump is easier , the puzzle where a doctor have to choose from a 1000 different diseases with a few signs and symptoms is really challenging as well as fascinating .

2.  Many of my engineering colleagues during student days had called the medicos as "muggers "  .  Being a very interesting app and fascinated by this i wanted to suggest this analytical skill challenging app to the general public then  realised without those muggings the beauty of this app could never be appreciated . For without the theoretical background of the "muggers " this app cannot be enjoyed .

So , though a gaming fan , enjoy this game of diagnosis called prognosis your diagnosis and let me know your feedback .

And pls suggest me some interesting android apps including games for myself  this "mugger crocodile " :)